Dear Anita,

“– if you don’t disinvite her and suffer her presence during your birthday weekend (enduring her negative, on and on venting, etc.)), then you’d be a bad friend to you, wouldn’t you?”

“And you’d be losing you, wouldn’t you?”

-I want to be a good friend, I want that to be apart of who seaturtle is. So by giving up on her wouldn’t I be going against myself too? I need to learn when I need to let go of someone/something, but recently I gave up someone (you know who). And now I think I don’t want to do it again unless it is so so necessary. I do not want to lose me. I want to find me so that I know what I need to lose… I wonder if it can happen in that order..

 “you are afraid of being your true, assertive self, so you are hoping that she (P) will make the right choice for you.”

You are right. Instead I want to be assertive and kind, and I am going to attempt this. I want to honor my assertive true self.

Seaturtle

Dear Helcat,

“for when you notice that your false self arises…you can notice feelings of stress arising in your body… The idea is to notice these feelings in your body one by one and sit with the feeling, give it an opportunity to relax and open up.”

“I would say that the easiest way to tell if you are falling into patterns of your false self would be to reflect on your emotional state. Are you feeling calm? If so, probably not.”

– Does this also go for when I am bored and want to not be? In those moments I do feel slight stress/ resistance to the way I feel. After I have done what I wanted to with a day, and I still have time at the end, I am working on what to do with that time. Right now I find myself turning on the tv, getting chocolate or a glass of wine, but I am starting to notice, I get this boredom at a certain time every day and feel the need to fill it with entertainment or inspiration. Sometimes it is art, which I wonder if that is more productive than a movie and sweets. When my roommate is home it is easy to just talk or do something together. It’s funny I am asking for Shakti, for clarity and more life giving energy, yet I am not sure where to spend it. In those moments of boredom I feel restless, my mind says find something to do! If I just sit there, I feel calm, but unsatisfied. If this feeling of boredom is something that can be solved within, I am not sure how, because I have attempted relaxing and becoming aware of my state of mind, but then I just feel like “now what?”

Do your thoughts remind you of anyone you know? Have you heard something similar before? Remember the absorbing patterns from other people and experiences.

This is interesting, I am going to try and ask these questions when I feel stress. Realizing when a thought isn’t me.

“For example, I value kindness and understanding. But when I’m feeling triggered my thoughts become distrusting, feeling like people are intentionally hurting me and become defensive. You see my pattern of the false self?”

So then reacting out of any past pain is a false self. Does this mean whenever I feel like negativity wants to leave my body, that, is a false self? Does recognizing your false self help you to find your true self? Do you think that at the core, all of our true selves are morally/ and belief aligned? If we see someone acting as a false self, how do we engage with that?

As I read further you said you engage with changing the topic. If you observe that they inevitably wrap back around to something negative, do you remove yourself or try to help them? I wonder if trying to help people in this way is productive at all, or completely not our place?

Seaturtle

Dear Helcat,

I wrote to you yesterday and for some reason the post is waiting for moderation.. I am not sure why.

“Have you got any meditation practices?”

Yes! For the past 5 years, whenever I have felt myself in a streak of anxiety for more than a few days I have used the app, Headspace, to guide me through morning mediations. There I learned to meditate through going into my body, as well as visualizing a light coming from the sky through the top of my head and glowing out of me as far as I could visually stretch it. Since researching Buddhism, I have learned about meditation through self reflection, before I didn’t realize this was a type of mediation, but I had been doing it before, as is obvious with my posting on here in general. I have also practiced empty mind meditation. This morning particularly I woke up from some negative dreams and attempted to meditate to wake my third eye, I just focused on the space between my eyes, thought of the wisdom it brought, then decided to have some tea with it. I am not sure if there is a more effective meditation practice to open the third eye (aka my ability to see things as they truly are)?

“I don’t know if you’ve heard of Traditional Chinese Medicine? “

I have not, but would like to learn! Last year I did not eat well, lots of takeout, weed was involved, and so was an abrupt move from moderate weather and seasons, to intense heat and dryness. Stress and sleep trouble were also involved. I am still on a self reflection journey to see what happened to me last year, why I felt/was so unconscious. Although I did lots of art in that time, I wonder if consciousness is apart of that, or if art is meditative?

“Buddhism is great at unpicking things and helping you to choose what you’d like to keep and let go.”

This is one of the reasons I am seeking out Buddhist teachings, because I want to let go. Although I have some fear around what those things are, my messages here to Anita have been about my long time friend, P, who since being on this journey, has seemed like part of what I may need to let go. But I have thoughts like “what if she is just that way because of …. right now, and will wake back up, I shouldn’t give up on her?” “Doesn’t being a good friend/family member mean to stick by someone through the lows?” When to release.

“False selves. … A conditioned response, where we default to a learned pattern in times of stress.”

How do I detect when it is my false self wanting to make a decision, or me, and if there is this separation… then who is me? If false selves have conditions and preferences, does “me/I” have preferences too? That is a big question I have had on this journey. I was feeling artsy one day and built this shelf in my room, it is painted sage green and has pink flowers all over it, I put some plants and a jewelry box inside. After I made it I thought “that is my style/ my aesthetic, it resonates with me and I love it.” A short time after, I got to the portion of Michael Singers teachings about false selves and it made me wonder…is that piece of art just an accumulation of what I have “falsely” identified with in my life? If so, what even is my art…the expression of false selves?

“A lot of Buddhist practices are designed for monastery life. So it’s hard to get too deep into it, but definitely helpful for lessening suffering.”

