Hi Anita,

I told him that I can’t go a day without a text message from him (that he remembers me in a day). Then it came to a point that he missed one dayy and I would get frantic and asked him why he missed. Then I would question where he is, things like that.

He even told me that I cannot control other people and I have to trust him. The tantrums are mostly getting angry, being demanding, being controlling, questioning for all the wrong reasons.

I will never forget the last message he told me “You do your own. I do mine. You can force your actions. Not mine. Thank you for being yourself”.   he means by being myself was me being selfish.

Cheska

Hi Anita,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I agree with you that even early as a child, I was no longer able to feel close to her.

I also noticed that the way my mother demands at me is also the way I demand to my former partner. Basically, she is blaming you for the consequence of her actions against you –>  Is it because of my upbringing that I react to my former partner the same way as my mother when things don’t go my way? Is my mother actions mirroring to my relationships?

What do you suggest I should do?

I am currently living with my mother because I am supporting her (basice needs – shelter, food). Will I be able to transform the childhood neglect / aggression my mother instill to me during my childhood?

Cheska

Hi Anita,

Based from what I can remember, we had fights because I wasn’t cleaning the dishes or I was answering back at her. I was reprimanded for not doing the chores mostly. She yells most of the time. I used to sneak out of the house and when I came back at home, she’ll be very mad at me. There was an incident that she was very angry about a chore(?) and she had to throw something at me. I forgot to remember what was the issue back then.  She was mostly verbally angry and when she’s at her peak, she’ll find something to hit us (e.g. broomstick). We were living with my grandparents when I was child. My mother and together with his brother (my uncle) technically raised me and my brother (we have a 7 year age gap). I was born out of a complicated relationship which my mother never told me until I asked (during my 20s). I asked my aunt about it and they were the ones who told me that my mother got pregnant with my father but they broke up. My father never knew that my mother was pregnant until years later. My grandparents did not like my father so they insisted my mother to raise me alone. My younger brother is a half brother. I never grew up with a real father figure and I was never close to my mother which always sparks jealousy for her. I am much closer to my aunts.

Hope this shed a light.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Cheska.

Thanks anita for acknowledging my question.

When I was younger,  my mother and I had lots of fights together. It was a bit physical at times but I learned to toughen myself. I am a bit hard headed and we don’t get along. She usually is not around during my childhood because she was taking of my brother (who was infant at that time) and my cousins in the city. At home, growing up I am at most grumpy and I focused most of my energy on my studies. At school, I am this bubbly and extrovert person. I worked hard to where I am right now. I have stable job back home and friends whom I can trust. However, when it comes to love relationships I tend to be controlling. For someone who doesn’t like being controlled, I am somehow appalled of this revelation.

As years go by, I matured. My mother and I have good relationship now. There were no physical fights and but we still come across for disagreements. Right now, my mother is scared of me because I am supporting her. I don’t like controlling people but there are something that I tend to control about her (for e.g. spending money).