Dude,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Please find solace in knowing that there is not a single person who has not ‘fallen down the well’. Even the benevolent Dalai Lama partook in this endeavor he stated in one of his books. Some of us are fortunate and catch ourselves before we fall too deep while some of us aren’t as fortunate and fall so deep that we can no longer see the light when we gaze upwards. We try to climb back up only to end up despairing, our efforts seeming wasted, as the light at the top eludes us. Why continue to struggle when it seems so futile? Why exert so much energy to a cause so fruitless?

My friend, an alcoholic/smoker/drug addict of 40 years will not simply just quit and instantly succeed (for the most part). Their success/recovery may take 10 months or 10 years depending on the many factors. While this does not sound overly comforting, it does not change the fact that a victory remains a victory regarless of the time invested. You yourself have been ‘falling’ for the past 10 years therefore cannot expect a quick recovery. The amount of damage wrought upon ourselves plays a great role in determining the rate of our healing. And, while possible for you to manage your way back up in a short amount of time, please know and wholly accept that it may take (much) longer than you would like it to. Fully accepting your situation and understanding that there is only so much you can control will help garner some peace in your mind.

Lastly, I would like to address your issue on your loss of faith in humanity with my next suggestion. While I do not normally direct TB members towards religion I believe that it should be a course you highly consider due to your extreme case in the sense of the chemical and possibly hormonal damage wrought upon you by your acne treatment (though I am not a doctor hence please forgive me if you find this offensive and believe me to be wrong). To be more specific: Buddhism. The religion focuses on self peace and harmony by deeply examining the phenomena, or events, occuring in and around us and in the world (though this is but one small aspect of it). This is not to say that you should fully convert, however, due to your desperation perhaps you should at least look into it. The Noble Eightfold Paths, once understood and applied, especially Deep Understanding, may bring about the much needed peace your soul needs. Do take heed, however, in knowing that this is a slow road. The concepts of Buddhism, similar to other religions, can take time to fully grasp as the teachings can be difficult to read and understand. However, sticking with the simpler aspects will all the same yield in healthy results if practiced. I truly hope you will consider this.

While your mind is filled with chaos, please do your best to keep it positive. As I’m sure you’ve already heard: negativity begets negativity. How can one not turn evil when completely immersed by it? Likewise for the opposite. Doing positive things will nurture the heart, soul and mind in a wholesome manner. I hope this helps and please forgive me for any grammatical errors I may have made in long reply posts.

Namaste

Al

Georgev,

Your actions, behavior and mental processes, among others, are all understandable. How can a flower properly blossom without the right conditions? Likewise, how can we expect to mature into more spiritually and mentally wholesome beings without the proper care, teachings, influences, etc…? It’s no wonder so many of us have declined into more and such chaotic states as adults. And, sadly, for some of us, the damage has been so damaging and stacked so repeatedly that attempting to mend or just seeing that we need help is nearly impossible. So much chaos, confusion, unanswered questions, chemical imbalances have/are been wrought upon our beings that we/we’ve become petrified. How do we begin to make sense of things then? How do we know what to believe? What becomes right and what becomes wrong? What are the proper attitudes and behaviors? What actions should we take? What are we supposed to make of this life?

