Wow your wife lucky to have you! for you to call her your soulmate and you won’t stop fighting for her. Me and so many of my gfs only dream that a guy would say that about us. idk, seems life has messed you guys up. Sounds like she should cut you some slack but also idk she sounds drained and tired. what spontaneous things have you guys done recently to liven up the marriage? of course there’s some depression and drain on both sides, and i don’t think theres a simple fix to your marriage. But when was the last time you swept her off her feet or did something really sentimental, fun, exciting with her ? when was the last time you both experienced joy together? She will probably think that its not enough right now cuz from what you say it sounds bad, but theres so much pain between you guys, that thats what she feels and gets reminded of when she sees you. She needs to feel joy, fun happy, feminine sexy when she sees you. When was the last time you guys went dancing or did something new or different. End of the day however, you are willing to put in the work and that is so commendable. Therapy between you guys would take months, maybe even a year, its a process and a commitment, nothing will work like magic, but it takes two to tango.

Anxious Irish,

From someone who can be a bit demanding and tough at work, reading that made me realize I might intimidate people I work with. Why I do it? I like the job well done, and I don’t like slackers. I also work with even tougher people, and why they choose to single people out & bully those specific people, its because they feel that they can and that they can get away with it. Why she’s doing it? I don’t know her but to be honest she sounds like she has a lot of issues and insecurities herself. For her caring why she wasn’t invited to the hen party. Anxious irish, trust me when I tell you this, this chick honestly sounds more anxious and insecure than you. If it was me, why would i give a shit if i was or wasnt invited to party. This chick, cares so much.

Now what I think you should do. I am no therapist and this is probably not the zen advice that people would give.

But “fake it till you make it.” and “kill them with kindness” and “don’t forget humor”

First of all why she was invited to the wedding, people try to do the polite non confrontational thing and something that wouldn’t upset or cause a scene. No one wants that. So as many times as you keep thinking why she was invited, tell yourself who gives a shit. Fake it till you make it part, you go to that wedding, put on the nicest dress you have, get your hair done, have some drinks and stick to your friends that make you feel comfortable. Kill them with kindness – be minimal with her but polite, that is all. Do not acknowledge her more than that, & whatever she says, let her say it, and you know what your response will be? A freaking smile that is all. Keep smiling, keep drinking, and if the conversation gets too negative just say something like “we are here to dance not to talk, and go dance. ”

Stick to friends that make you feel comfortable, wear a dress that makes you feel pretty and wear some goddamn red lipstick. Also, pre-game, as in listen to your favorite music beforehand, something that makes you feel super light and super girly. Something that gets in touch with your feminine side. Everyone is self conscious about something, trust me, it really doesn’t matter how fat you are or how ugly you think you are, honestly, what shines especially in these situations, is how comfortable you are underneath your skin, and you can fake that until one day, it just becomes you. You have to realize how you perceive yourself, really is not what everyone else is perceiving and everyone else is thinking about their own shit. She is just being mean because she is unhappy, and sometimes people say things, that hurt other people but they don’t realize.  Anyway, don’t try to think of comebacks or shit like that, it will only escalate shit, just smile look pretty, and dance. That really is what will piss her off the most.