Hi Anita,
He’s keeping distance from me now, or being avoidant, which I understand. He has a fear of being abandoned, and I have it too, but I’m more anxious. It’s strange to me about how I feel and think. Every time we have conflict about this problem, like me “have no feelings”, “no interest”, I ask “Are we breaking up?” as if I’m asking for reassurance “no”, but then my mind constantly think “ maybe I should break up” because I feel that he deserves someone that feels certain about him. He deserves an infinite marriage because I keep thinking within 3 years, I’m gonna divorce him if I realize I have no feelings for him. I imagine myself going somewhere else, living alone and figure what the hell is wrong with me. THIS IS SO SAD AND DESPERATE when I think about it.
I booked the flight to see him because it’s gonna be his birthday soon. I had a thought that maybe he’s happy when he sees me, this is before our third fight happened. During that time, I was wondering if I should go or not because it’s gonna be cruel for him. But he could clearly see I was not excited like him when we talked about it. I had a pressure of making decisions, like every time! That’s why we had another break because I keep being like this. And it’s frustrated and annoyed to him.
But I still decided to go since I have nothing to lose. And he still picks me up. But I have anxiety that he may act cold to me, which leads to me being anxious or numb. I may act based on my anxiety not what I feel at that time. I even have a back up plan imagination if we break up, what things I will pack and I’ll leave my ring there.
Anita, what should I do when I get there? How should I start conversation with hope that we can build connection again. It has been 2 months since we last met and all of these things happen within 2 months. I don’t want to lose him and the life that we may have together, but I don’t want to hold him, make him suffer because I feel lonely. I suddenly wake up in every morning, and I can feel lonely and anxious because of my thoughts.

Hi Anita,
I notice that when he mentioned about the future of us, I can feel anxiety. Like my heart is tighten, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. He can imagine the future that has me in it. And I’m more like I know he’s gonna make my life better. I have a lot of guilt if I decide to stop this relationship now. But if not, my anxiety keeps popping up. Even though we’re taking a break now, my mind is still spiraling. Like what if I don’t like his personality and I just go along with him because he makes me feel worthy? What if I like the idea of getting married but not with him?
I cried a lot yesterday, but today I’m just… numb but my mind is spiraling if I make wrong choice.