Hi Anita!

Oh no please don’t apologize 🙂 You gave me lots to think about and I was and am still great full hence why I returned.

Be a better version of my myself.

Well over the course of that 5 year relationship I learned I needed to be more forgiving but still firm on what I was looking for. Had I been more assertive in what I wanted and not drag it to what it was maybe we would have been less hurt. For me to leave the relationship 3 times and come back 2 times was not healthy. It gave no value to a relationship. It presented itself as a doormat on both sides and nothing stable. I was always expecting something, something to change but I missed the moments of reality. What the relationship truly was. I loved with blind eyes until the 3rd time I left, I left for myself and nothing else. The first 2 times was for him and coming back the 2 times was for him. The 3rd time I left I chose me, I prioritized me in what I wanted and needed. I think I was trying to mold myself too, to fit him and force a happy relationship.  It’s been 1.5 years since I spoke to him and over that time I almost went into a mourning phase because I realized we just weren’t right for each other no matter how hard we tried. I was also resentful, for him not loving me the way I loved him. But then I realized how do I know he didn’t, I am just over here assuming things. I think before I just couldn’t shake the feeling that we were meant to be but that was childish. It was just an attachment to familiarity is what I was experiencing. The feeling of lack of emotion, distance, separation anxieties, and quality time. All what I experienced growing up. Funny how the deepest heart aches teaches you the lesson you needed. If I ever met this man again I would sincerely wish him the best and hope he finds the one he was meant for.  I’ll never know why he never dared to propose. Maybe I was just too crazy to him lol. I am still super single and I am just having fun by myself with my two cats. Occasionally I go out with some friends to keep up the human interactions. I am doing things alone that I never thought I’d do before. I am trying and learning to be happy with my own company. That’s me so far.

Much love,

Tee