I know this reply may not hold any answers or maybe even any help at all. But reading your party really let me know that there is some one out there who is going through the same thought process I do daily too. I haven’t found an answer or a way yet but just like you im getting pretty tired of the feeling of everything I do feeling so ingenuine because I thought of all the motives that coulda made me think the thought. But I hope it helps you a little just to know that there is someone else out there!