Hello again guys.

I’ve really had trouble letting this instance go, and it happened about 10 months ago! While logically, I know it is best to let go (and agree with the sentiments given on this forum), I’m finding it near impossible (I have moments of relief, but it still feels tattooed in my mind). This might sound odd, but is it possible to suffer from some MILD case of PTSD from negative events in our lives (break ups, failure, disappointment, etc.?) I seemed to repress the negativity for many months (attributing it to outside causes, and not my own doing so much). This stays in my head pretty much every second of every day – exceptions being when having fun with friends on the weekend. I think it really started to stick around April – when she came back to our school after a leave of absence – and I had been single for some time, and in need of companionship. Not to mention, the feeling of failure (as a man, and a teacher) by having a student dislike me because of a bad class.

My mom had a serious depressive episode as a young adult due to a romantic regret, which she felt “required” medication and therapy (neither of which I’m interested in).

I SHOULD mention that some of the stress is multiplied by the fact that I’m in the middle of writing a dissertation, which I have been really struggling to do because of constant feelings depression and regret. My sleep has also been very poor (getting about 3 or 4 hours a night it seems).

Though I have good things going on in my life, I can only seem to focus on this at the moment. It’s driving me a little nuts.

Thanks,

Steve

Apologies for not mentioning that. You’re partly right about me being worried about other’s people’s opinions about me. In this case, I’m not sure if it would have made a huge difference or not. She gave me her email address, we exchanged a couple of messages, and agreed to meet. However, after that class, it was over and done with (we never met).

I do tend to have a guilt complex at times, and do often care too much about other’s opinions (despite logically knowing that it is silly). So…..you might be on to something : ) However, to those that I know, I openly mention the email. IN this case, perhaps I WAS worried about being judged….interesting.

I feel the information provided is still very relevant. Thanks again!

Thanks you so much guys!

Hahah there’s one very understandable misunderstanding 🙂 ACTUALLY these are adult students. Most of my teaching experience has been with kids (a level I feel comfortable with). I used to teach in Vietnam, and one of my early memories was having one of my younger students point at my and say “I hate you!” Hahah I was brand new, nervous, and didn’t know what I was doing. Actually, that didn’t stick with me nearly as much as this did.

About one year ago, I moved to Japan, where I teach ESL (English as a Second Language) to both children and adults (the latter being new for me – both in terms of the nationality, and the age group). I think your assumption about them being children came into play when I mentioned my rude student. This is very unusual in Japan, but actually this rude student was a young woman in her late 20s : ) VERY unlike typical Japanese behavior, and maybe even a little childish – this particular one has a reputation for being this way. Despite this, my class clearly did not go well, and her reaction has been tattooed into my brain it seems. Catering to low-level students can be a tricky affair, and requires a tricky balancing act (there’s a difference between low level 1, and a higher level 1 student, and they’re often mixed together).

Anxiety was a factor in this class – brought on by the fact that my planned lesson was not going well. The fact that this is still a factor is a source of frustration. Granted, this is a new teaching context for me, and I am learning. There is something traumatizing about having an adult (paying) student be so upset with a lesson, that they would openly be defiant. Perhaps though, this is not a normal student, and I should not take it so personally (I know my mistakes, and I’m certain I would never have a class go that way again).

Some of my anxiety does come from not feeling fully confident in the planned lesson. As mentioned, it can be tricky finding a balancing act with younger students. Also, Japanese students are quite different than Vietnamese (shyness is far more of a factor here, and being careful as to not embarrass them can be a factor).

I agree with you on the external validation. Especially in my teaching context, certain personalities will cater to certain student types.

Thank you so much guys. I really need to get over this insecurity, and not take it so personally.

As for Ayahuasca: perhaps not necessary, but there have been miracles in helping (or curing) such things as PTSD, anxiety, depression, and other things. Perhaps overkill for this particular situation – though the introspective nature of the drug (or medicine as it is called in the Amazon) could benefit a lot of people I think.