You have to remember that she is only one person, and you should never make one person the centre of your life. Even an actual partner should only be second to you. To put someone ahead of yourself is very unhealthy, for both you and the person in question (not to say you can’t help a friend in need of course). My point being, she should have no control over your life. If you can’t see other friends because of her, then forget her. You have a life to live! Find another friend to stay with if you must.

I feel like my actions have driven away something really special in my life and deeply regret what has happened…

It seems to me like my life has just been a sheer collage of mistakes. Some of them have almost completely destroyed me inside. But do you know what? None of those mistakes matter to me now. I can screw-up things so badly, but every time I do, it is only a matter of time until things get better. You need only wait until all of this blows over. Who knows, you may find an even better friend than S. A friend who can give you definite answers, and doesn’t force you to stand on one leg all the time.

I really hope this helped! Good luck with your life, I’m sure it will turn out to be amazing!