Dear Anita

Thank you for your valuable advice. I may not still be the best of myself but pretty soon I will be. You have showed me the problem. Now It will be a lot easier to find the solution. My first priority is to grow confidence about myself and be friends with myself rather than being disgusted. We are all about thoughts and being able to know what is what. I tried the meditation you said. The very next time I contact you I will give you the best news of mine.. Thank you for helping me. This was a stage what no one could understand. Now It is something very understandable.. Thank you very much.

Someone

Dear Anita

I have started keeping a journal of how I feel and started talking to myself through the journal. It is quite helpful. Now I can feel THE PRESENT little by little. Thanks to the blogs. Now as you asked me about my parent’s dependence , after I get married I will move to my husband’s house. We will be a joint family living with my husband’s parents and his brother’s family. I am willing to help my parents financially and also come to their house whenever i get time because they need me of course  as they are aging. I don’t think this as a burden rather think of this as a return of what they did to me when I was a child.  Besides my future in laws are amazing persons. They already treat me as their daughter in law and I have seen my mother in law’s behaviour with her older son’s wife. She treats her as if she were her daughter. I used to be so fascinated with this as they are a very very close family. My family is not like that,  As my parents share no romantic relationship. They obviously love us but in comparison with my boyfriend’s family we family members are not that much spiritually connected. Whatever It is, My boyfriend’s family is middle class just like us but there is a family status difference as his father did not work the same profile job my father did. So my father did not like the family at first. Now he has consented to the marriage considering my happiness. All these family status things worried me at first when I just started dating. but then I thought It doesn’t matter what our parents did. We have to make our own identity. He always had a dream of a certain career. When that was not working for him I was supportive because I thought everybody should follow his dream. But yes sometimes I thought of him pursuing a different career but did not tell him so because I did not want to be that woman who would pressurize his partner leave his dream while he is still capable of that. He at last got his dream job. Then one night when I had the negative thought first that I MAY NOT LOVE MY BOYFRIEND rather I still love my ex. It just came to my mind as I felt nervous whenever I saw him around and would avoid him to leave this awkward situation. I made a conclusion out of that. I tried to leave this thought as it disgusted me. The more I tried to leave this thought the more it was settled in my mind. I became devastated. I did not what to do. Then all the negative thoughts I had earlier about my boyfriend just banged me one after another and I was thinking to myself I have to leave him no matter what. I tried to make myself understand I am all hyped but then the inner voices in me started telling me I am a coward, I am living a lie. All those things we hear in a failed relationship I was just saying those things to myself whereas in real life we did not have any problem. Sometimes it was so unbearable I tried to break up with him several times. I thought maybe I don’t love him because I am not sure about our future. I mean everytime I have a different reason. I cried soooo much Anita. I had blank stares. I still get horrified thinking about those times. Everybody seems so sorted out in their life. I have a perfect young life. We have our future ahead. We have so many options. He is so affectionate to me both mentally and physically. Still I think the unnecessary thoughts rather than thinking the REAL things of life.. 🙁

And an early sorry. I just read my post and It seems like I was running from one topic to another 😛 I am actually in a good mode . That’s why all the emos are flooding. thank you again

In case you read my post, my boyfriend knew about my past ‘ex’ thing right from the start and he actually don’t feel anything coz he thinks these things happen in life. But when he saw me hiding the news of his marriage he encountered me saying ‘do you still like him?’ it was his mad talk. He still didn’t have a job then. So he was frustrated and argued that I was drawn to see his wedding pictures because That guy has a job and He arens more. That definitely wasn’t the scenerio, I was just curious. But it banged my head so hard I couldn’t stop thinking like that.. would you suggest me any meditation so that i could connect my body and mind together and focus on the REAL things rather than these imaginary problems?

Hello Anita

Thank you for replying me. Actually I AM afraid. I am frightened at every other little thing. One moment I am thinking about the guy I just met, I kind of liked and not telling my boyfriend, the next moment it is the guy I dated for merely one month and the fact that he just got married to a more beautiful and more established girl than me. The fact is I don’t want to feel anything to any other guy, it disgusts me. I become mad at myself. I mean true to speaking my boyfriend is a really wonderful soul and he is wayy more attractive than these guys. But yet I don’t know why I am nervous around any other guy? I actually went through these things before I was In a relationship. I used to like every other guy I see. It was fun back then as I was single but now it’s a burden. I am obviously not a teenager anymore 🙁