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Melissa

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  • May 7, 2013 at 10:25 am #35211
    Melissa
    Participant

    I would have to say he would be my brain because of all of his mind games he played with me and how it’s still affecting me.

    May 7, 2013 at 7:12 am #35199
    Melissa
    Participant

    Hi Carlos,

    I appreciate your reply. I will be looking into EFT and emotrance like you suggested. I know and understand how even though we are not together anymore and havent been in contact with him for over a year, he still has control of my mind. I know that’s not healthy and he does not deserve my tears and pain…but it’s just so hard sometimes because flashbacks come back every once in a while and i keep replaying our conversations and arguments and think what i should have done differently….but its like Marilyn mentioned on her reply post, his words and behavior have nothing to do with me. I just need to remember that.

    May 7, 2013 at 7:03 am #35198
    Melissa
    Participant

    Hi Marilyn,

    Thank you so much for your kind words and your understanding. I know that his behavior is a reflection on him and not on me, but it hurts when i remember the things he would say and i would try to understand why he thinks that the way he treated was deserved.

    Two days after that incident i sent him an email stating how what he did was wrong and how men should never lay a hand on women. I even sent him a list of signs of an abusive relationship i looked up a few day before that happened because i knew something was not right with us. I do regret doing that because thinking about it now is not like he was going to agree in saying “yeah i have a problem”, but his reply to it is the one that’s kinda driving me crazy. He said that normal women dont go online and do such kind of research and that i should have asked him why does he abuse me instead of going online to find an answer. He also mentioned i should have gone to see a psychiatrist and he would have joined me appreciately…but with all honesty..i think if i would have brought the subject he would have never joined me for a counseling session.

    It makes me angry how he thinks that me reading that list was the thing that ended the relationship because according to him now he understands why my behavior changed against him.

    I think i need to point out that he was originally from India and when i met him he had only been here in the states for 2 years. Sometimes i do feel i was the only one he treated like that because he mentioned his past 3 girlfriends ended because his parents didnt agreed to it or because their religion was different (they were all from India as well) and how he still keeps in contact with them and they all still want to be with him, which says that he’s a good person and that im the one with the problem and not him (thats what he replied to me)

    Thats why im always asking myself that i might have been the only one he treated like that…im just so confused… :s

    May 5, 2013 at 11:40 am #35128
    Melissa
    Participant

    Hi Lori,

    I really appreciate so much your thoughts and encouragements regarding my experience. I was actually very happy that someone replied because i was so depressed when i wrote that and needed to hear something from someone. I followed your suggestion and looked up meditation videos on youtube about letting go and resentment. I did one and tears just started coming out because i felt i was letting go. But i guess i have a weak mind since before taking a shower i started crying again thinking of how early in the relationship he called me stupid and how he didnt like me and how i should have the self respect to just say to him that i would be more stupid if i continue to be with such an unhappy person like himself…i even kneeled and prayed to god…pouring my heart out and asking him to please make me understand that none of that was my fault.

    I will continue with the meditation and will try to do it every day..i actually read those post you suggested and see how they can help me..i just need to be strong.

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