What is socially awkward? What is trying too hard? What is normal? Everything that you’ve stated is subjective. It’s similar to asking who is right and who is wrong. Are rebel forces wrong for wanting to usurp a dictatorial government or is a dictatorial government right for wanting to eliminate a chaotic element of their country? The answer is both and neither. It is only what you believe. It’s the same in social environments. A conversation takes the form of whatever you wish it to be. Normal and abnormal are illusionary. What matters only is if the conversation holds for you any meaning (which can translate to a lot of things). However, I understand what you mean. If you find it difficult to make conversation, think of the well being of the other party when doing so and you’ll find that words will come out easily and also with compassion on your end. However, if you feel you must speak ‘pretend’ then its probably best to not initiate or milk a conversation out. It’s perfectly fine not to feel that you must make a conversation in order to break silence nor for appearance’s sake. You will only harm yourself in doing so and continue the cycle of feeling false.

Be at ease in feeling feeling detached because the truth is actually the opposite. You are taking steps to better understand yourself which will result in you feeling closer to other human beings. Through this assertion you become connected.

As far as your situation with your mother, to feel that you can only begin to live when she passes is the wrong way of thinking. If she could, your mother would not want to burden you in such a way and also would only wish for you to start living. Continue to care for her well being but do not let it dominate your mind nor your life. Your happiness is just as important. If she is at an age where it is time for her to leave, do not overly wallow. Feel joy that she had to experience life, both the good and bad, that you are there to care for her in her remaining days and that she was one of the fortunate ones to reach such a wonderful age. It may be more difficult done than said but you must always try to see everything in a positive light. If it helps, know that I am in a similar situation with both parents and still plan on pursuing my dreams. Anything can be done if you learn to balance it all and it is THE key in the success of our every day dealings. Making a constant practice of it you will greatly benefit your life. Work both on your happiness while caring for your mother. You can do it. It can be done. Have faith in yourself and if you need strength come seek it on here. We’ll be here to help you! 😉

In your case, I would say it’s not passion that you need to seek. Instead, I believe that you need to find what makes life worth living. At least it’s what I sense that you lack from your post. Unless you find the value in life, trying to find a passion will be meaningless.

It isn’t uncommon that you have no guidance at this early stage of your life. Sadly, we are a society, and perhaps even world, that focuses more on making us efficient employees rather than capable human beings. We come to learn what truly matters later in life, sometimes even too late, and it becomes difficult to learn ‘how’ to think when all our adolescence we’ve been taught to learn ‘what’ to think. This isn’t the case for everyone but through my own observations I would say it is definitely the case for the majority.

I will tell you what I’ve told other members in similar posts: take it slow, don’t rush, life is too important to do it poorly. Continue to explore, experience, experiment and discover. Eventually you will find something ‘worthy’ to dedicate your life to so don’t give up.

Lastly, I do not wish to spoil it all for you but I do believe that in your case this may help: you’re still at the beginning. It will continue to be tough but understand that it will all be for your own personal growth. When such difficulties happen, observe and examine them carefully in order to obtain an answer. Don’t feel that you need to immediately find an answer for them either. Also, do remember that not all answers will be correct. In fact, all answers will be subjective. In the end, there is only what’s right ‘for you’ though that, too, can mean a lot of thing. I’m sorry if this sounds confusing but eventually you’ll come to understand.

In the meantime, keep your head up. The first step is always to seek help, which you did. It means that in your heart you want to experience what life has to offer and I respect and admire you very much for that. Those that want to live life and fight for it always find a meaning. You’ll find yours, don’t worry!

Al

Matt said everything I want albeit 1000 times better. 🙂 Understanding that we are all raised in different environments helps garner compassion about one’s behavior. And, ultimately, compassion is all that you can give your father. Though not the figure you wished you had had growing up please continue to love him for the suffering that he has endured. One day, perhaps, with the influence from your compassionate actions you may trigger within him a change where he may want to atone for his past actions. However, even then do not hope for such a thing. Wish only for his well being always. This will help in bringing you the peace you need.

