I think, i would just ask him how he is doing. Because I am really concerned how is managing…

Asking him about our relationship seems to be not the most important thing.

For me it would be enough to get an honest answer from him whether he is doing ok.

I can tell a 100 percent what other person thinks and how he feels. –  I can’t tell

sorry for the misspelling

Dear Anita,

I was actually happy to help him and didn’t have any problems with giving him the money. But his I didn’t understand his attitude. My parents, when they found out that we were meeting, asked me right away, whether i gave him money. And I said the truth, because i was thinking, that maybe i am tricked here. Lack of trust. “We’ve only met and he is borrowing money?! ”

I guess it depends on how you would define a relationship. Frequently it is meant as a long-lasting boyfriend-girlfriend-labelled thing.

In our case it was a mutual connection, living, breathing, not only virtual, though it has all started online.

If I understand you right, you say, a realtionship has a place, when two individuals have a history together. A living history, that you can observe, touch. By that means not virtual or illusionary.

And I would say, that we did have a relationship.  A connection between us, a history, that we both share.

But we’ve seen each other only 3 times is it not a relationship anymore? (it was actually 3, if it changes something)

It was actually a really unusual one. In these 3 days we’ve tried to talk about everything, to open up as much as possible. We spent the whole day together. And we just knew, that it was a beginning of a relationship, because we felt so in love. It didn’t need an verbal expression or explanation. We just were.

After writing all of this, i would say that it was a beginning of a new relationship. But it could’t go deeper, because I went away.

Dear Anita,

Yes, that’s him.

Last year after some time when I posted my thread I did  eventually go abroad.  I managed to distract myself a little  – I’ve  met other people, build new relationships. But never suceeded to forget him. I still love him.
But it was hard, because I didn’t want to start communicating with him, because, as I wrote before, “he wanted to have everything or nothing, now or never ” . So I forced myself to do everything possible to forget him. I’ve read all possible articles about developing independent emotions and state of mind after the break up. I’ve read books, I tried meditating, writing a journal. I’ve seen all kind of media about this topic. I’ve talked to many people, I’ve got a lot of advice.

It has brought a result. I’ve grown as a personality, I look at relationships in another way. I am more careful and at the same time more open.  I know what I want.
But I just can’t stop loving him. I need to think about him all the time. The weird part is , that these thought are  abstract,without any particular content.  Like, he is held in the deepest parts of my consciousness. And so he is just always on my mind.

I actually didn’t want to write him. I had an battle going on in my mind. I didn’t write him, till I got to know from other people, that he has huge problems in his family. And when things got really terrible , i just couldn’t not write him. Because he was not only an object of my past love , but a person , about whom i cared. So I wrote him. It happened few times. But he didn’t write me since last year first. Only once, after 2 months of the break up…

So now. Why I want to write him now is again, because I care and I am concerned about his situation.  The thing that stops me from doing that is that I dont want to give another hope as for him and for me too. Because I am still far away.

It would be perfect If we could throw away all the prejudice , and just talk as friends. Even If he is still for me more than a just friend.

I believe, that its not right to erase somebody compeletely out of your mind. Though I tried to do it, I didn’t succeed.  I can’t go against my nature.

Love or Infatuation?

I wrote here a year ago few weeks after the break up. Some background story .

Hi greenshade!
Thank you for your advice.
The one about looking at the color of the table is really interesting. And even seems fun to try !
But the thing was , that i wasn’t shaking, i wasn’t nervous. I just couldn’t talk. I mean, I could say few words, but I guess I just gained this habbit not express what I feel and when things like meeting a person whom I reeeally like just brings me back to my old fears to not be understood… Anxiety

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by tidalwave.

To Eliana

Thank you a lot. Deep inside of me I hope that he may change, and we could try it one more time. But  I guess I’m just afraid to be a bad person , that gives up on things so fast, which is not true…I understand my heart and at the same time I understand what my mind says, and it is totally agreeing with what you’ve said  – to be silent, to move on.  I appreciate your advice. And I will try to take this situation just as a good life lesson for me.

To anita

I see your point. And I totally agree with it.  Thank you