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HarryParticipantThank you Anita. True, if I had more people to converse with, I would Definetely think less and maybe feel more adequate and a little more connected. I guess I feel I always do everything alone. I feel I never socialize, just always reading, and doing things to increase my general knowledge and Improving myself. That kind of eats me. My college friends don’t really talk much, they have their own social lives. Yes, at my college, there is counseling, but it doesn’t help me deal with these weird feelings. With the girl, yes I am out of town, but I do miss her. I guess I get attached to people very quickly. So, that’s something I need to prepare for, how? I guess I get attached because there are very few people M I talk to, so I think I kind of overwork them haha.
Thank youHarryParticipantThank you for the advice Anita. Like you know I don’t have many friend because of my hearing problem. I am working on it. However, I feel like I am so boring. I don’t feel like I enjoy life. All I do is go to college, and work. I don’t know how to look at it because I feel like I am inadequate and boring around people. I am not even that modern like others of my generation. I hate thinking in my head because this is straying me from my career path. Regarding the girl who I like, I am going to try my best to be good friends with her, but I need to be prepared to let her go when she leaves for college. How do you suggest that? With all of my other feelings, I feel like I have no real talent and don’t know anything.
HarryParticipantThank you, Anita. I always enjoy having a conversation with you. I have another problem. You see, I am in my early 20s and don’t need a relationship, but I like getting to know girls. Now, a lot of times I fantasize relationships because I have never been in one, but I know that I am not ready to settle into a relationship when I have my career underway. That’s where my mind conflicts a lot. Also, recently, the girl who I am friends with at work, I started liking her. In the beginning, she texted me, she is kind of seeing someone and wanted to be friends, but I don’t know if she meant it or not. I think about what I will say to her and basically making a conversation. However, I don’t know how to get her thoughts out of my head. Now, I thought maybe not seeing her at work might help, however, I think of her even more. She’s a great girl, but I don’t know what to do. Her thoughts distract me from doing my normal things, and I end up wasting time. I know that’s how it is in love and all, but I don’t know what to do! I know my Gemini nature, where when I like someone, I give it all, that’s why I try to be detached with girls, but why does it happen with me? Not many others reply on this thread haha.
Thank you for your thoughts
HarryHarryParticipantHi Anita, what a coincidence! You started a thread! I like the reasons that why people lie. In my view, people lie because they don’t want to be themselves. In addition, they are not comfortable in their own shoes (ie mental health, physical health, financially, etc). That’s probably where it stems from, in addition to lying under the necessity of survival conditions. The truth is people can’t stop lying because the human mind is programmed to want something more and more, so people lie more.
Let me know your thoughts
HarryHarryParticipantHi, Be-Still. I am having the same problem. With an isolated childhood, and emerging into young adulthood disconnected is really hard because if not led correctly, could lead to depression, etc. You see, we are the type of people who prefer deep connections, and not just fun and party all the time. In today’s world, deep people are hard to find. I suggest you journal your feelings or post here anytime. In addition, find people who are quiet, not so popular people, because chances are that they might be going through the same thing. Honestly, this is harder to deal with when connection with people is your primary goal/mindset. I had that mindset for the past few months, and it tortured me because it amplified the feeling I am not good enough. So, I suggest that you focus on academics or career while keeping connection as side projects, so you will be moving forward with your life and will be meeting new people.
Let me know your thoughts
Take care
HarryHarryParticipantThank you, Anita, again. I am thinking of a new mindset starting now. Since my hearing loss and my childhood make me feel like I am lacking something, missing something, this haunts me all the time. This feeling makes me feel outcast and gives me low self-confidence. Now, I will make a day to day schedule, and feelings would be thought over and reported at the end of the day in my journal. Plus, my mindset will be focused on academics and career portion of life, along with networking with people. Making friends and getting a girlfriend would be mini side projects because, in this world, those two take a lot of my time, thinking, and basically affect my daily life so much that I overthink all the time. So, with those two as my mini projects, I can move forward by thinking I am enough, and what I need to do to be successful. There were a lot of things I never got in my childhood and adolescence, so I plan to make some good career, so financially, I will never have a problem, and I will be able to get anything I want. I hate being some emotional person all the time, looking for people to fulfill me. It’s just a total waste of my energy because its very hard to find good souls who want to be true friends, not just a farce. In addition, for connection purposes, I plan on blogging as well and regularly checking with you here. Another question, why don’t you ever start a thread?
Thanks
HarryHarryParticipantThanks Anita. A lot of questions! So, how do you think people who study and work all the time without any social life live? A lot of times, I meet these people temporarily, and wonder!
Thank you!
