Hi Anita

In some part yes, it’s been a bit of a pattern with a couple of ex’s.

My previous girlfriend smashed her leg in an Accident before we met.  She wrote to me earlier this years, 5 years after we broke up thanking me for the love and commitment I gave her and her kids and apologizing for her behavior that forced us to part.  She was wanting to meet and explore the possibility of getting back together.  We chatted but I made it clear that I wasn’t in a position emotionally to even consider getting in to a relationship.  However, we now remain good friends and I helped her daughter with a family situation this summer.  I didn’t get the same feelings for her, that’s no doubt down to time being a healer.

This really is the first time that I’ve thought about my ex and our relationship with a clear head and without being clouded by grief and getting angry at seeing her face.  The whole situation knocked me for 6 and really threw me off track.  I’d believed that my ex’s choices last year were down to me and that I expected too much from her.  However, to me they are the basics of any strong relationships.  My gut always told me that when I had an issue, my ex wouldn’t be there and it seems I was right.

I did play a role in that though as I stopped being the man I was when my dad got ill and I spent most of my week at my own property caring for my dad and supporting my mum.  This meant she was alone and the re-modelling of her house (I was doing that work) came to a stand still.

It also meant that my planned move to be with her permanently got canned.

My new lady and relationship is totally different and new to me and I’m trying to focus on that.  It’s nice to be in a relationship where there is no drama and me and my lady can focus on each other and my son.  My new lady doesn’t have kids and we are able to do things together and as a little family.  It’s everything I’ve always wanted, yet somehow, since these events, I wished that was me and my ex.  The last 3 or 4 days have been tough for me.  I’ve fought every thought of contacting my ex, writing to her etc to apologise.

Writing the above helped though as it’s given me perspective again as to why my ex and I aren’t together and that what I feel is totally normal and part of my grieving process.  It’s also shown me that what I have now is a real, mature relationship between 2 adults who support each other.