Yes that is correct Anita; sure will await your valued feedback.

Sure Anita, I am willing to hear from you further.

I would appreciate if she behaved more like a co-worker than sending in similar type of emotions that I maybe vulnerable to but I cannot change what happened and should think of what would be next best for me.

I am going back to the same topic and question because of something that happened today:

It has been 3 weeks since I got back from a trip and had casually asked her if I could join her for lunch at work as my usual lunch group was working remotely, after the if’s and the but’s we agreed on a time but when I reached for lunch she was enjoying her meal with a completely different colleague, I was hurt because after the if’s and but’s I did not expect this and did not join but had lunch at my desk. Later on she pinged me asking why I didn’t join and I said “because you don’t have time for me… i don’t think I asked much from you but still”, “been 3 weeks since i came back but doesnt look like you even want to catch up… all of us are busy but not like critical i suppose”, “i have been noticing this about your time since quite some time and have also asked you but never got clear answers…”

On all these statements her response was “ok, have to work on something” I was very raged out and stood by her desk demanding an explanation to which she asked me to calm down in a stern tone and said let me tell my manager i cannot complete this work because of you lets go to the breakroom.

The breakroom a very busy place at that time when many of the employees sit for lunch and following are her statements:

“You have been doing this drama for quite some time now and have decided last time to not go ahead as this continues, I am not avoiding you on purpose but you have these dramas every now and then so I have already distant myself, if you think I am avoiding you lets stop here”

Last time is the time when I wrote this post about her cold responses, a person giving cold responses would get affected ever?

I have seen her spend time with many of her other friend’s colleagues but when its my turn she has work and what not, I asked her it maybe because I am off not much use to you but all she kept saying is she has work and needs to go.

On thinking about all this and following the advice here I had kept myself away from getting affected, maintained only professional relationship but I dont think I deserved to be insulted in the breakroom for the “drama”

Hi Anita,

You exactly described the “loop” situation, feels like a cycle we are stuck on and even if we decide to try everything goes back to square one in no time.

Yes I intend to stay in this marriage and your thoughts are helping clear the fog around my confusion.

Oh, I was not aware of such help, literature on this matter but will look into it, if you can suggest something a book/online resource etc. for starters please do.

thank you Anita for helping clear my mind with that question if it was something with me but your thoughts have helped them answer to a great extent..

Thank you Anita, will do that will stop saying hi to her and if I get a moment will ask.

And I meant to mention again she responds to the other people in the group who have been there from before, myself and her are new and this was the reason my mind raised this question about why she may not be responding to just me 🙁

Thank you Lauren, the podcast was a good start to understand life, people and friendships better, I look forward to doing some more from that list, hope you are holding up well with the similar situation and glad to hear from you!!

@anita: true that its a limbo state and its better for me to maintain professional relations only, thank you for the insight!!

@Prash: Yes its the best choice in this situation just that its a little difficult to implement but will keep trying!!