HarryParticipantHey Anita. I was actually just thinking about when you will respond. Thank you. I just have one last question for you. I used to have a good schedule of a day to day activities and did what I need to do. Many times now I feel like I don’t know myself. I feel like I don’t know what my purpose is. I know no one finds their purpose and life is to be lived, but I just can’t shake off that feeling of being stuck, and not wanting to do anything. I just hate that feeling because I don’t like to waste time. I just don’t know what to do with life. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t have any interests. I just don’t know what to do with this feeling that I don’t really belong anywhere, or with anyone. Please help me find my why in life!!
Thank you
HarryHarryParticipantThank you, Anita. That makes a lot of sense. I would have loved to listen to you if I met you, haha. Last thread you told me to connect with myself through connecting with people. I have made a couple of friends, who I can’t go on a deep level yet. One question, when I invest my time in a friend, and when I am expecting them to be there for me, only to find out they are not. How do you think I should think past this, (this makes me scared from actually knowing people because I don’t want to be someone’s option, while they are my priority). Sometimes, people ignore me and I feel like why am I thinking about connecting with people or thinking of someone in general, while I could be learning. Clearly, they don’t want to know me deeper.
Thank you
HarryHarryParticipantHi Anita. Thank you for your response. I do realize that my hearing loss made me more introvert, and more conscious of myself, so I can connect with people on a deeper level. However, I feel like I don’t talk about the external stuff, that most people talk about. Everyone speaks about external matters because no one wants to be vulnerable. How will I know when to take the conversation on a deeper level, or whether that person needs to be heard through me despite having other friends or family? I try my best, but a lot of people of my age frankly, don’t need to be heard at a deeper level! Also, sometimes, I feel tired pushing myself through all of my minds turmoil. Sometimes, I wished I had a better childhood, so I could have emerged more connected to people in my adulthood now and would not be at war with my mind. I sometimes feel like I am not worth the journey of life because I am no fun and am boring because all I am good at is deep talk.
Thank you
HarryHarryParticipantThank you, Anita and Peter, for your insightful responses
Yes, Anita, I agree with the fact that you never know how a person is on the inside even if they are partying or hanging out with friends. I think that I read too many blogs, that’s why I overload myself with information haha. I guess I am questioning too much because I have to find out what drives me, what are my interests, and what I need to pursue because the thing is that I don’t want to waste any time. I think this may be because I was never allowed to pursue too many interests during my childhood at my uncle’s house. Also, usually when I am around people I don’t know what to talk about because usually, I am not much into social media or television, or movies, especially due to my hearing problem.
haha yes Peter, your guess is right! How did you know that? I guess that you are right that I nee o accept my authentic self and learn ways to accept them. I am honestly trying my best to live life and feel grateful of my situations, but when I look at the world through my different lens, I see that most people only talk about fun stuff and materialistic matters. It’s hard to find people who want to express vulnerability. So, that makes me feel like I should be more materialistic than I currently am.
Thank you again Anita and Peter.
HarryParticipantThank you, Anita. I did not post in the appreciation section, but what you do here really makes a difference. It’s like a type of therapy and connection. I forgot to tell you that Harry is the account name of Singh cool. I see how emotions guide us that we need to imply some change. However, what I don’t understand is that feeling that I am an outcast. I always feel like why do people do what they do, and how do they hold it together? What pushes people. That’s what I want to find out about myself. I don’t know what to hold on to when I feel like I am not connected to anyone and when there is emptiness in me. Then sometimes, I feel like I get bored easily. So, I learn new information online, but then I feel like what’s the point of the information when I am not applying it. So, I don’t know with what values and mindset I should live with.
Thank you for your timeNovember 17, 2016 at 3:14 pm in reply to: how do you accept when your loving partner says they cannot love you back? #120605HarryParticipantHey Juliam. I am not the right person to help you completely. However, i have been through a type of childhood trauma. Now I am in my 20’s it comes back to haunt me, in harsh ways. Although I am trying to heal, and be self-aware of my thoughts, its hard. I think that he might need alone time to reconcile with his feelings, and feel and go through them. He’s got to face those emotions, and let himself feel and express them in a healthy manner. Its very hard for me personally, but I know with enough tries, he will get there. I have not been in a relationship, so I don’t know why he would not feel complete given that he accepts your love and loves you as well.
Good luck
HarryParticipantHey Xenopus Tex. I don’t know your history, so I cant’t connect to you at the moment, however; personal time is essential in life. Do not live life on autopilot. Be in control. You are what you think you are. So, if there is things you like to do, anything, find time and declutter and pursue hobbies. Spending time on yourself and learning through this process is what its all about. Funny thing is, I think about my personal time and life all the time, and you are just the opposite.
Best of luck mate
HarryParticipantAlso, I have one more question. I read self-improvement blogs, and think about self-improvement a lot. Sometimes, I just get tired of being too emotional, especially being a guy. I mean, in general, girls are more emotional, but I feel that I am even more emotional than a girl at times. Sometimes, I take so much time thinking and reading about self-improvement, I begin to think man, I need to get out of my head, haha
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