My friend, please be kinder to yourself. You are not meant to know it all. You are not meant to perfectly know how to handle every situation. You are not meant to know how to react accordingly to the unexpected. And especially so in your case. You’ve endured much in your childhood and adolescense. It is then normal for you to have triggers you believe are destructive hence do not berate yourself when they occur nor do not believe you must chastise yourself (mentally). These triggers have a reason for their existence. So how do we combat these triggers? We must find their root causes and dissect them. Unfortunately, to put it in your words, “easier said than done” for sometimes dissecting them yields nothing. We must not despair, however. The important thing we must remember is that we are seeking. To ‘seek’ is an action. A wholesome action. To do nothing, however, is the opposite. So long as we continue to seek we will continue to grow. With this said, even if you believe you are at a crossroad, you are not. Perhaps, even consider yourself ‘in early development’; that you are still molding yourself into your masterpiece. You’ve only just begun and are still an amateur. However, staying diligent will surely yield great (and surprising) results and eventually turn you into a master. And so, with this also said, again, please be kinder to yourself. As you read in my other post, answers to significant questions behest significant time, contemplation and searching therefore do not languish when answers do not immediately come. The pace of your journey is exactly as it should be. And, do not be too harsh on yourself when you believe you are wrong. A lesson will be taught either way hence you could say you are always winning. As for your troubles with accepting employment, try to see it as a new venture despite your beliefs and go forth. It is only by being exposed to new environments and experiences that we are able to gather the necessary informations that we need to help guide our lives and also in establishing our existence.

I hope I made sense and I hope this helps. Please do not hesitate to ask me for anything you find difficult to understand. Also please forgive me if I’ve made any grammatical errors as I am using my phone to reply.

Your friend,

Al

bpkhss,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Your desire for a soulful relationship is understandable. No other sensation may duplicate what it feels like to share and feel our entire beings in another. I hope you eventually find all that you seek.

As for your situation, have you ever thought of joining an online dating site? I have heard of numerous wonderful stories culminate from people who have chased this endeavor. Is this something you think is for you?

I’m sorry my words are so few but I hope it helps.

Al

Trevor,

My answer to your questions of our existence and the afterlife: who knows? Why strain so much on a matter that we will ALL come to eventually find out for ourselves. In the meantime, don’t you find it more captivating that you have been given one life, one opportunity before turning into stardust to be self aware, to experience the many dimensions (emotions, senses, etc..), to have been given a physical form and a consciousness to undergo the extraordinary and complex occurrence which is LIFE?

Sarah Jane,

Sometimes, when we encounter (prolonged) periods of extremities, we suffer so greatly that our minds, bodies and spirits strongly demands that we seek out solace and peace to regain our balance, our equilibrium. And sometimes, the insistence of the demand can morph into desperation thus further adding to our inner chaos and pushing us further away from bringing about order back into our lives. I’d like to say that in your case, you’ve suffered so immensely and continue to do so that it’s causing your search for tranquility to have manifested into such, or something similar. My dear, please be at some ease. While your head and heart may be brimming with chaos, the fact that you are seeking help means that you inherently wish happiness for yourself; a most wonderful notion! Please do take heed in recognizing this within you and draw strength from it.

As for getting there, please recall what I’ve mentioned: You’re suffering has been so grand that the damage may be of extreme extent. However, fret not, for all things can be mended; though it must be remembered that while ‘cure-alls’ do exist, they may not be found by everyone. It must be recalled that many small steps can have the same results as a few large leaps. The speed of the recovery is not what is of importance; ‘Progress’ is. While taking a plane to New York may get you there faster, taking the train will get you there eventually nonetheless. And, analogically speaking, each journey will share their shares of comforts and discomforts, likes and dislikes, pros and cons, etc…., for life is not perfect. Or, I should say, perfect as we would like it to be. And yet, should we allow the bumps in our lives to entirely ruin our view, our sentiments, our impressions and concepts of the beauty that can be? A climb is supposed to be difficult. However, it can equally be enjoyed. While the bumps that we each individually face vary, the fact that we all encounter them is the same. In this sense, you can say that ‘we’re all in this together’. None of us truly know what we are doing in life, none of us have all the answers and none of us ever will. These truths are how we can be understanding of one another, or forgiving, or compassionate or loving. Many of our actions are dictated by the unknown. Because of this, we cannot forsake one another for any and all actions we’ve performed. Especially the negative ones. Can you truly blame a rapist who was physically, sexually and mentally abused by a parent? Or both? And can you blame the parents for having negligent parents of their own? I understand that these are extreme examples but I solely used them so you could get my gist.

