Forum Replies Created
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AuthorPosts
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AlParticipantWonderLast,
It is fully understandable to dwell upon those who have extracted some of our most dominant emotions. Such occurrences are rare and are vividly ingrained in our hearts and mind and become difficult to remove and forget. And yet, it is the exact opposite that we must do. We must embrace such emotions and learn what is it they have to teach us.
In your case, you shared a wonderful experience with a man. He brought you much joy, and difficulties (as is normal in all relationships), exposed you to new things and helped you further develop as a human being. For both of your efforts, despite its end, you were given many lessons from which you will both be able to use and make decisions which may help improve your lives. Because of these gains, we must assume a grateful attitude as should be when we are given things. Thank him for the experience and the lessons (internally) and wish him nothing but the best. This way, when/should you see him again, you will be able to smile at him with your heart and be at ease in speaking to him.
Namaste,
Al
AlParticipantTalia,
Please learn to accept that these stresses, issues, problems are a constant in our lives. They exist in order to teach us our lessons so that once learned, we may develop into even more beautiful beings. Also, learning to handle our attitudes towards these stresses may actually diminish them. We must also take care in making sure that issues are truly issues and not things that we conjured up because of our prejudices. For example, and this is but a small example, my sister washed the dishes but did not do a satisfactory job. While this may be absolutely true, it is possible that perhaps only I believe this. In her mind, it is possible that she believes she did a good job. Therefore, we must take great care in considering our issues.
Also, as you’ve stated, if some of these have options, hence answers, then it is important to perform their solutions. We will gain nothing but added stress if we do not perform what needs to be performed in order to eradicate chaos. However, performing these deeds will have gained us significant knowledge to help us deal with future similar problems and the tools to obtain harmony. Always do what you believe you can do by yourself. When you’ve done so and find that the rest will require the aid of another/others, please recall that ‘how’ you ask for help greatly matters. For example, instead of ranting off about how much you have to accomplish, remember that a simple ‘please’ will go a long way along with an ‘ahead Thank You’ added at the end of your sentence. You will find that asking kindly and politely has not diminished despite the environment you’re in.
You’ll Make It,
Al
AlParticipantStephanie,
I am sorry for the suffering you are enduring. Please recognize the strength within you for having made a brave and healthy decision. Such an act proves that you seek happiness and those who seek it always (eventually) attain it.
As for your lack of motivation, it is understandable for you were exposed to a prolonged period of negativity hence it is quite alright to feel drained and melancholic. Also, because of this, do not believe that you will be able to rebuild yourself in a short amount of time nor know what/how to accumulate a constant stream of positive thoughts for even those who did not share your experience must also take their time to achieve so. Therefore, please do not overly sulk for you are now in a better position now, no? Is this not something wonderful to feel about? You do not have someone exerting control over you now, correct? You will soon have an environment in which you can build a positive atmosphere/environment, yes? (Some) things are going your way, right? Already, I believe, you have a wonderful start.
So please, do your best in seeing the positives. Make this an exercise and be forgiving of yourself. You do not have all the answers hence you did not (fully) know what you were doing. This applies to all of us. The important thing to remember, however, is to recognize when we have made a mistake and whether we are willing to correct it and learn from it. Also, give yourself time to discover a hobby/passion. Falling in love with something will not only instill you with peace but will also help you discover/rediscover your love for life.
Handing You Some of My Love and Strength,
Al
ps: babysteps, my dear, will lead the way.
AlParticipantThank you for the mention Jasmine.
Luap,
To further emphasize upon Matt’s words, we must do our best to stay compassionate towards others despite their negative attitudes/actions towards us. If you take the care of observing that every individual suffers in their very own ways as you do you will find that we are all in the same situation. All of us are simply trying our best to live our lives the best we can by how we were taught through our numerous influences. And, as you well know, influences come in positives and negatives. Because we have two forces at work, it becomes difficult to categorize what is right and what is wrong; especially so in today’s global society. The pressures on us to ‘move’ and ‘get things done’ are so overwhelming that it gives us very little time to ourselves to muse upon the meaningful things.
