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  • February 18, 2018 at 8:18 pm in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #193239
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    Hello VJ

    I did go through each of the articles twice yesterday and took notes before submitting my previous post, but I was still a bit confused. It was mostly the parts where it was about taking responsibility for things not remotely connected to a person (like apologizing for a tornado happening), but I definitely like this mantra.

    As you said though, last night I was repeating it before bed and I truly felt some sense of relief. I find it very hard to turn of my analytical mind (I value logic and rationality, but also spirituality), but this time I may just let my soul take lead.

    Thank you for posting those articles, the manta is much appreciated and I hope it will continue to help 🙂

    February 18, 2018 at 7:00 am in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #193131
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    To anita:

    Moving out does seem pretty tempting. I’m thinking maybe when my little brother gets a bit older we could get a joint house together or something similar.

    To VJ:

    That Ho’oponopono mantra seems really interesting, but I’m a bit confused on how it works. Am I apologizing to myself for not being able to forgive? I’ve tried repeating it a few times and I feel something, but will it help me forgive my mother?

    February 17, 2018 at 11:47 pm in reply to: I am deeply ashamed of having no pain tolerance #193057
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    Hello anita

    That does make sense, but on the bright side I do feel safe from abuse now. After all the medication and therapy my mother has gone through I have seen she wont be abusing me anymore. The emotional memories must be a bit of a hurdle, but I think I can do it. At least I know why the forgiveness is coming a lot harder than I thought it would (I’ve been trying for a while now).

    February 16, 2018 at 7:26 am in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #192817
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    To VJ:

    “Realize deeply that not forgiving is hurting none other than you.”

    I think I should repeat this as a mantra or meditate on this, for some reason it wont sink into my soul even though I have it in my head.

    To anita:

    Luckily my mother is not abusing me anymore. She ‘apologized’ by telling me she was sorry, but she never truly took responsibility for what she did and the effect it had on my life (she can be extremely self-centered, but at least I got something). That is completely accurate that seeing her and hearing her constantly makes me feel upset and angry, but I mostly spend my time in my room or with my little brother anyway. The problem is that I unfortunately dropped out of high school because I was a bit suicidal at the time, and I don’t want to leave home because my little brother and father are the only two people I really have.

    It may sound a bit silly, but I do have a plan to develop a video game to earn some money. Indie developer seems like the only job I can do by myself (composing, art, and coding), and I have some experience from when I was a child. I may decide to move away if I ever join a bigger team after gaining more job experience.

    February 16, 2018 at 7:13 am in reply to: I am deeply ashamed of having no pain tolerance #192815
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    To anita:

    That would explain why I feel so tired and stressed all the time. Seriously, forgiveness seems like such a vital life skill I’m surprised they don’t teach it in school.

    To princevaliant:

    I didn’t think you meant forgiveness wouldn’t help, I was just saying that even though forgiveness may not fix everything it’s still my #1 priority. With all the exhausting repressed emotions gone I will finally be free, even if I have some residue left over. I will definitely have to pick my life back together after forgiving, but it will be so much easier after I’ve let go.

    Your post also made me realize I need to truly validate myself as well. I thought I had, but it seems I still feel strangely guilty over what happened even though none of it was my fault (it can’t have been, I was a child). I’m going to focus on this to help me forgive easier.

    February 13, 2018 at 9:55 pm in reply to: I am deeply ashamed of having no pain tolerance #192369
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    To anita:

    Now that you say it, I have been able to deal with a lot of anxiety over my life. I never thought much of it. Maybe my pain tolerance just isn’t tailored towards physical pain, instead it’s for other kinds of pain.

    To princevaliant:

    Thank you for your kind words and experiences, and I very much connected with that story of the businessman. I understand forgiveness may not fix everything, but I do think it will help me stop feeling so messed up every day. I tend to feel empty most of the time due to repressed emotions, so without them there it should allow me to finally recover and feel normal. Financial independence sounds good too, I’m going to make a plan for that. I’ll also look into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, mindful practices are definitely my thing.

    I’ve begun to think that possibly my pain tolerance is more of an emotional one, not a physical one. Hopefully when I get my inner self sorted out my physical pain tolerance will get better as well.

    February 13, 2018 at 8:53 pm in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #192367
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    Hello anita

    That is true, I definitely think my mother intended to cause me pain. In fact once she even told me to my face that she couldn’t stop, I was an outlet… I was mainly thinking of my father when I typed that, my mistake for not specifying enough. He has hit me a few times in the past and the psychological damage was nowhere near the scale of my mother, but he was mostly dragged outside to be belted or hit for discipline from his parents as a child, so he has struggled in life. I don’t really find that any excuse to attack me, I just find it slightly easier to forgive him because he is honestly trying to make up for it and is a genuine parent beneath all his pain. My mother, on the other hand, is not.

    Thank you, it is good to look at reality as it is. I will work on accepting that she was trying to hurt me so I can let go sooner.

     

    February 12, 2018 at 2:46 am in reply to: I am deeply ashamed of having no pain tolerance #191985
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    Hello anita

    Looking at what you said about animals being angry, meaning they are in danger but are able to fight, maybe that’s why I feel repressed anger much of the time. Applying logic to my emotion, I had to argue a lot in the past with my family, but now that the situation has changed and I don’t need to fight I should have an easier time letting the anger go. There just doesn’t seem to be a reason to hold onto it.

    My father being a black belt also doesn’t have too much influence on my shame, but I do consider him pretty tough. It’s just a bit strange being his son while having a minimum pain threshold.

    February 12, 2018 at 2:37 am in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #191983
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    Hello Maryrose

    I like the orange metaphor, I’ll have to remember that. You’re right on the consciousness levels too, I’m sure my parents never intended to be abuse to me, it just happened. I’ll try to focus on that when forgiving them.

    February 10, 2018 at 9:38 pm in reply to: I can't forgive but I need to #191825
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    Your reply truly fills me with hope, I’d really love to move on in life. It’s also great to hear you accidentally forgave your parents, I wish I could do that, haha. Seeking professional help does sound like a good idea, trying on my own hasn’t worked these past few years. Thank you!

    February 10, 2018 at 3:39 pm in reply to: I am deeply ashamed of having no pain tolerance #191809
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    To CarpeDiem:

    I am 20 years old, and maybe I could ask my Dad for some help. It does seem like a good idea, but I’ve been reluctant to talk to him in the past (he’s a black belt in Tai-Kwon-Do, earned it three times in three different dojos, so low pain tolerance is embarrassing) because our relationship was a bit shaky. Now we’re on better terms, so maybe I could open up a bit.

     

    To anita:

    I apologize for not getting back to any of your previous responses. I’ve been wresting with social anxiety for a long time but it was still rude, so I am sorry. Thank you also for your message, it seems very wise. I’ve never really considered my feelings as messengers, more like enemies. I’m going to shift my attention towards the situation instead of my reaction to it then. That is also a relief to hear about anxieties effect on pain tolerance, I think I can fix that.

    November 8, 2017 at 3:07 pm in reply to: Dead End #177105
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    To Peter:

    Thank you for the recommendation on the books, and the advice is appreciated. The Art of Forgiveness looks promising. For the riddle, if I’m none of that, then am I the present? Am I nothing?

     

    To anita:

    I’m not truly sure what another could say to make me feel better. I suppose I’ve always wanted a mother to speak to my feelings about, express to, and possibly give advice. Some guidance in life to help me feel less lost. I just express myself through music instead.

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)