Hey Katie,

There’s nothing wrong with you.  Even if a medical practitioner diagnoses you with something, there is nothing wrong with you.  Everything that you have described is completely normal and I know that many people feel the same way you do.

There are definitely some things you can do to practice calming down and dealing with any issues that you may want to deal with in order to feel better and stop worrying.  They are described all over this site.  You are not alone!

jrm

Hi Malaya,

I think you pretty much answer you own questions by asking them.  You are quite aware of what’s going on as far as you and your bff’s personalities and how they mesh.  What you aren’t considering though, it seems to me, is that your awareness is an asset to be used and not just some noise in the background.  Who you are and what you want and who he is and what he wants are not just aspects of your relationship to be worked around, they are the key factors that form the base upon which your relationship is founded.  They come first, before the details about whether he calls you or not or whether he pays attention to his game or to you or how often he texts you etc.  Sure, those details are clues as to how you guys are feeling about yourself, each other and your shared relationship.  But they are not the reason for you two to engage in a romantic partnership.  You say that you are “clingy” and “needy.”  Big red flag there in my eyes since neither of those particular traits are going to really serve you well in a solid, positive, mature relationship.  My advice would be to take a step back and try to honestly determine what it is you want in a relationship.  That way you can gain some insight into who you are in terms of what it is you value, which will go a long way toward helping you to be happy.  Certainly, you will make mistakes because that is how we all learn, but those mistakes don’t have to hurt as much or be as confusing when you can confidently stand by your own choices without questioning why you made them because you made them.

Aside from all that, you guys have been dating for a week, I think is what you are saying.  Let that sink in and then think about how the emotions you are feeling so strongly and letting yourself become so preoccupied with are generated from a week of being with your bff.  Sure, a lot can happen in a week and you can learn tons in that period of time but as far as relationships go, or your life for that matter, it’s not a whole lot of time.  Step back, learn about yourself, learn about your boyfriend, look into your questions and try to find the answers that you have already woven into them.  I believe you know much more that you think you do.  Listen to this inner knowledge and go spend some time teaching yourself how to hear it more clearly.  Things have a way of falling into their correct places and once they do, often it is the case that we already knew, to some degree or other, what those places are and were letting ourselves get confused and upset out of habit, trust in that.

Hi F.R. and everyone else reading,

intro- (feel free to skip this paragraph, it doesn’t concern the topic at hand and basically says “hello and thanks”) I just signed up at Tiny Buddha!  I suppose I’ve been hunting for something like it awhile and am excited by the content and tone in what I’ve read here.   Discussion, especially in an environment such as this where acceptance and honesty are highly valued, is probably one of the most important, fulfilling and useful ways to share information and advice.  I am excited to join this forum and feel it will be a helpful resource to me.  I know I certainly need help with lots of stuff and perhaps, hopefully, can provide some help as well.

As for keeping up with regular exercise and healthy eating, I think the best way is to let the results speak for themselves and do your best not to ignore what they say.  You most likely began or are beginning to work out and eat better because you feel a little off and want to feel better.  It’s hard to argue that after a good work out and meal, your body and mind are more enjoyable to hang out with.  Resting is easy, positive thoughts spring up and doing things is more satisfying and productive in general.  I know from experience that getting started is the most challenging part of making a behavioral change.  It is frustrating how little resistance I can put up against my impulse to procrastinate.  I get my athletic shoes out, put on my workout clothes, plan out and picture myself going running or biking, sit down to pull on my socks and somewhere in between putting the left and right socks on decide that it’s been a long day, I’ll go tomorrow and then turn on the T.V. (I usually exercise at the end of the day, right before dinner.)  But this can apply just as easily to the morning: the thought may pop up that today is going to be so busy, I’ll be able to run a little longer tomorrow etc, etc.  At this point, it really is just a matter of forcing yourself to go.  Stop thinking and start doing.  Creating little reward systems for myself hasn’t really ever helped me too much.  I’ll end up just rewarding myself anyway out of guilt.

So, if you manage to get started and make it through a week of daily work-outs, you are at the most crucial and vulnerable point.  The benefits have just started to make themselves apparent and now that you do actually feel a bit better it is shockingly simple to tell yourself, well, I’m really making progress, in fact, I’ve done so well this past week that can take a break and then just stop.  It is so true when people say that it takes a month to really form a habit.  Push through this attempt by your mind to go back to your old ways and keep going.  Once you have completed a full month of daily exercise, not only will you feel so much better that stopping won’t be nearly as appealing, you will have created a pathway to follow each day and it will feel weird to not walk down it.  The script has been flipped and you will have to talk yourself out of going rather that talk yourself into it.

Besides, your body and mind will not be able to shut up about all this new activity you are granting them.  Not only are you getting fit and healthy, feeling good but you are going new places, seeing new people and doing new stuff.  All this will just increase the weight of the snowball that is now really gathering mass and speed, carrying you with less and less effort down your new path and providing lots of fun and positive stuff to do that you could have never foreseen.  Hope this helps and wasn’t too long.  I like to write a lot.  Cheers.