Eight, with respect, it won’t pass. I have been going through this for four years now. I am sick of the ‘tactile hallucinations’ (which are of the sexual variety). I don’t know what to think or believe, but I know it is not mental illness I am going through. I am now beginning to wonder if on the one hand the previous owner of my kidney was into weird sexual stuff, or on the other that perhaps I am being plagued by spirits. All I really know is that I am thoroughly fed up with it.

You say it’s all a part of the process, that all the nasty things are coming up. I don’t agree. This is something else.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

A little update on my situation.

Since I last posted I have quit church and I no longer play the organ there. (I no longer believe in Jesus Christ or God). I also had to attend a PIP assessment which seriously affected my mental stability at the time, and I recently discovered that the mobility component of my benefit has been withdrawn and I will have to live on less than I did before. As I type this my brother is in hospital after a serious operation, and I continue to experience bouts of depression, tactile hallucinations and other strange things in my body. I weep every day, have a growing addiction to painkillers, and generally mourn the passing of my old life.  I am about to admit defeat and see the doctor about my tactile hallucinations, though I will have to keep it a secret from my parents. (The last time I told them about the tactile hallucinations my father said he would expose me as a liar and my mother became physically ill).  I am also losing interest in my music and am contemplating selling my instruments.

I generally hate my life now.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.

I have never met anyone of the opposite sex. I have been single since birth due to the hypopituitarism which has blighted my life.

I don’t feel special. My life is falling apart and I’m about to lose my much-needed disability benefits. I don’t know what I am going to do and I don’t see a happy future in store for myself. All this spiritual stuff seems like a sick joke in comparison. God could choose to make me healthy so I could stand on my own two feet in an increasingly difficult and hostile world. But instead I get these strange experiences that don’t seem to make much sense to me, let alone anyone else. Yes, I was able to correctly predict the name of a man I had never met before. So f*cking what? How is that of any use to me or anyone else?

Speaking of church, my church life is over. I am quitting after tomorrow and I feel quite pleased about it. Church has long since ceased being of any spiritual value to me.

Incidentally, the Star of David refers to King David of Israel, not St David of Wales.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser

Thanks for your input Eight. I did do some research at the time only to come up with even more coincidences. Here is what I wrote in an online forum at the time (March 2016):

“I think I am an incarnation of Neptune because of the impossible coincidences I have seen in the past week. I am either the god Neptune or I come from the planet Neptune (I don’t know which is worse!)

Here are the ‘coincidences’:

Neptune is the ‘esoteric ruler’ of Cancer. I am a Cancerian.
Neptune is associated with the ash tree. This month [Mar 2016] is known as the Celtic Ash Tree month.
Neptune is associated primarily with the colour blue, but also white. My favourite colour is blue. Most of my favourite clothes tend to be blue.
Neptune is associated with fish and the sea. The star sign we are currently in [Mar 2016] is Pisces.
Neptune has a trident. So do I. I made it myself out of iron 30 years ago.

I have come to understand something about Sea Kings such as myself. It is a spiritual and cosmological thing in one aspect, and evolutionary progress on the other. Look at Dagon. Look what he symbolises: half man, half fish. In other words, our evolution from fish to man. The fleur-de-lis* on his head symbolises his enlightenment and his return to the celestial realms (our true home). Dagon reached the highest point in human evolution, and in doing so he recognised his true status as a god which he had forgotten about in the primordial slime. You are all gods and goddesses, you just need to wake up and remember who you are (there will be clues around you in your life which you have subconsciously put there to help you remember).”

But it got even weirder than that. I had placed the trident (a large long-handled three-pronged toasting fork) behind a pair of bellows against the wall. It was hidden from view. When I saw it again, the trident had moved back into full view. No one had touched it.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Tannhauser.

Does Santa have to objectively exist to be real and only then related to?

Well, unless Santa actually travels the globe in one night distributing gifts, then no, he doesn’t exist and isn’t real. It’s funny how Santa never stops at the houses of poor kids who live on the wrong side of the tracks. I wonder why that is?

Like I said, it’s a lie.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser

I tried to edit the above post because it is my ego that was speaking. There’s a war going on inside me between the Ego and the Real Self. The Ego likes to always be right and always follow the rules. The Ego has accepted that there is a ‘process’ going on and it is now trying to get the process right. This is a problem for me, and explains why I sometimes make irrational comments like the one above.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser