Forum Replies Created
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Hi Matt,
Calling it as I see it. Yes it is a judgement. My opinion based on the writings, my culture, etc. Raising these possible outcomes because when you’re in butterfly love the butterflies can sometimes cloud all rational thinking.
Axel – just advice. Just because you Can do something, does not mean you do it. But you know that.
Big blue
Hi Jess,
I’ve gone through job loss and in my case I let it affect my self worth initially. I felt shame. Eventually I was able to get going again and I’m back in my groove with the best situation ever.
To get yourself going first you just need to accept yourself and what is happening.
Matt’s suggestion for a break is a good one. Also, do other things for your health.
Then make yourself take steps for a job worthy of you. Yes do some online job hunting (I got one job this way), and also meet people. Identify places you’d like to work and find a way to talk with someone. I’ve found jobs through contacts.
I found a great recruiter who helped me.
Go for it. Plan on getting rejections or non-answers, and also interest and offers.
Big blue
Hi Axel,
Maybe it’s your language again, but one does not usually contemplate the feasibility of an “open relationship” with a spouse and a person you described as like a daughter. But, I really don’t need to parse words when you obviously 1) have a thing for a woman half your age who quit as your employee because of it, and 2) are so wrapped up in it that you are having trouble seeing the risk of still being and touch and making the love more legitimate with an open arrangement. You’re all adults. You might also consider that all of your digital communications can be used against you in court when one or both of the women get mad / emotional / jealous / greedy / opportunistic / rightly outraged whatever words you would then use, and sues you for sexual harassment or divorce, or both.
Big blue
Hi Axel,
If she had not tipped her hand, it would be business as usual.
It’s a rush I know. I had this happen under different circumstances after my wife and I split up. Even then, I distanced myself.
I’m going to be very blunt so stop reading if you want to move from butterflies to the two if you riding a unicorn. Tha fact that you are asking about this shows you are not thinking clearly. Her age, that she quit due to her feelings, your position as boss, and what else..? Oh yes ….helloooooo you’re married. The issue is as Matt said, you are enmeshed. Simply stop wondering and take a COMPLETE 6-month break. You need to do this. Do this. No oscillating. For you and your wife and for this young woman. Also for your business which can be put in jeopardy when your wheels come off at some point. For your other employees. For your customers. For others who you can help unless your life collapses due to this situation. After 6 months, take 12, then 24….COMPLETE.
Big blue
Hi Steve,
I went through several very rough years like you. I have my career back. I am on good terms with my ex-wife.
– See a counselor or psychologist
– Discuss your situation only with them and maybe one or two others only
– Eat really well
– Get 7-9 hours of sleep
– Exercise hard doing what is fun and challenging
– Try to have your ex see the boys.
– Be supportive about her as their mom when around the boys shes their mom
– She is not dead don’t even use that word
– Avoid reminders is a good idea
– Be civil with her
– Don’t text email or otherwise message except briefly about seeing the boys or other essential things
– Realize your worth is not determined by a relationship or a job
– Figure out what positive things you can do.
– Forgive yourself
– Forgive her. I know just do it
– Become free as a person rather than a victim
– Reframe this as a learning experience
– Challenge yourself
– Be very aware and open going into relationships when ready. Talk with the counselor.
– Don’t take your baggage on dates. Ever. Don’t talk poorly about her.
– If a date or relationship goes poorly ok no worries. Try but don’t let it hurt your worth of self. Just say it was not a match.
– See the world with fresh eyesWhat do you think?
Big blue
Hi Amanda,
Have you talked with some people in each career? If presented as informational and not a job search, you may get a 15-30 minute meeting to ask questions and get advice. Would the experience help you? Would these contacts help you later? It’s primary research. What do you think?
Big blue
Hi Rahel,
I have been reading your dialog with The Ruminant.
Given your high IQ, you now can study this topic including the books identified. As you go let’s hear what you are learning. Please include us more on your journey.
The Ruminant you are very kind and patient in sharing your wisdom!
You both deserve kindness to yourselves. Treat yourselves to something nice.
Thank you for your dialog – it reinforced what I gave learned about how forgiving myself and others has set me free to be a better me moving forward.
Big blue
Hi VK,
My first girlfriend – I don’t think was love looking back. Nor my second.
My ex-wife was / is love. Over 20 years. She ended our marriage. Horrible. Years past. Good terms now. Who knows re: getting back together.
VK I had a crazyish gf for three years. 75% great to amazing times 25% abuse so after trying to help fix the abuse like you I moved on for myself.
Eileen I know – guys cry too.
Elly this is awesome: “Just because we love someone doesn’t mean they’re going to be in our life forever.”
Best to you, ladies!
Big blue
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 