Recognizing this underlying pain in others that exists and is identical in us allows us to develop a compassionate heart. This also helps us understand that the words and actions of others that hurt us are not deliberately intended. They are simply innocently ignorant. By also understanding that this applies to us also helps us adopt a forgiving attitude towards others and ourselves. This also applies to your parents.
So please, do not blame your parents. They did their best with what they were taught/learned. Also, holding anger will only garner chaos within you. Harmony requires that we learn to deal with all that is inside and outside of us. We will never obtain peace unless we remove the chaotic elements within us.
With Care,
Al
AlParticipantZandile,
Could you perhaps describe and identify when and how you came to develop fear and anxiety please? Doing so may help me in giving you a more fitting response.
Thank you
AlParticipantM,
Why do we do the things that we love? This is a trick question. *Wink* In any case, when we do the things we love I believe we naturally will excel at them. For example, a person who loves fitness will excel at maintaining motivation to be/stay fit, a person who loves to cook will excel at creating tasteful dishes, a person who loves to draw will excel at drawing, etc…. Hence, if you love your sport you will naturally, and eventually, come to excel at it because of the satisfaction it will instill within yourself.
Also, if you fear your teammates will resent you for not playing to their expectations then the fault, disappointment and shame lies with them. If they cannot show compassion and understanding towards another teammate who suffered an injury then I suppose it is best for you to find a new team.
Regards,
Al
AlParticipantCM,
I am sorry for all of the suffering you both have encountered.
We must, at all times, remain compassionate and forgiving towards each other for none of us are perfect and therefore cannot reason what Right and Wrong are unless we have the proper influences. The important things, however, are not the mistakes we make but whether or not we have learned from them. Also, it is to be understood that mistakes HAVE to be made to teach us our lessons. As someone once quoted ‘A life lived without mistakes is a life not lived at all.’ For example, if you had never touched a hot stove, how would you ever had known that it was hot and that you should not touch it? If you had never fallen and scraped your knee, how would you ever have known how to walk/run with care? If you had never said anything hurtful, how would you ever know that it wasn’t unless the person who received your words showed pain?
For the both of you, and perhaps especially her, the experiences she had were meant to happen for now she has come to learn what love and care really are and also to fully embrace them. As for you, do your best to embrace an appreciative attitude for her realization of her behavior and change to become a better individual. It is at these times that we must be most happy for one another for having overcome our faults. Also, it is the attitude you must have if you truly care for her for we must want the best for those we love, don’t you think so?
I hope this helps,
Al
AlParticipantAdam,
I am sorry for your suffering.
When we form expectations we must understand that we also create birth to disappointment when these expectations are not met hence why it is important to learn to go into things not with hope but simply with love and care. However, please know that all experiences suffer no true loss. In all cases, we all learn from everything that transpires and therefore gain something we did not know. We must also understand and adopt a forgiving attitude for ourselves exactly because of this. We are not meant to know everything nor ever will and therefore must be accepting of our mistakes. The truly important thing is whether or not we have learned from our experience(s) and if we decide to use these lessons to further develop ourselves.
As for your feelings for your ex, they are quite understandable. However, truly caring for another individual means to want the best for them. To feel as though she is obligated to you is a wrong way of thinking and also another expectation which, when failed, further imposed on your turbulent attitude. Changing your outlook for her situation to a positive one, learning from your failed relationship and applying its lessons to your being and keeping a compassionate heart+mind will help get you through this.
Peace to you,
Al
AlParticipantGiacomo,
I am sorry for the suffering you are enduring. Have hope in knowing that harmony can be achieved and chaos can be made into order. Also, I highly commend you for seeking help and advice to improve your being. Such action(s) always inspire me.
