Hi anita,

I’m not sure if being a bad person is my core belief because I only usually feel this way when I went through OCD with intrusive thoughts and with the situation I mentioned on this forum. I think the reason why I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy when I remember this memory is because it goes against my morals and I started questioning myself. I also don’t recall anyone from my childhood who falsely made me believe that I was a bad person, but then again maybe I just didn’t remember.

I do know that essentially my problem is that I worry and over think a lot – to the point where I forget and neglect my priorities. I worry what other people think (I feel this stems from my family and the need to please others), I worry that I might be failing (When compared to my friends and people my age, I feel that I’m so much less successful), and sometimes I feel unloved (from my parents divorce and them not being present during my childhood). Is it possible to have more than one core belief?

Thank you!

quackingphilosopher – Thank you so so much for your kind and encouraging words and thank you for being so understanding of my situation. In a way it feels like you already know me because you were spot on in describing my feelings. I do currently feel lost in my life and feel a lot of shame for it because I thought I would have everything figured out already by this point in my life, I tend to dwell in the past, worry too much about the future and things I can’t control, and thus not fully living in the moment. When I think rationally and objectively about this situation that’s upsetting me, like you mentioned, I feel that I may be overreacting and taking things too extremely. But there’s always something in the back of my mind (my conscience perhaps?) telling me that I’m not overreacting and that what I did was wrong and unforgivable. It happens when I feel happy and care free – I start to worry and think that I don’t deserve to be happy because of what I did. It’s a constant battle.

It’s nice to hear that you see me as brave. I don’t see myself as brave though; in fact I am scared of many things. As for a strong sense of justice, I think that is true because being a good person and doing the right thing is important to me and I expect the same from people close to me as well. I think that’s why when I suddenly remembered this memory and thought, I felt so guilty and terrible about myself. You mentioned forgiving ourselves and forgiving others. This may be one of the more difficult things for me to do sometimes because it’s hard for me to let go when someone has hurt me, and even more so harder to forgive myself when I made a mistake or hurt other people. It’s definitely something I need to practice and work on.

Again, thank you for taking the time to listen and understand what I’m going through. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your empathy and wonderful advice all the way from Singapore 🙂 I hope that I can do the same for you if you ever need anything and wanted to share your story on this forum.

Peter – thank you so much for your kind and reassuring words.

Anita – I have never been to therapy before or had any experience with psychotherapy. I have considered seeing a therapist and get professional help for my anxiety because it has been deeply affecting my social and work life. You are absolutely right in describing my feelings about seeking answers to resolve my anxiety, but then doubting the answers I received. It’s an ongoing vicious cycle for me. It feels like I stop everything going on in my life because I am so fixated on a fear or worry. Thank you again for your help.

Hi Anita. Thank you so much for getting back to me! I really appreciate your thoughts! The origin of my anxiety I feel may have started when my parents divorced when I was 3 years old and I didn’t have them around often when I was growing up. But I remember really noticing anxiety when I first started college. I felt really lost in life, I had a lot of health anxiety, and went through a break up with a boyfriend that really affected me. Like you said, I don’t think the origin of my anxiety had anything to do with sex.

Regarding what I did to my baby cousin when I was 9 or 10 years old, do you think that counts as sexual harassment or abuse?