Hi Cycloman,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I to feel if I could grasp some sort of closure I would be able to know that one day I will heal. But I don’t think I’ll be able to find it in or with the help of anyone else but me. Last night I sat in bed struggling not to pick up the phone and dial his number. I have so many questions (although quite honestly I’m sure in the moment all of those calm and collected thoughts I would want to ask would just fly right out the window) and of course objections to what has happened. But I know him, and I know what to expect from him, if he had picked up that is. I would hear myself pose a question in my head and I would hear him answer it, and it most definitely would not be what I wanted to hear. So I didn’t call, instead reaching out to a dear friend.

I have to wonder why the ones we loved gave us such reassurance, only to turn around and take it away. Part of me believes that they were trying to reassure themselves as much as they were us, and unfortunately in the process hurt us deeper than intended. Maybe they really did feel that they loved us and believed without a doubt that they wanted to be in the relationship.
My friend told me last night that I just have to be sad for a while, an obvious statement, but so very true. There is just no way around that fact. The hurt is overwhelming, but it hurts because it was something wonderful even if it ceases to be now. No break up can take away the good times away from us, they were very real.

A big struggle I’m finding, and maybe you are as well, is the feeling of “how the heck am I supposed to move forward from this?” It is one of the worst. I think as humans we have this fundamentally flawed error of associating all of our future activities with our partner at the time (whether planned or not) and then when we break up we naturally think that all of those planned activities are no longer possible. Let’s remember that this is not true, everything we want and planned to do can and will happen. And just maybe through it will start to heal.

We all deserve to be with someone who truly and honestly wants to be with us back. I hope so much for you that you find that for yourself.
– H