Dear Anita ,

i strongly relate to most questions on this forum with the anxiety around loving a partner.

I know that deep down I love my boyfriend , I struggle with the comments from other people and how society tells us relationships should be.

I never felt intense attraction , butterflies or infatuation for my boyfriend. Instead some sort of deep understanding and love for him. I worry that this means are relationship is wrong because there is not enough of the ‘attraction ‘ element in it.
i have felt instant attraction to people before , people I’ve never spoken to in the street etc  but I have never had the deep connection to someone else like I do my boyfriend .
I’ve heard many people say that love can’t grow overtime , it’s either there or it isn’t so this makes me feel like there is something wrong with my relationship because our love had grown deeper over time and in the early stages I wasn’t sure about him it took me time to realise I want to be with him.

He is not my usual ‘type’ physically , I do find him attractive but I feel very guilty because I’ve read other forums where people ask if it’s okay to date someone who isn’t your type and everyone tells them to dump their partner because it will never work out if the instant attraction isn’t there and that their partner deserves someone who thinks they are their type .
I am also very sensitive to other peoples opinions and comments . Nasty women have told me that I’m with an ‘average’ guy that I can do better etc. It upsets me that these comments bother me so much. I think there may be an element of envy when they say this if I’m honest as he treats me so well and we have a very solid relationship on the whole and people have told me we are lucky to get on so well.
please can you provide your insight on this?

thanks

tilly