Your thoughts and feelings aren’t unwarranted. Our society does an excellent job at cultivating environments which promotes behavior that your co-workers display. However, we must understand that we (humans) are the ones who create such environments and therefore the power to eliminate these climates also lie within us. Sadly, because all events vary and because we cannot exert full control of our environments and outside actions, exact solutions do not exist. We may only ever try. This does not mean at all that success cannot be achieved. It means that we must delicately consider each and every situation and map out the best course of actions which we believe will create the most positive result. In your situation, and all situations for that matter, sometimes saying ‘no’ can be the best course of action. Do remember, however, that ‘how’ you say it is what’s truly important. For example, Boss/Co-worker: Giacomo, could you do x for me please?, You: I would love to help but I am very busy at the moment/may be busy for a while yet. Is there any anyone else who can possibly help you? However, if such tactics do not work, then perhaps something more dire may be necessary such as informing HR.
As for your intermittent motivation/inspiration, do not fret. Without having had the proper influences it is indeed difficult to categorize what should fit under ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’. We experience so much with all 5 of our senses that and so overwhelming so that we do not have the time to organize it all hence why it is so important to give ourselves peace of time to contemplate it all. In actuality, it is probably best to contemplate it piece by piece. And, doing so, we will slowly but surely grow. Also, it is important to know that retaining a positive outlook and attitude is, at first, a constant practice. Similarly to your physique, only through careful nutrition and (sometimes rigorous) physical activity will you maintain a healthy body. The mind is the same; you must care with it always with loving and compassionate thoughts in order for it to be healthy/positive/strong. It may also help to find a purpose/passion/goal. Sometimes, living for something with your entire being or living for something larger than yourself helps in fostering constant motivation/inspiration. If you have not found it, then do not be troubled. Passions/goals/purpose are things that should take time to find as we must find worth in their pursuit first. However, this can only be achieved through constant exposure hence why we must continue to explore, experience, experiment and discover. Similarly to your favorite foods, you must do the same with your life. You do not have to experience it all but having quite the array may help. I am sure that eventually you will find something that will resonate within you and give an aim.
Now, it is my turn to apologize for the long post. I hope this helps and please excuse any grammatical errors.
Wishing you the best,
Al
AlParticipantHayley,
I do not mean to assume but it seems you have heavily envisioned your future to be exactly the way you’ve portrayed it in your mind. Without understanding, and especially accepting, that this kind of (full) control is illusory it will indeed instill (some and more of) the consequences you are now suffering. In addition, when we do not have that comprehension, the stress and frustration can feel augmented, inducing an even greater pain upon us.
The Buddhist teachings of ‘The Middle Way’ may be of the greatest help to you. In your reply to the Ever-So-Wonderful-Matt, you mention dealing with life and death on a constant basis. The Middle Way will help you come to peace with what cannot, in your heart, transpire. This includes the relationship you are in and also your work. Also, adopting positive and understanding perspectives may also help. For example, feeling gratefulness that the man you are with is kind enough not to want to kick you out nor remove you from his phone plan despite your relationship returning to its negative train. That he, like you, may not be happy with his life in his own way and may be suffering the exact same way you are. That he, too, does not have all the answers and is unsure how to deal them and resorts to what he thinks is best. That while your job needs you to act a way you disagree with, that at least the animals are receiving some treatment instead of none. That while these animals you treat come in sick or are found mistreated, that they have now come into care of a beautiful individual who will ease their suffering (considering even euthanizing).
Also, Taoism (which shares many views with Buddhism) may help you find a ‘balance’. Understanding that everything must have opposites in order to have harmony may also help you deal with all of the aspects in your life. Where there is life there must also be death, where there is happiness there must also be sorrow, where there is despair there is also hope, where there is a left there is a right, a night and day, a hell and heaven, a Yin and Yang, a good and evil, an order and chaos, God and Lucifer, black and white, matter and antimatter, birth and destruction. And, in terms of what we’re made of, atoms, you can find the proton (positive) and electron (negative). In the middle you will find the neutron (neutral). Protons may only exist if the same of electrons exists. Also, only when there is harmony between the two may the neutron exist. In your life, too, must you find balance; to weigh all the good you know and you’ve experienced against their counterparts and do your best to live in the harmony in-between.
