Jeanne,

I am sorry for the suffering you experienced.

Despite the unfortunate negativity your colleague shared with you I am glad you did not simply post with words and emotions in reciprocation of her behavior. For this, you are indeed a truly beautiful being. And, this is where you must trust in the beliefs that govern your good-hearted nature. Do not fall into sadness, confusion nor distress. Instead, use your heart to look passed your colleague’s own suffering. When you do, you’ll see that there are things hidden that could explain her general, or current/temporary, attitude and behavior. A traumatic past could be the cause, or a betrayal by someone she loved, a series of hardships may have plagued her as of late or perhaps it could be due to a toxic upbringing. The scenarios are endless. My point is, we all journey this life encountering unique experiences that shape our being. And, as is normal and intended, not all of these experiences can be good ones. We must encounter the difficult ones to help us learn and grow. Sadly, some of us experience these type more than their counterpart. In addition, some of us may never have been taught or have the capacity to learn how to manage the difficult ones. This can result in a lifetime of suffering and/or negativity. It’s fair to state this could be the case for many of us, including your co-worker.

With this knowledge, it becomes apparent that we should embody a compassionate nature. In this existence, we will all experience the same things; like love, hurt, joy and sadness, awe, anger, beauty, exhilaration and all of the others we’re able to feel and express. We are all beautiful beings, beautiful humans that sometimes are not immediately able to foster a positive mindset. For her, wish only for the day she obtains her nirvana. Do not look at her with hurt, anger (if you exhibit any), or any other chaotic elements. They will not benefit you. Look, speak, think, interact with her only with love. It may be quite a task, yes, however, looking at it in terms of ‘this-occurred-so-I-may-practice-compassion’ may help. In fact, this may the reason why this predicament happened. But, don’t you agree that overcoming this hurdle will benefit your being?

My friend, don’t allow one bad experience ruin all that you’ve achieved and become. Else, what is the point of it all? When you cook and use a little too much of one ingredient, you do not throw the entire thing away. You find ways to mend it, right? It’s the same concept here. Mend your situation, and all situations in fact, with all the love that exists within your being and you will always exhibit constant joy and peace.

Al

PS: please forgive any grammatical errors.

phightphear,

I am sorry for your suffering.

It is indeed sorrowful to experience events which fracture our trust and faith in one another; in humanity. These gestures are certainly hard to absorb. However, find solace and satisfaction in knowing that you did not take part in reciprocating these chaotic acts. This conveys that you have a good heart and innately wish for the happiness and well being of everyone, and even to those whom cause you harm. Please recognize this beautiful trait within yourself.

My friend, self-peace and happiness are things that must constantly be worked on. However, they become easier to instinctively and earnestly exhibit by understanding certain truths. Recognizing that we all suffer similarly helps bring about a sense of ‘togetherness’. Also, perceiving that we are all uniquely mentally conditioned from birth helps us accept eachothers’ faults in a non-personal way. In your case, many coworkers have used and stepped over you, however, by recalling that these individuals are only doing what society (and/or other factors) have conditioned them to do will assist in maintaining your peace of mind. Sometimes, the vigorous pace of society can make us forget the meaningful and make us abandon our humanity. During such times, tap into your (once more) innately well-wishing heart and reground yourself. Continuously reinforce your life-affirming beliefs that this existence is worth living so that all difficult events can be dealt with more efficiently. This should also assist in reclaiming your happiness. Now knowing that we all suffer, obtain the yearning to want all beings to be free of it so we may all share a blissful existence. Maintaining a sincere desire to want good for all will produce all the necessary positive mental and physical actions to circumstantiate your happiness.

I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.

Al

Arran,

I am sorry for your suffering.

It is a delight that you wish happiness upon your being so that your family may also encompass it. To perceive that our suffering affects others is a grand recognition. To want to take action for not only the well being of others but also ourselves is also correct. How are we to help eachother if our own beings are troubled? This, along with the recognition and admittance of the other characteristics you listed, are already substantial steps in assisting you on your journey to acquire happiness; or self-love. To apprehend that which obstructs us is something many fail to grasp, resulting in prolonged chaotic existence. Hence, please try to find some relief in this.

My friend, indeed traits that have been bored and ingrained in us overtime are understandably difficult to harmonize. However, instead of displaying frustration at this, we should be more sympathetic and gentle towards ourselves. We are not supposed to deftly handle all that enters our lives. A chain smoker should not be expected to just simply quit (for the most part). He must take baby steps. Don’t you believe this also applies to you? In this endeavor, and other difficult ones, we must only think progress; never speed. I hope you will use this to help calm the perfectionist attribute rooted in you. Also, reiterating our life-affirming beliefs can also help. Recalling why our existence, this existence, is worth living and experiencing can inspire action and/or change. If none have been made or are to be found, then another journey is simply in order. However, this should not be taken as somber news. With the correct mindset, we can make this endeavor fun; similar to a child in a candy store. Sure, we are guaranteed to experience bad flavors, but, we are also guaranteed to have delicious ones. Is it possible we may find a flavor so gratifying, so worth our exhausting search, that it makes us not want to give up on candy? In this vast and expansive world that we live in, do you believe you will never find the ‘candy’ that will bring you your true joy?

