Britt,

Good for you for wanting to grow from this experience!

Take it from someone who has been there, you have done well to recognize that you shouldn’t stay in a relationship in which the words don’t match the deeds, especially when he goes back to “the same negative actions”. You were right that you couldn’t remain friends because of the pain, and then you just confirmed it for yourself with this little incident. Just look at it as a confirmation of your insight, not a mistake.

Your insights are clearly correct. You know what you need to do to take care of yourself. The only mistake is in trying to take care of him before yourself (“I think I did this to make him feel better and not so guilty for treating me this way”). Let him be responsible for his own actions. He has to learn his lessons in his way, just as you do.

It seems to me you are a sensitive soul with gifts for conscientiousness, insight, and understanding. Unfortunately sensitivity is often seen as a weakness by those who are (often much) less sensitive. Like all talents it has both benefits and drawbacks and must be used responsibly for the greatest benefit.

Two books that really helped me and opened my eyes: The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron; and Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie.

Trust that you know how to take care of yourself. You have all the answers!

Steve