Hi Dailymouse,

I have been faced with this dilemma several times and it’s a really tough decision to stick with, especially if your friend won’t let go of you.

I agree wholeheartedly with Carlos, you should move on from this friendship if you feel she is not good for your self growth and inner peace. Friends should contribute positive things to your life not detract from it. Otherwise, what’s the point of the friendship? In some ways you are also detracting from her life. She uses you as a crutch to make her bad habits stronger because you simply enable it to happen.

It has been my experience that once you let someone go because they aren’t treating you well (or themselves well for that matter) they will eventually realize what they are doing wrong. They will try to change because they want you back in their life or they want to prove to you that they are a good person. If not, you obviously don’t need the person in your life nor you in hers. If you never give them the space to understand their wrongful actions then how can they learn?

Sometimes they can’t change… I’ve had both scenarios happen to me. The friend that changed is still in my life and although she’s still kind of wild she has grown immensely. The other friend who hasn’t proven to me she’s changed, I no longer talk to. It took me months to get over it (and will probably take you even longer since you’ve been friends for so long) but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about her anymore (though we had a lot of great times together). I feel free from her negativity and manipulation and I can focus on being healthy and loving the friends respect me and add good things to my life.

Take it from someone who attracts soul suckers like nobody’s business, acknoledge who will benefit you in life and who will detract form it. Stay away from those who detract, they are a huge waste of time and energy. Yes, lessons can be learned etc… but for the most part they will just cause problems. The best thing you can do for her is give her enough space to find her own path to inner peace. If she always has you to fall back on, she will never find it because the path has to be walked in solidarity – it has to come from her own heart and soul.

There’s an article about dealing with difficult people on this blog “10 ways to handle difficult people” or something like that. Give it a read, it may help you deal with the situation.

take care,

Davina

• This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by Davina.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by Davina.