My friend, numerous small efforts and maintaining them goes a long way. We are each built differently. Some of us are capable of performing grand acts to change our mentalities and spirits for the better. However, some of us are only capable of the smaller ones. But, again, there is no shame or embarrassment in this. The destination will be reached nonetheless and we will arrive there exactly when we are meant to. Hence, there is no sense in forcing things that are (fully) uncontrollable. Simply grasping that we have one short existence, one shot and one opportunity to walk this earth and making it a memorable and meaningful one before becoming stardust should give us all the fortitude we need to give it all we’ve got. Don’t you think?

I hope this helps and please accept my apology for any grammatical errors I tend to make in long reply post.

Namaste

Al

@lindseyt86,

I apologize for the delayed response.

You say you have been battling depression since you were a child, it is then quite normal for depression to have such a strong hold of you and altering your moods so suddenly. In a sense, it has become an ’emotional habit’. Perhaps, there are some unknown triggers at play which provokes your changes.

It is my belief that life deals in dualities. This simply means that there is an opposite to everything and both are dependent on the other in order to exist. For example, if ‘up’ did not exist, there could never be a ‘down’. If there were no ‘hot’ then there would be no ‘cold’. I’m sure you get my drift. In your case, there are certain triggers which cause you to regress into your depression. It is then my belief that you must create opposite triggers which will bring about positivity, or happiness. In fact, such is the case for even those who do not suffer from depression. Happiness, for the most part, is something that is constantly worked on in order to be maintained. Those of us who are not fortunate to simply ‘be’ or ‘inhibit’ this state on a constant or near-constant basis must work diligently to do so. We create, we develop beliefs and ideologies according to the experiences we encounter and suffer which gives us the strength and understandings to tackle all that is of difficulty in our lives. For example, you possess morals which will not allow you to take another’s life. The same must be done with your depression. You must seek for a purpose or purposes with which to combat your depression and its episodes. However, do not feel disheartened if you do not instantly find any. Purpose should not be something easily found. If it were, I’m sure this world would be a better place. However, purpose should be as it implies: purposeful; and such grandeur should not be decided upon without time and proper care. Our lives are important and we should take the time to nurture ourselves properly. Also, do not feel as if you must rush. What is of true importance is your understanding of the happenings both inside and outside of you. In a math problem, how can we arrive to and derive an answer if we do not understand the equation, right? Rushing will not help us. It is understanding that will.

Lastly, in my brother Matt’s words: be kind to yourself. Life is tough enough on us as it is. We do not have all the answers nor ever will. But, perhaps this is a good thing. I would find it too boring if I knew it all. What discoveries would I relish in then? Sometimes, especially for me, the journeying is what’s truly wonderful (even the difficult parts). As for your mother, it is understanding to seek support from a parent. However, we must remember that we are all beings who suffer in our own ways. It is possible that your mother has her issues to deal which builds frustration hence the arguing. Perhaps, recognizing that you both share a suffering, a similar experience, may help you feel compassion for her and walk hand in hand beside her on your journeys instead of you ahead or vice versa. Also, recognizing that each and every single one of us suffer similarly or exactly as you may help. The fact that we all share an identical suffering, and identical bond, proves that we are all connected despite the commonality being on somber grounds. With this sense, we can say that ‘we’re all in this together’. And, personally, I find it too sad that we should share an existence where we live our lives in an ever-mournful state, or near-like.

In conclusion, find a purpose strong enough to repel and fight off your depression. Take your time in finding one and acknowledge any progress you make. Nurture yourself positively and see us all (humanity and this world) as a whole. I hope adopting this view will give you a much needed boost. Should you need any more help this community will always be here. Also, please excuse any grammatical mistakes I often tend to make in long posts. I hope this helps.

Al

@lindseyt86,

Please let us know what the grounds for your depression is. How did you come to obtain it? What is it that makes you sad? Perhaps a small description of your life to this point may help us help you.