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hellnoParticipantFirst of all, i am renaming this site, “call of the void”, its like a blackhole of happiness, calmness and peace surrounded by a galaxy of chaos, morbidity and viciousness, it feels good coming here, though still, i really have NO idea why 😛
my dearest lulu, in your first posts, you specifically replied that you didn’t want to be part of a group, ie family or community, then (atleast as to what it look like to me) you did a 180 and went from ‘having a child’ to having one with a SO…….something that i can only take as you wanting a family…..just so we’re clear, a family IS a group woman -_- but you know, i might have misread stuff, sorry.
You do not want to get labeled? you’ve come asking help/guidance/ideas/ etc…from an online forum, whose users are most probably in the psedo-psychology area of life, its easier to generalize than be specific when there is limited knowledge, on which i repeat. TALK TO A THERAPIST. one session, JUST talk, accept no meds and tell them that before the start of the session.
no one is telling you not to go for a family, or a child, or buying a giraffe. they’re all valid option for you and your life. but as just about everyone is saying, it SEEMS like you might be wanting a child/family/group/love/security for other reasons. A mid-life crisis does definitely come into this, but i dare not get into that, again talk to a professional.
but then again we all are probably wrong, so get a professional opinion. incidentally you are not the first person around your age that i’ve seen go into loneliness bit by bit. starts small and then people start acting out. please have a look at : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisisalso, i feel like an absolute asshole pointing this out, but ermmm…simply because we may be mis-labeling you, it has caused you to show some irritability, which in itself (if i remember correctly) is the lowest form of anger one can exhibit, anger is usually reserved for something that affects you. in my limited understanding, anger at strangers’ discussions about your life seems to show you care what they think and what they feel about you. ie: you maybe trying to value yourself from another persons perspective…..contact a professional before the real meaning of what iv said actually infiltrates into your thoughts. 🙂
hellnoParticipant*sigh*
ok i admit it
lulu has now made me come to this site 3 times….this place is so weird.
and oddly, makes me feel at peace as well, seriously what IS the philosophy of this site? its users? how big is it? who owns/runs it? this runs on something modified with wordpress isnt it?
John and Matt, everything you guys mentioned, i did actually say in my posts, but i wanted it to be a little vague, i repeat, experience is the best teacher 🙂 and the best way to make someone grow is to make them realize stuff on their own, rather than give them a concrete opinion that they must accept/reject. It helps in dealing with psychotic/schizophrenic patients when calming them down (though does backfire unless used carefully), iv found using it on people to be really helpful who tend to be in lulu’s position. if there is any mental health professional here, i would love their feedback on this.to lulu: i repeat, adoption and ivf? these arent options out of the blue, they are regular things that are happening everyday around us, therefore have probably been considered by you, and rejected. my question is, why did you reject it? that little nagging feeling as to why doing those is a bad idea is what i am talking about. and what i really recommend is, talk to a mental health professional that you dont know/arent related to (ie: exchange money for therapy).
so….can i be announced as being “right” in saying you’re trying to fill a void? 😀
hellnoParticipantlol…my temporary email had minutes left to expire before you replied, and i was alerted 🙂
when i said travel and such,i meant out of comfort zone, away from friends, familiar languages, familiar surroundings, etc…the point of it all being that maybe you can find a romantic interest in a place unfamiliar to you as you have to rely on others to guide you.
and really? you have experience and yet you come to a public place to gain an opinion? or idea? i still believe you are trying to find your own worth through others…but lets not argue that, you know yourself better than others, im sure.
and why not simply adopt? or IVF? actually, try helping out in caring for a child of one of your friends or family? see what its actually like.
and please remember, sometimes when you are dehydrated, you feel hungry. the body craves the fluids in the food as well. the point of my entire rant is that just be sure that this isnt one of those times. maybe you want love/acceptance and instead you get a child(which you may regret later) or vice-versa.
hellnoParticipant…:)
i’ve dealt with rape victims, suicidal depressive people, brought people back from the edge of insanity, turned the most mundane individuals into something more capable than anything they could have managed themselves.
And i am going to give you just a little hint of what you are missing. Take it as you wish, but i did stumble across you post by accident, as i am not a member or lurker of “tinybuddha” or any such forums that promote a worldview that is so far from reality. 🙂 therefore i probably wont be back for a reply or to “checkup” on you.you really need to travel, and gain an insight into who you are. Once you realize the basis of what your character has been built on, you can thus modify it to suit your needs.
Want to be a mom? really? no i seriously do MEAN: REALLY? what is it that you are trying to fulfill? a sense of meaning/ belonging? or actually wanting to have a miniature human being to feed, clothe and grow? the answer to this will show you who you are, and i sense that in your inner-most secretive desires, you want to feel part of the group, belong and you need praise from others to appraise you of your position in their eyes, and that position needs to be high 🙂
maybe change your career?maybe go back to university but in a land far away where you dont understand the language or cultures and need to adapt all over again to a new way of life ? 🙂 get out of your comfort zone. god damn it woman, go skydiving, climb a damned mountain, run a marathon. these are things to distract you for the time being, but it is during these extraneous excursion is when your desires of what you truly want, shall come forward to you, during those times when you can barely breathe, comprehend and/or move.
maybe start a business, learn to code, learn graphic designing, learn to scuba dive, add value to yourself and keep moving on.
there is so much i could teach and tell you, but the best teacher is always experience. Light a fire under your ass and go do something with your life that is worth remembering across the ages, do that, see what DOESN’T come to you.
I once knew a man, idiotically wasted his life until 48, drugs, alcoholic, living on the streets, no education. One day (till this day no one really understood how) he got a nice younger woman pregnant(~25?)…Shifted his entire life around, year later, learnt coding on a broken pentium 2 laptop and worked his ass off…got himself into a fortune 500 company after 3 yrs freelancing and supporting his wife and daughter. he is 64 now….knows more than people with PHDs in CS/AI. He has created software that you are now using to browse this site and probably the reason for why your browser is responding in a timely manner to your clicks.the things that you think are important, family, love, kids, are really things you may never plan out, they will happen at the worst of times, as life is what occurs when you busy making other plans 🙂
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 