So please, be at some ease. We may not have the life we exactly desire however this does not mean that we should be miserable because of it. Our happiness does not consist and depend entirely on what we know but also on new and different exposures. You can still create a life satisfiable to you, you must simply see the beauty in everything.
Namaste,
Al
AlParticipantJasmine,
You humble me. I will do my best.
Sage,
Your feelings of fear and loss aren’t unwarranted. It is entirely comprehensible considering the wrong and unhealthy notions we are continuously fed with by our worldly society. So please, do yourself a favor and remove those thoughts from your mind. All they do is instill further chaos upon your heart.
Also, please understand that there is no ‘wrong’ choice. Every choice we make, whether right or wrong, offers a lesson. For example, similarly to when your developed your taste for certain foods, did you not first to try many a variety before settling on certain ones? Were there some you were fearful to try? Also, are you not still continuing to explore your taste buds as you grow? And, are there not any foods you did not like as a child that you now enjoy as an adult and vice versa? *Wink*
Hence, it’s possible that what you believe was the correct choice once is a wrong choice now and what was once a wrong choice once is a correct choice now. This proves that no choice is ever right or wrong; that they simply are. In any case, you must do the same with your life. You must continue to explore, experience, experiment and discover. And, if you retain the food analogy I gave you, you will find that life is quite entertaining to live despite the mistakes that we make and perhaps even possibly more so when we do.
I hope this will help and I hope this did not disappoint you Jasmine.
Wishing You All The Best,
Al
AlParticipantI must apologize. Perhaps I should have gathered my thoughts more properly before I posted a reply for dwelling on your matter further has revealed more, and perhaps more helpful, things for me to say.
I should have replied with the fact that I have experienced similarly with my mother. However, once I took into account all that she has encountered, experienced and suffered (to the best of my abilities) I found that the best way to help her was simply with love. It is possible that your mother may have been neglected with the essential elements to develop into a (more) positive being. Fortunately, these are things that can be taught, no matter what our age.
What has worked for me was so simple that I was quite upset at myself for not having thought of it a lot earlier. As I stated, I showered my mother with love. Around and with her, I made sure to initiate in positive conversations, to joke, to reveal some of my weaknesses, to assist her whenever I could (cooking, cleaning, etc…), to accompany her on errands, take her shopping all the while keeping a positive attitude. Thankfully, and normally, staying positive around someone you care for was easy. Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel appreciated in order to possibly find within themselves that they are a beautiful being and more. However, do understand that your mother, like mine, was ‘malnourished’ for a number of years and that it will take time before she senses a familiar warmth within her. Additionally, this display around her may help get you closer and has the chance to offer the opportunity for you to convey some of your feelings. I would advise to only share a little at a time, however. Slowly but surely is often times the best way.
Also, if this behavior is something you are not fully comfortable with (as can be the case for some people/families), then again, slowly but surely will lead the way. You do not have to exhibit all of these behaviors at once. Start with baby steps and implement it all over a long period. It will definitely help if you keep a loving heart towards your mother while doing these things, as should be the case. Doing so will definitely help. Effort will be required on your part. If this is important to you then you will not neglect it. After all, it is peace and happiness that we seek, no? And we all deserve it.
I hope this reply is of better help to you. If you need further assistance you can always count on this community.
Best of luck to you,
Al
AlParticipantjdkm,
I am deeply sorry for your suffering.
