Kirk,
I am truly sorry you are going through this situation and I can’t imagine the stress and pain it is causing you. From what I have read, you are filling all roles and that is not how a marriage is supposed to work. You are parent, housecleaner, chauffeur, cook, and money-provider – while some people handle all those roles, they are traditionally single and not in a committed marriage. Something has to give and I truly don’t want it to be your mental, physical or emotional health but that is the way it is going.

From an outside perspective, it seems as though your wife has checked out of your marriage completely and have no respect for you as a person, let alone as her husband and provider. Based on the information provided, it sounds like she doesn’t want to be married anymore and may just be waiting for you to be the one to say something. Her losing her wedding ring and not even wanting it replaced (or even if you replaced it – wearing it on another finger) are signs on the wall. You mentioned removing your own wedding ring which might be indications that you are feeling the same about your marriage.

I am sorry to say but her little note would have been the last straw for me. Anita is right – no matter how you try to hide this situation from your son, children are very astute and pick up on things that adults would rather they not and growing up with this level of vitriol would be worse than being a single parent. There is also the fact that she is threatening YOU with taking him away is a poisonous situation and just generally dangerous all around. She is attempting to use your child as a weapon and that is unacceptable.

You stated above you are a “happy guy” but that isn’t the information being presented here. You are not happy – you are surviving and trying to make the best of a bad situation. It might be time to examine your life a little closer – are you truly happy with her? It sounds as thought she provides nothing but tension and stress to your life at this point. If you truly want to save this marriage – it might still be possible but ONLY if she is still willing and it would require counseling. However, I believe that you might be better off going your own way and looking out for yourself and, more importantly, your son. It is clear that you would be more than able to support yourself and your child, especially since that is what you are doing currently with little help from you housemate (I apologize but she isn’t acting like a wife).

Please make sure that no matter what you do – you put yourself and your child first.
Sarah