Hi Anita

long time no see

just wanted to tell u.

i feel much better the past days .

I met someone else and the pain that i had before just went away. Not right away , but pretty fast. I finally got to know that there can be something better for me than him.

Best wishes

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by tidalwave.

Dear Anita

I actually lisp spelled this sentence and corrected myself afterwards – I can’t tell…

i guess I just can’t believe this ended so fast and stupid. Though it was me who ended it I hate it that I can’t eat over it so fast… i just can’t stand the feeling that he might got over it all very fast and doesn’t think about me at all… i feel stupid…

Dear Anita

i wrote him that I’m planning to come in summer, but wasn’t there yet. I didn’t tell him when I’ll come , but I wrote him when I’m planning to go back…

he doesn’t know exactly that I’m now here, but he could think of that . Cause I wrote him that I aoll go back in the end of the month…

I don’t know if that’s good or not. I just feel like we didn’t put a point in this relationship and that’s eating me up.

Hi Anita,

So I decided to not write him anything. But week ago he wrote me. And he asked me where am I at the moment. If I am back home or outside the country. So I wrote him that about my plans about coming home for summer. And he said to me that he is eventually right now in my hometown, where he doesn’t live. And he didn’t clearly reply why he is there. He just said “ some my business “ . After that I wrote him that we could eventually meet. But he didn’t reply. So this is weird. And I don’t understand why would he even write me. But I’m glad I could ask him how he is doing, though he answered with one sentence.

No, its also from last year.

How did you get through this? Why did you have this problem?

I think one thing I’ve learned from this situation is how complicated we are. There are no standard packs of personalities. It is always a enormously big field of traits, different situations , genes, and surroundings that build us as people. I imagine how hard it is to advice something, you didn’t experience to live personally. Its even pretty impossible to get the whole image for a complete stranger. I am wondering how you deal with it. But thank you.

About talking.
My problem with talking was back in my teens. Over-analyzing,  self-consciousness.  This time with him I just fell back into this pattern, which I had. Because it was a kind of self-defense instinct I had before.  As much I am analyzing it, I see in what way it was different.

First time we met I felt pretty weird because I wasn’t in relationship before. But I saw that it was escalating pretty quickly.  What I noticed that day, that I just couldn’t imagine myself in this situation before.It was exciting so I went into a “viewer mode” . I didn’t talk much, just observing this situation from a “bird view”, like it was not happening to me. That was weird indeed.

When he came to my town , we’ve talked normally (much better) , as I wrote before, I could tell him really deep things because I felt no walls around us anymore (somehow).

But this “he often wanted to hear what I feel, and what I think about doing next. And I just was silent. And said nothing… I couldn’t talk. The anxiety was so overwhelming that I just remained silent all the freaking time” was different.

He asked me all the time “What is next” . It was about the relationship we started. He wanted us to be together, me to stay there. But it was like he wanted me to decide what I am going to do right in the moment.  And so I became silent again. After this he actually apologized, telling me that it was to much pressure.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by tidalwave.