HI Aballa

Your story is full of pain and of lessons that you can learn from in the right setting. I echo those above who say you are not alone. Alcoholics for example can be abusive and controlling in their relationships, causing their partner to presume all the problems are them to solve, when in fact it is manufactured by the Alcoholic. The Suggestion that your ex-boyfriend has Nassissistic Personality Disorder may be another place to explore. But these things are suggestions for you and you need to choose your path out of this.

Posting your disappointment and pain like this is something you should consider taking to a self help group. There are many. I have ongoing issues that I take to a 12 step group such as Al-Anon – while I do not have alcoholics in my life, I am still impacted by them.

I go so I can remember I am not alone, I am not the only one feeling these problems, and I am not the problem, it is the other.

The mind may have it’s logic, but the Heart has it’s way also – missing your abusive ex is work you need to do emotionally, and that is best done in safe places like this place.

I still recommend finding a place to talk where you are face to face with people, and you can laugh, cry and sigh safe to do so. An anonymous fellowship worked for me. A Pscycologist worked for me. A family member on the phone worked for me. A doctor did not work for me. A diary did not work for me. A stranger in the street did not work for me.

Find what works for you.

T