Hi KZ,

I have recently been through the same situation so I can share my experience with you. Maybe you’ll find it helpful for yourself.

When I clearly noticed that my feelings stood in the way of our friendship, I just told her about it. It was hard, it was awkward for both of us and I’m not going to say I did it in the best possible way, but the thing is that I did it and she shown her understanding.

We stopped being friends for at least a few months. Nevertheless, it was a good mental exercise for me to go to college group meetings which she also attended and see her around others – sometimes it hurt, but it also stimulated me to let go of my attachment to her. From her demeanor I could see that she wasn’t hostile to me, but respected my desire to stay aside.

At the same time, I started looking for more hobbies and new friends. It definitely helped a lot. Some months later, we started talking again – this time much more cautiously, but showing a genuine friendly interest in each other. Over time, I’d say that I was able to replace my need for her with other people and things, and also to learn more about spirituality and psychology. This is not to say that my feelings are totally gone. I don’t even think that I’ll ever stop liking her just for being the nice person she is – that’s not the purpose, however, I’m slowly becoming more comfortable in her presence and accepting of the fact that she has her own social circle (and an intimate relationship, of course).

We are far from being close friends now – simply because there has been too much to forget about it so quickly, but we got to the point when we can maintain a certain level of friendship with hugs.

I hope my story will be useful to you. Another thing I’d like to recommend to you is total acceptance of your pain. Whenever your memories or hurtful feelings resurface, take it as suffering needed to reprogram your brain towards the detachment. It can take months, but courage and honesty will eventually help you out (and make you stronger!)

Hope this helps,

Best of luck!