I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.

Al

Melissa,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Consider that all human beings begin life as amateur chefs. Hence, naturally, until we become well-seasoned, until we’ve tasted an adequate amount of flavors to distinguish those ingredients necessary to make our lives tasteful, we are certainly and undoubtedly going to initially struggle.

Indeed the experience you had was an unfortunate and somber one. However, you now know that this is one flavor that will not make it to your full course. On our journeys, we are all going to encounter our shares of distasteful things but we must recognize and wholly understand that it is these exact events which aid us in distinguishing the good flavors from the bad. Dwelling on the past is not incorrect, however, only if done so proactively to the benefit of our futures. No master (at their craft) dwell on past unfortunate events to hinder their advancement. Your life is too important to do such. In this one existence, don’t you believe you possess the right(s) to fully pursue your own definition of beautiful despite the adversities? As for your ex, please do your best to keep a compassionate heart and forgive him. He, too, is working on his own full course and making the necessary mistakes required to create his own masterpiece. It is indeed sad that other beings must be hurt for him to reach his goals however please recall that we are all raised in our own unique environments which may not always obtain all of the necessary elements to conceive compassionate and considerate human beings. The fault, therefore, cannot be fully blamed on him. Find closure in thanking him for the necessary lessons you’ve learned and wish for his well being for not just his but also your sake. Condoning him for his actions will only yield in added chaos to your already troubled soul. Instead, exercise the beautiful being you are and that your parents helped culture and pray for his well being.

My friend, there are many flavors and flavor combinations you’ve yet to taste. Find and release your desire to taste them all to burst so at the end you may be at peace and satisfied with the full course you’ve created.

I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.

Al

@georgev,

How have you been? Thank you very much for having been patient with me. And please do not worry, I do not feel in any way forced to have to answer you or any other. Assisting other fellow human beings is one of my purposes. It is a privilege.

George, essentially we all suffer in one form or another and in different extremities. This is a truth. ‘Existence’ requires opposites for all things, physical and non-physical, in order to be. Therefore, to experience life one must understand that they cannot simply hope to encounter only the good but also the bad. Perhaps the best way to describe this is by explaining the concept of yin and yang from Taoism. Simply put, opposite forces exist to oppose and thereby balance one another to complete wholeness and equilibrium. Man cannot exist without woman, there cannot be shadows without light, up cannot exist withoug down, there cannot be good without evil, etc… No one and nothing is exempt from this law. This includes humanity. Chaos is meant to exist as it has purpose and will continue to exist so we may recognize when something is positive and the positive will continue to exist so we may distinguish it from chaos. Could you determine if something was good if we did not recognize evil? Could you even determine what evil is if good did not exist?

My friend, if negativity is established as an existential constant, do you believe taking your life would remove it? For, even the Dalai Lama has acknowledged that a peaceful world does not mean that evil no longer resides but that world peace is considered a success if the majority of the world displays it. How much injustice would there have to be removed in order for you to be satisfied? In order for you to not consider taking your life? If, however, this still does nothing to quell your heart, please dwell on this: during a conversation between the Dalai Lama and Queen Elizabeth of England, His Holiness asked the Queen if she could believed the state of this world had become better. She answered ‘yes’ without hesitation. In their 80+ years on this earth, they have witness numerous countries putting in more effort in working together politically and economically, sending each other relief during natural disasters, creating peace treaties and alliances, countries providing and establishing equality to all peoples of this world, witnessing wider acceptance of intercultural relationships and the development of inter religious churches, among others. Dear George, if you open your eyes and heart further you will come to see that the majority of this world is not engulfed in chaos but brimming with people preaching compassion and coexistence. You merely only see and hear the negatives because unfortunately mainstream media does a great job in exploiting these sort of news for their financial gains (for the most part). However, if you were to seek independent news outlets, you will hear, see and read the stories that are barely exposed like the non profit organization in India that rescues injured animals and find families to adopt them or the international group that fights to eliminate the practices of performing animals like bears, horses, monkeys and elephants in third world countries or the Hollywood CEO who gave up his position and fortune to build schools and orphanages in Cambodia or the Chinese citizens fighting to establish dialogue with their own government to give Tibetans back their country or the African teenager whose village was so desolate he taught himself to build a windmill to create electricity for his village to use. These positive stories, like their negative counterparts, are also everywhere. Just more difficult to find.