When we are stricken with grief it is difficult to be focused and think clearly. It is especially so when we exert our strongest of emotions during certain events. Being stripped of such imposing emotions can leave us lost and confused as we no longer know how to operate without them. And yet, all experiences are never truly a loss. In all of our circumstances, we must always recall the positive(s) we’ve gained from having been through such ordeals. In your case, do your best to see all that you were taught and how much this event helped you grow as an individual, that although you did not last, that you gained much needed knowledge and experience. Also, it may help to adopt a grateful view. For example, be thankful for having shared such a beautiful experience that few are able to attain despite it’s end. Be thankful for all the joys, smiles and laughs you were able to exhibit. And be thankful for having been able to share your entire being with another. However, it’s important to do so in a selfless way so as to not create more chaos within your heart.
As I have told other members in the Relationship Sub Forum who have experienced similarly, you must continue to care and wish nothing but the best for that person. Regardless of the fact that you have differences (as it should be), you should wish for that person to find happiness and bliss. Doing so will bring your heart ease and perhaps closure. Knowing that this person who once gave you joy and is beautiful in his very own way should be an aim you wish for with all your heart for. Wishing the opposite would only garner discord within you and possibly transform you into a person you may come to resent.
Peace in your heart will happen if you continue to amass a positive reflection and outlook and you will once again be able to smile with your heart. And if it helps, yes, I speak from experience. 😉
With Warmest of Regards,
Al
AlParticipantLapis,
I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing.
It is always sad losing loved ones. And yet, it is death that allows us to appreciate life all the more. I am sure your mother feels the same. Grieving is normal and it is fine to be in this state. However, do your best to adopt this view: that both your mother and your pet lived a long life, that they were able to experience many joys, that they were able to die of old age instead of prematurely and that they were finally able to move on to a place where there is no suffering. In fact, I am positive that this is how all of our loved ones feel. I am sure that if they could still connect with us that they would want us to be happy and to live our lives the best we can. So grieve while you must but please remember that your life continues on and that you should live for their memory and also yourself.
As for your loneliness, perhaps it is just me but I cannot believe that with 7 billion people on this planet that we cannot find at least one individual to share a friendship with. 🙂 People are there. The issue is having the courage, or the care, to simply open our mouths and initiate a conversation which may progress into something more. If you adopt the view that we are all human, that we are all one and the same with the same pain and suffering, then you will find that we all share a connection. In this sense, we can all relate and associate. Loneliness, like many other aspects of life, is due to our own accountability. Without our actions nothing will ever transpire. Hence, all of our ‘misdeeds’ can be accounted for our ‘inactions’. So please, do not despair over this for it can be overcome. All it takes is a bit of push on your part.
Wishing you the best,
Al
AlParticipantKayla,
You have my deepest apologies for the suffering you have experienced and are still experiencing.
As I have stated to other members who have posted similarly about their parents, it is important for us to stay compassionate to their cause. We all walk different paths and it’s possible that your mother may have walked an arduous one in her younger years resulting in her current self. Perhaps she may never have had a positive influence to help her in her personal ordeals. Or perhaps she’s been unable to develop positivity due to the ever increasing extremities of our society. The possibilities for her current behavior are nearly endless hence why we must stay understanding and loving for those who may not have been given proper guidance.
As for how to move on, you take the lessons you’ve learned from this experience and apply to your being. Without being overly direct, do your best to find what this experience has taught you and apply it to your life how you see fit. Also, while correct in your concern for your brother, it is also correct to want to put your own life back together. Sometimes, we are dealt with these dilemmas and we must simply do our best to assess the best course of action. Sadly, however, this does not guarantee a win/win outcome. All we can ever do is try. It may also help to understand that while we may be currently powerless that our predicaments may change in the future. With this acknowledgment, hope is never lost and we are always given other chances to rectify things.
Meanwhile, do not overstress. As the Dalai Lama once said, ‘Ff a problem has an answer then there is no need to worry, for it can be answered. If a problem has no answer, still there is no need to worry for there is nothing to be done and so we would be stressing needlessly’. If you come to view your situation through this quote, you will find a great truth which will grant you much needed ease. Simply continue your quest to further self improvement and happiness.
I am sorry if this was of little help but I am confident that my fellow colleagues will come to contribute.
Stay strong,
Al
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 