Hi anita,

that’s right. I work in a very abusive environment. I’m in my last year of surgical training (7 years after medical school). Things have improved but we (especially surgery trainees) still experience a lot of abuse, mostly verbal. There’s a culture of bullying, toxicity, sexism and plain meanness. There’s also a lot of passive aggressive behavior and issues among the surgeons, lots of  drama. It’s taken a lot of action from the graduate medical association in the country to change the culture but it’s still there. I had some tough times a couple of years ago but now that I ‘have thicker skin’ like the surgeons say it doesnt bother me as much. At least not to the point of crying every night.

Thank you everyone-

I didn’t contact him this weekend. I was working so I was busy most of the time. I haven’t had urges to text, more like check his ‘stories’ on snapchat because I used to do that all the time (anyone on snapchat would know that those stories are just an ‘attention seeking–attention giving’ tool,  ha!) but Im no longer on the app. Good thing. I haven’t had facebook or instagram or any other social media in several years so that helps.

Chloe Rose– thank you for sharing your experience. I can see why self hatred would make this worse or prolong this situation. I did some thinking and I also feel like the way Im treated at work can trigger some of my behavior. Im often yelled out and other things and when I go home I just want to go to a happy place. Im making my home, husband and doggy my happy place now. I’ll be finishing in this place in one year and hope to find a nice happy workplace as well.

Will keep you updated and thanks again,

Tania

Thanks everyone,

I’ve been feeling bad about this for a while and this week I just couldn’t take it anymore. Your insight helped me. I realized Im being ridiculous and being dishonest and immature.  I texted him this morning and although I had so many things to say, I took Peggy’s advice and kept it short. Tame Impala’s song, ‘eventually’ has been playing in my mind for days so the text I sent him had some tame impala vibes 🙂

I said: MJ, you know I’ve been drawn to you since I met you. Im changing and getting older, I need to move on. I’m happy to see all you have accomplished and wish you happiness. T

he read it but didn’t reply. A few hours later I deleted my snapchat account and blocked his cellphone number.  It’s sad but I know with time we will both be happier. Thanks to Anita , Mark and Peggy for your advice. I couldn’t talk to anyone in my circle about this.  To Anita, I will try to get better on my own before seeking therapy. My work schedule is tight.

Sincerely,

tania

Hi anita

Thanks for your response. I don’t want to separate from my husband. I love him, there’s nothing wrong with him and we have a happy life together. I know what im doing is wrong and I will stop.