I remember she gave me some tips on how to stop ruminating, I don’t remember her giving me any CBT exercises though. I still think I have OCD even though she told me she didn’t think so. It was a very quick judgement, she said that after only one session.

I wish I could see a good therapist too, I can’t at the moment though. My mom also doesn’t really believe I have OCD, or at least she really hopes I don’t (understandably). I told her what my therapist said about how she doesn’t think I have OCD, and how I thought she was wrong and my mom told me it seems like “I want to have OCD”, which is far from the truth. I hate that I’m obsessive, and that I look for reassurance. I just felt like my therapist was invalidating my issues.

I do see that I need quality psychotherapy, hopefully I get that sooner than later.

Thank you for responding Anita, I saw a therapist for a few months, my therapist said she didn’t think I had OCD because she thought I didn’t have any compulsions, she also said that she thinks im just obsessive. I kind of think I do have compulsions though, because whenever I’m obsessing over something I look for reassurance, but I still don’t know if I have OCD.

I don’t know why really, but I just felt like something was off. I would obsess and obsess over it, always trying to fix it. I would spend hours doing google searches about relationships. Maybe I was just being obsessive, but I don’t want to get back with him and feel the same way, that might give him false hope.

and I’ve seen so much that you just “click” with someone, so I thought because I don’t always feel like we’re “clicking” the relationship must be wrong.

He did have a lot of good qualities though, good sense of humor, kind, was very much into me and I thought he was really attractive. I might not find someone like that again for a long time. I’m second guessing my decision a bit.

Thank you. I am very sure my responses aren’t sexual. They just happen because I focus on the area of my body and try not to get it, but when you do that there’s a reaction down there.

Ok, I appreciate your response Anita, I will do it for sure then. I don’t have any real sexual pleasure from my sexual obsessions.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.

No she hasn’t yet. Something went wrong with the insurance failing, so she can’t get me a therapist or psychiatrist yet. I will eventually though.

Okay, thank you Anita. My mom was just going to find me a therapist instead of going to a psychiatrist and maybe getting diagnosed, but I do want to know if I have OCD, and if I should be taking medication, so I’ll bring that up to her. I’ll be sure to update after I seek professional help

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.

Hello Anita, I’m sorry to bring this back because I haven’t said anything about it for 2 weeks to you, but lately I’ve been stressing because of something I did in the past. It’s kind of similar to the time I tried to have a sensation “down there” to my friend’s little sister. But this time it involved external movement. It was with my cat, I basically did the same thing that I did to my friend’s little sister. Except that I touched my cat’s nose/or let my cat touch my finger. I just know that it involved me moving my hand forward so my cat would sniff my finger.

My intention was not sexual gratification. My intention was to prove to myself the sensation didn’t mean anything. I remember before doing it, I thought something along the lines of “see! it doesn’t mean I’m actually attracted to them, it would happen if any animal or person touched me” so I was trying to prove that the sensation didn’t have any meaning. For some reason, in my mind, I just didn’t think of it as sexual. If I did, I would not have done it. I just wasn’t really thinking when I did it.

This is what I meant when I said that I made this same mistake 3 different times. The other time was with someone washing my hair in a beauty salon, I tried to have the sensation with the same intention that I had with my cat and my friend’s little sister. This was actually the first time I did this, and I remember after I did this, I had this realization of what I tried to do and questioned if I sexually assaulted her. There wasn’t any external movement from me though, so I’ve kind of let this go because it had no effect on her.

I guess my question is, would that even count as a sexual act? or just trying to have a sensation that I didn’t even think of sexual really, I was afraid that it was though. I guess I didn’t really know if it was sexual or not. It was done out of ignorance/impulsivity.

also, I guess this doesn’t actually matter since I didn’t actually do it but, I was thinking if I did this to my friend’s little sister, a worker in a beauty salon and my cat, would that mean I could have done this to a family member? I’m very grateful that I never did, but it upsets me that maybe I would have if they were around me when I was trying to prove to myself that the sensation didn’t mean anything.

I don’t know if you’re going to see this or not, but if you do, I would really appreciate if you could tell me what your perspective on the situation is. Because the only person’s perspective I have on this really is myself, except that I told my sister about this a couple of years ago, and she told me that it’s okay and that we all do weird things sometimes, but I don’t really trust what she said because she was around 16 at the time.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.