Before I go to work I feel I should say you really should not accuse people of things you have no evidence of. The first 2 posts you are accusing me of writing I was actually away on holiday on those dates, where my “incident” hadn’t even taken place yet!! What I wrote in my one and only post was entirely what had happened so again, the accusations that I’ve lied about what really took place are not true.

If you want to re-read my ONE and ONLY post once more, that is my story, that is what I posted looking for advice on. Nothing more. No other posts, no other “quotes”, no lies or mental health diagnosis. I wasn’t looking for sympathy I just thought it would be a good place to let things out until I saw my therapist as I was really struggling mentally. I still am.

Hi there Anita,

I’ve just read through your latest response. To be honest I haven’t got a clue what you are referring to? You are using quotes that I have apparently said like “has anyone got any tips to get over the guilt?”. I have never and would never say something like that. There is about 3 more “quotes” you’ve used that I did not write either.

I work full time and started a new job on Monday so haven’t had the chance to come on here and respond, so your assumptions about me just seeking reassurance or whatever you said isn’t correct. Also the mental health diagnosis you’ve given me with OCD isn’t correct.

You’re right. I will do that. I’m due to see her next Friday so I will think about how I will tell her. I know she isn’t there to judge me but deep down I think in my head she will.

When I think of that I think of it going one or two ways, especially with my mother. I’ve not got a close/good relationship with her and never have gone to her for help or advice. She loves my boyfriend a lot so I think she would be really disappointed in me and almost think how could you. Although the other half of me knows she’s had issues with her marriage over the years (I don’t know anything in great detail) so she would maybe say it was a mistake that’s never happened before and will never happen again and to forgive myself. I don’t know

Hi Anita, thank you so much again for your reply.

I’m in tears reading your response because I feel like you’ve described exactly how I feel and I don’t think I would’ve been able to put it into words like you have.

I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for around a year that has helped me tremendously. I have come so far and I’ve improved my self awareness dramatically. Funnily enough, before my holiday I told my therapist when I get back I want to try and stay sober for the rest of the year to really work on myself. I cancelled my appointment last week with her because I was too ashamed to tell her what I had done.

Every time I think of a reason this could’ve happened I just think get a grip and suffer the consequences. I really feel like I’ve ruined my life as dramatic as it sounds.

I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve just had a read through those threads.

I am so in love with my partner and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I truly do. I can imagine someone reading me saying that would be horrified as you don’t behave the way I have when you are in love with someone. But I am.

I KNOW I would never and have never in 8 years come close to cheating on my boyfriend, sober or drunk at home. When this incident happened I was very drunk and I don’t actually remember everything leading up to it. (I know it was just a kiss and nothing more). Moving forward I have decided I no longer want to drink alcohol, I never want to be in that position again. Also the fact that I will never go on a “girls holiday” again, I feel like that was a first and last get it out of my system type of thing. I want to work on myself as a person and be the best partner I can be.

As for telling my partner, I am still unsure. The guilt and shame and hatred is killing me but I almost feel like if I did tell him it would just be off loading my guilt and hurt onto him. I don’t think he would leave me, which is why I think I shouldn’t mention it. Because he will live with that pain. What do you think? I welcome any advice at all as I am just trying to know what’s best.

I’ve learnt through this that the grass is definitely NOT greener. I’ve been with this man since I was 16 years old and he loves me. We’ve both made mistakes in our relationship, he was inappropriate to a girl around 4 years ago but I got over it and put it down to the fact we were both really young. Anyway I’m rambling about nonsense now.