This is what I have suspected. I do not want to be a perfectionist about it because that is just another false self entering the equation. It is hard to live by certain things and not bother others.. if you see someone acting as a false self, asking you to do something, do you say no and call them out, ignore them or just do it?

“Surrendering and accepting things as they are is difficult! I always resist. I’m stubborn as a mule!”

Hahaha, I am stubborn too, although I identify more with a seaturtle, the sign given to me by the stars is a Bull, and I can’t argue with that.

“And some of these books about Buddhism. If you come back to them in a couple of years. Parts will make sense that didn’t make sense before.”

I can totally see this being true, it has already happened to me, this is the third time I read Untethered soul and it took till this time for me to actually see that Surrendering is the answer. Also, The Power of Now, I was given that book when I was 17 and I remember wanting to understand it so badly but I was just rereading the same thing over and over. But now I read and understand which is validating to growth!

Seaturtle and Bull

Dear Anita,

I acknowledge everything you said in your last post.

Seaturtle 🙂

Dear Anita,

” I wrote to you: “particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him.”, and you replied to this quote with: “I agree with this.” This is important for my understanding, that you agree with this point. “

-This is something I have to remind myself, but I do believe and I was reminded when we were together. My thoughts still go back and forth, much less than before but every once in a while I get this thought that he was fixable, but it’s just a thought and I know that is all it is. He is deceptive, especially to himself.

“caring for and listening to a deceptive man… makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier”

-It does, and I was reminded when I saw him again. Seeing him again would remind me again, but there is no point unless to get my stuff eventually or repay him. Just like alcohol and marijuana can rapidly close your third eye, so can N aka; a deceptive person. Now that I make that connection I see part of what kept me with N, a closed third eye why alot of people do drugs, right? He is a drug in this way.

“connecting this to the deception topic, you are talking about continuing to un-identify with deception, removing it from your 3rd eye and from blocking/ interfering with any of your chakras. I want to continue to do the same in my life.”

-Our third eyes are on the same page.

“this is what N has been harping on/ using to make you feel bad…He’s been continuing your father’s abusive work: guilt tripping you, and re-sending you the same (false) accusatory messages.”

-I am proud of my third eye not completely closing for the rest of my life with him. It was open just enough to know it didn’t want to always be close and to be with N, meant to close completely. A major turning point for me was also realizing I wanted an open third eye for my future kids, those exact words didn’t come to my mind but I knew on some level a relationship with him wouldn’t encourage my awake self for a family. I saw myself becoming my mom, with a closed third eye.

-Hopefully instead of there being alot of damage to my heart, done by two men sending it the same message, hopefully instead is a heightened awareness as to what it feels like to have someone close your third eye, so I can steer clear! There is probably a little bit of both, new damage and new awareness.

Seaturtle

Dear Anita,

I would like it if this thread will not be only a conversation between you and I, but a place where more members will participate in, members with more knowledge of Buddhism.

-I would love nothing more!

Shakti Seaturtle, that’s the goal?

-Yes (:

Remove the impurities (deceptions, false beliefs, invalid shame and guilt, misunderstandings), aka samaskaras,  and you end up with pure cosmic energy, aka Shakti. Did I get it right?

-Yes, that is what my understanding is as well. Invalid shame, guilt and deception (past) and invalid anxiety, fear.. (future). Learning to just Be Now. What I learned is that our minds cannot figure out what/who Being is, giving it the task of figuring out who we are, as the watcher of our thoughts, emotions and outside world (I would also add bodily sensations to that, but those are the three Michael Singer spoke of) is a waste of brilliant mind potential. As humans our minds have discovered amazing things when given the right tasks, and I believe I have given my mind tasks that I am working towards releasing, such as the task to make me comfortable, and more tasks I am sure I haven given it.. I wonder if it is my minds job to release samskaras, or what part the mind plays in that process…? From my understanding, a way to release is to relax in the face of the discomfort. I want to separate mind and “I.”

I think that it’s about accepting and surrendering to the truths of this world that we have no control over (we can’t change them), and focusing on what we do have control over

-How do we get more clarity on separating these two categories?

Seaturtle

Dear Anita,

” (1) by using the word cleaning, do you mean that F referred to any sign of you (your words) such as your backpack, your shoes being .. dirt? If not, what did you mean by cleaning?”

He called the conversations “house cleanings.” He said cleaning as if “clearing” the air. Or, clearing his perceived air… He used those times to get everything off his chest that I had done to not show gratitude, such as leaving my stuff out, a dish in the sink or not talking with him enough when he got home from work. At one point it also bled in to how I treated his girlfriend, I made a comment about age that I don’t remember and apparently it hurt her feelings and she told him, he told me I was unaware at those house cleanings, unaware of what might hurt his girlfriends feelings even, all the things I was “unaware” of.

2) “we have to talk, there have just been too many things piling up. I just don’t understand why you do these things, why can’t you be more thoughtful of me. I have done all of this for you and you don’t even acknowledge it. You could acknowledge it by having a meal ready for me if you had free time, or at the very very least have your things cleared. Infact I think you should start to cook around here since you have so much freetime to sit around and watch your shows. That shouldn’t be too much of a sacrifice for you. (does she have any awareness? does she care about be at all? why doesn’t she understand how to be grateful, she must not even see what I am doing for her. But oh she’s crying, maybe she does have some emotional awareness, she sees that I am hurt and seems to understand and not want me to. maybe things will change). Let’s come up with a plan.”

– his plans involved inspiring me to cook for him or clean, but the plan would always start to dwindle away, I think cause it wasn’t my true self, once the inspiration he temporarily gave me to care for him in this manicured way I would stop, then a month later would be the next house-cleaning. They were just about every 3 months.

Seaturtle