Hi Oskari,
I just read your entire thread and I’d like to weigh in. I’m also going through something devastating and extremely painful with an ended relationship. The members who have contributed to this have said so many great things that I agree whole-heartedly with, that I don’t know how much more I can offer in the way of advice. I’m new here and very impressed with the insight people on here have and share.

But I get the impression that you feel you’re beyond advice at this point, and you just want to vent and try to figure out how to live and deal with your anger. The paradox you pointed out seems logical on the surface. But just because you can get over someone doesn’t make them less valuable and special. It’s means you’ve done something for yourself, in spite of anything about them or having to do with them.

You said that focusing inward on yourself doesn’t work for you. I get that. It might be more accurate to say that you don’t want to focus inward because you aren’t ready to stop focusing on the girl and how much you want justice served. I might be wrong. But, I also understand the feeling of wanting the other person to suffer so badly that you feel if you let that go, you’re somehow letting them off the hook and they get away with what they’ve done with no proper punishment.

Taking this one step at a time, and sorry if this falls under ‘advice’, but what I’ve been reading that is helping me deal with the same thing is “Tiny Buddha – Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions”. by Lori Deschene. I downloaded the Kindle version to my pc and started reading it within seconds. Then after a while, I ordered the hardcover version because it’s that good. Especially the first chapter about pain. It hit right at the heart of the matter for me. There are no simple answers to things like this, but there is some simple wisdom that you might be able to find answers in. It’s worth a shot. I’ll be off and on here and hope to help in any way I can.

Best regards, Angie