I completely agree about not trying to some super-hero guy. From a young age I learned to push myself to excel, to be perfect, but out of a misguided belief that it would get my father to pay attention to me and to be kind to me. This became an ingrained piece of my personality that I only recently could see it for what it was. So, here I am having so many positive attributes but no current relationship. That is when it all came to me that it isn’t about being the perfect this or the perfect that. It is about being authentic and being approachable and friendly. Some of that comes from loving ourselves and letting go of the negative things we tell ourselves. Only really thinking we are pretty wonderful lets us be wonderful to others and people love, love, love others that make them feel good. When I will get a boyfriend, who knows, but at least I feel good about myself.

To be clear, Tim, women do not want to have SEX with Alpha Males. SOME women want to have RELATIONSHIPS with males they perceive as Alpha and end up having sex with them under the mistaken belief that the guy will make them their girlfriend. PUA often employs techniques to give women the impression that you want to have a relationship with them or that you are really in to them in a way that would lead to exclusivity. Women want relationships, not casual sex. Yes, there are women who purport they are just looking for hookups but usually it is a misguided attempt to look “cool” thinking that will get the guy. Casual sex and/or looking cool does not get the guy.

As others are saying, PUA is a bunch of people’s opinions on how to hookup with girls for the most part. I have seen some advice that is about guys feeling better about themselves to meet girls and end up in a relationship. Most of the PUA is just about getting girls into bed. So, if you want to change your view on dating and relationships, stay away from PUA as it will just depress you. A lot of it is cynical, manipulative and just plain ugly. I wouldn’t fire your therapist yet either. They need to work with you to see when YOU are ready to change your mind about how things work. Until you are ready to change your belief system to believe in romantic relationships, no one can make it happen, they can simply help you sort through your thoughts until you figure it out.