George, taking your life as an act of revenge to all the injustices of this world will not yield in your desired results. Already there have been many such as yourself in various countries sacrificing themselves, leaving notes and videos explaining their reasons, and yet, what has transpired from it? Instead, if you continue to live and share your beautiful and passionate heart with others, especially to the next generations, don’t you believe you would create a much more positive long-term impact then? If all the good hearted people like yourself took their lives after witnessing the handful of chaotic elements in this world, who would be left to teach all that is good and beautiful?

Dear friend, I hope this answers many of your questions. I will not disagree that for some life can be an ugly and cruel experience, however, my own experiences compel me to aid/show these uncertain individuals that this existence can and does contain redeeming qualities. It is, as it has always been, in the end, our choice.

As usual, I apologize for any grammatical mistakes. Because of my wrist injury, I am using voice commands to write this. If something should not make sense please do not hesitate to mention it so I may clarify the matter.

Al

@georgev,

Life, the universe, our existence, is dynamic. Nothing ever stays the same. Change is a constant. This applies to our identities and personalities. A person may be sure and believe themselves to be confident and positive in their moral beliefs, however, an event may occur and abruptly alter their creeds. This is true at all levels of our lives. Today we may hate broccoli but 10 years from now that may change, today we may be gentle in speech and manner but 30 years may change that, today I may hate my religion but next month my mind may have been opened to embrace it, etc…Our beings are constantly being tweaked accordingly as personal growth is a never-ending endeavor. By understanding and accepting this, we do ourselves a great favor as change can now be embraced and difficult predicaments can now be better managed.

When a new and uncomfortable event occurs in our lives, one can definitely curse and yell and stress at this unfamiliar experience or one can try to keep calm and dwell on how this event occurred as to prevent it in the future (or lessen its impact as adversity is also a constant) and learn its lesson(s) to benefit our inner development. While true that the scale of the event influences our disposition, don’t you believe that understanding and making sense of the situation more valuable than disapproving it for our mental and spiritual beings? In fact, implementing this reflective method, also known as Right View/Understanding from the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism, helps assert peace in our mind as we come to understand the phenomena/events constantly occurring around us. You believe your identity to have been shattered, however, it’s highly possible it simply needs readjusting. If so, then simply go forth once again and reestablish your new likes and dislikes, your ‘funs’ and ‘boredoms’, your delights and discontents. Elate all beautiful events and experiences with the spirit of an infant and immerse yourself in their wonderment. For, do you sincerely believe you no longer have these rights? To feel bliss and thrill, among others? When I began in these forums I used to tell members whom shared similar hardship to yours that moving forward did not mean to stay in a stagnant, comfortable state awaiting answers but to continue exploring, experimenting, experiencing and discovering to increase the chances of a possible stimulating development to occur and render imperative metamorphosis. In fact, do try to view yourself as such: a butterfly constantly metamorphosing from one beautiful design to another. You’ve currently simply obtained a flat tire. But your engine isn’t dead. It still breathes, in fact, and presently running on a spare, awaiting to be refitted with a new one.

As for coming to terms with your past and having mixed feelings about your parents, it is simply a matter of deep understanding. We were all young once, inexperienced, possibly brash and/or foolish, etc….including our parents. Some of us may never have had the proper guidance and influences to render us into ‘wholesome’ beings. Can a person be blamed for sexually abusing their offspring when they themselves have been subject to it? Can a gangster be blamed for killing another gangster when all he/she has known is this hostile environment? Can a North Korean citizen be blamed for hating America when they’ve been exposed to anti-American propaganda all their lives? It is the same with your parents, especially your father. Perhaps he did have a father who tried to teach him right, perhaps his father did not do enough, perhaps his father was an alcoholic, perhaps his father wasn’t around enough, etc..the scenarios are limitless. The point is, we must try to remain understanding to his situation. As you well know, the world, global society, does not do the greatest of jobs in cultivating spiritual and mental development in our most critical and receptive years. Hence, he cannot be blamed. In fact, no one can be blamed. We are all on this earth living our existence in accordance to our many influences. In this truth we therefore all remain entirely innocent. On this earth there exists no being who knows it all and is thus allowed to pass truly accurate judgment. Your parents, yourself and I along with the rest of the TB members will forever remain children of life; constantly learning and (hopefully) changing into better beings.

There is definitely more I would like to add, however, my injury is beginning to aggravate me and I do not want to be distracted when helping a fellow human being. Perhaps I will touch more once you reply. And, per usual, I apologize in advance if I’ve made any grammatical mistakes. If something seems confusing, please be sure to let me know so I may clarify/correct myself. I hope this helps.

Al

Hello George,

I can remember replying to one of your posts once. If you don’t mind could you once more share and emphasize the main source of your suffering? It would help me to attempt a more specific answer. Thank you.

Al