I’ve visited these forums and the website pretty much everyday since my breakup a year ago, and I actually made an account just to respond to your question. Anita is 100% right: please don’t bother responding. I am older than you (25) and was with a guy for nearly three years who just like your ex was paranoid and jealous and treated me horribly, but I didn’t know what love was and thought I should tolerate everything because love is unconditional blah blah. I’ve learnt my lesson, and what I would like you to know is this: you are incredibly mature and strong and I want you to remain that way. I wasn’t during my relationship, but something — possibly my self-esteem that I buried deep down inside somewhere to deal with my ex’s idiocy — kicked in, and I completely cut him out after he broke up with me. Right before my final exams, mind you. I was a wreck, but no one other than family and close friends knew. And he sent emails, he said he wanted to be friends, he said he missed me, he said no other girl would be the same and he would never find anyone like me, he sent me texts with inside jokes; but, I stayed strong — and I am SO grateful now. It’s been over a year, and I am incredibly proud of myself because I avoided him and didn’t pander to his needs at the expense of my sanity and health. Not unlike you, I was worried that not replying might hurt his feelings, but whenever I thought like this I sat and wrote down in bullet points everything nasty he had done to me (sexting other girls, calling me terrible names, etc. ), how much he had hurt my feelings during the entirety of our relationship, undermined me, — and guess what? Any feelings of worrying about his feelings vanished entirely.

Like Anita said, if you must reply, send what she’s written and then throw your phone aside and live your amazing life. You are incredibly strong, and as I mentioned earlier, your post resonated so strongly with me because of the similarity of the situation, and I would like you to know that you will be happy you put yourself first here by recognising that it is not worth opening old chapters, especially if they have caused you pain in the past.

Two quotes by Rumi that really helped me during my breakup:

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

“Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?”

Stay strong, and have a lovely Christmas! 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by sofiapofia.
• This reply was modified 9 years ago by sofiapofia. Reason: formatting errors