It’s been close to a year since this thread began, can the original poster give us an update? Everyone else is also welcome to give an update as well!

I can offer my perspective as the “dumpee” in this situation. I was MADLY in love with a woman last summer. We started dating, even though she had plans to study abroad next semester (both of us were entering our final year as undergraduates). But in spite of caution, we fell in love. By the time she boarded the plane, we had made plans to move away together after graduation. I wanted to marry this woman!

However, trouble arose as soon as she touched down in her new place. She was in a lot of distress at the overwhelming experience of being in a far off land, compounded with the loss of our physical intimacy which we had both come to depend on as a source of comfort and rest. The stress triggered a lot of old anxiety and sadness in her, and it was agonizing to see her in such pain. After a few weeks, her distress normalized somewhat, but now there was a palpable emotional distance between us. Our Skype conversations felt uncomfortable and forced, and after each time we hung up, a wave of profound despair would wash over me. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but in hindsight I know that this despair was an unconscious awareness that it was over. Sure enough within a couple of weeks she broke it off, citing her feeling increasingly distant from me. I was devasted. Where once was the vision of a beautiful future with a woman I loved with all of me was a cold and dark void (I won’t apologize for the cliches since I have come to understand, from reading other accounts, that they are cliches for a reason ). We discontinued any form of contact (for healing, this is ESSENTIAL for both parties following a break up! Also, you MUST unfriend them on Facebook. Seeing your pics of ex with her new boyfriend will renew your lease on suffering and multiply it by a thousand).

The most important thing I can say is that everything you hear about heartache being a source of inspiration, of spiritual and personal development, is absolutely true. I was in so much pain that I threw myself into applying for grad schools. I no longer needed to wait for her to decide together where to go after college, and I was desperate to have a hopeful future to replace the void where ours once was. Much more importantly, I discovered my spirituality. I began a daily practice of meditation and started doing yoga. I didn’t expect these things to have any effect, but after about a month I noticed, with a deep awe, the flowing oneness underneath the universe, and I had developed an unprecedented capacity for emotional expression. Alone in my room, I would burst into tears, astonished at myself for the depth of my sorrow. But also, throughout the day, I would have overwhelming and unjustified bouts of joy.

Weird, innit?

In the end, I got accepted into a PhD program. When my ex returned, I gave her back some things and we had a pleasant exchange for a minute or two. Then we said our goodbyes, and she walked away. That was that. We have had no contact since. I don’t know where she is or what her plans are, though I would be lying if I said I hadn’t endlessly and obsessively speculated about it. I suspect that she felt a great sense of belonging where she studied abroad, and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she has returned there. Certainly, I doubt that she is through traveling. But I cannot know for sure without asking her, and I am still too heartbroken (and terms eight damn months) to resume contact with her.

All in all, I am grateful for the time we had together, but I am even more grateful that she had the courage to end it, because in that pain (and there was A LOT of pain, and still is) I rediscovered who I really am, or at least got on the right path for doing it. People fall in love, and they fall out of love, for whatever reason, for no reason at all other than just growing apart. We had grown apart. I did all that I could do, but it just happened. I realize now, that while I was certain that I wanted to spend my life with her,the both of us still have a lot of growing to do before we are ready for marriage and a family. She realized this before I did. I am thankful to have had my heart so utterly broken because now I am more equipped to love, to know what love is,to know how unsafe and uncontrollable love is,and to know how deeply I value love in my life.

So, the final word: Yes, OP, he is heartbroken because he loved you. And because he loved you, what he really wanted was for you to thrive and grow, even if that meant without him. You fell out of love with him. Likely because, like my ex, you realized that you needed to expand yourself and grow, and you were being limited to this end by your attachment to him. And, like me, he will soon look upon his broken heart as one of the most important events of his life. He will look back on his heartache and see how it helped him to grow, deepen,transcend, expand.

Some quotes, (both paraphrased since I don’t have the source material on me ATM):

“The wound is where light enters the body.” -Rumi

“When you love each other in such a way that you both feel free, then your love is true. ” -Thich Nhat Hanh

So there’s that.