I understand where you are coming from. I have always wanted to have a big family too. I got pregnant with my second child and had to make a very tough decision to let it go,. I will never get over the fact I could of had a second child. Whenever I get down though I remember why I chose not too. Motherhood is a blessing but It’s a lot of work especially when they are newborns and we get no sleep. I look at parents taking care of their babies and think man I’m so lucky i get to sleep and she’s potty trained. Lol. Hmm what else… Your son is getting older and more independent you get to be you again. Right now I struggle with life decisions because I don’t have a sitter. Soon he won’t need a sitter. You won’t have to worry about who will pick him up or what not.
I hope my advice helps because I totally understand how hard it is to let go of a dream. But then you get to create a new dream with a world of possibilities. And like the last poster said. If its really meant to be it will happen anyway. So don’t worry no matter what you will get what you need just maybe not what you want. Best of luck 🙂 sorry for the long reply