Regards,
Al

The best way to help anyone is to help yourself. Your behavior may trigger responses in others that may result in them taking action. In your case (and even everyone’s), continue on your path to self-peace and happiness and perhaps one day he may take witness of the beauty in you and want the same for himself; finally taking action. As far as how long this will take will be up to him. Just be ready to be there for him as best you can when he finally seeks help/support.

Best of luck to you.

Love is a grand thing. However, it’s not all there is to life. There are many other beautiful things to devote your life to. Go explore and find yourself a passion and on your journey I promise that the one you’re supposed to be with will eventually appear. Keep your head up!

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by Al.

Perhaps you should make a list of ‘What you’re looking for in a partner’ instead and see if any of her qualities appear. If not, then perhaps the indications may be clear. However, don’t take my word for it. I am an idiot when it comes to relationships. lol

As for breaking up, if you’ve fully decided to part ways, that is, then the longer you wait the more you will suffer. However, I would say that most importantly is not the ‘when’ but the ‘how’. I hope you will do your best to part in a loving way as to help ease her pain in the transition, if any. Good luck.

You have no idea who you are? Perfect! You have the chance to create a beautiful being! 😉

Hannah, ask yourself this: who truly knows themselves? 😉 It was a trick question. No one. No one will fully know themselves. Why? Because every new discovery leads to a new belief thereby leading to a constant self-altering state. Today, you may not enjoy strawberries with a firm belief that you never will but in your older (and even more beautiful) years you may come to learn to love them hence discovering something new about yourself proving that you never truly knew yourself afterall. 🙂

As for your anxieties and your fears, do not let them hold power over you. What’s there to fear when you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain? 😉 You’re unsure where to start which in my opinion is the best place to be. This only means that you can start from anywhere. How I envy you! 😉 A fresh beginning should be exciting. In fact, do add excitement to the task you will undertake for life is an adventure! But I’m deviating here. I will answer your question with what I tell others in other posts: You must go out and discover yourself. You did not come into this world knowing what you’re supposed to do. Not knowing where to start is always the first step. Now, you must explore, experiment, discover and experience in order to find a path worth dedicating your life to.

Understand that all make such a journey therefore find peace in your social anxieties. Knowing that we are all ‘traveling’ will bring you more comfort in interacting with others. Keep this in mind and you will find that your words will reach not only ears but hearts as well. Eventually you will be able to ‘connect’ with others instinctively and perhaps with surprising relative ease. 🙂

So keep your head up! Find the joy in the journey and believe that you’ll make it!

Al

You feel false, empty, distant, unable to relate to anyone or anything because you haven’t yet ‘created’ yourself yet. 😉 Like everyone, you’ve tried to ‘find’ yourself but how can anyone if they haven’t created themselves yet? My advice is one that I’ve posted numerously on these forums: explore, discover, experiment and experience. Do not fear any of it. Life is meant to be experienced, none of us know what we’re supposed to do in this life and aren’t meant to. We make meanings for ourselves through the experiences we encounter. If you’re unsure what it is you love, find interest in, are curious about, holds significance and such in your life then take that first step through the door.

Don’t rush. Never rush. When it comes to important things you take your time to do them right, correct? Isn’t your life one? 🙂 Remove any anxiety through the joy that you are able to wake up everyday with the power to create a life of your own worth living because not everyone is sadly allowed that. That’s not to say things will be easy but do retain that every ‘trying’ moments will be there to learn from. And, please, make yourself dwell on those moments especially. They will give you the experience necessary to overcome all similar future obstacles.

And before I forget, to help ease your longing for your ex, in your heart, simply earnestly wish for his well being. Thank him for the beautiful times, the wonderful memories and for showing you that great men do exist (thank goodness lol). I hope this will bring you peace.

Al

ps: remember that after a storm clears a rainbow always appears. 🙂