Hi Anna,
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether expectations are useful or not recently myself. In some ways I think the thing about expectations are that you are attached to the outcome. If the outcome is what you expect then you are satisfied but not joyful, the hole you have created is filled. If the outcome is bad then that hole remains.

With aspirations you are not attached to the outcome. Your standards are still set highand you aim to do well but if success does not occur then you do not mentally beat yourself or others up about it. You dust yourself off and try again. I think possibly aspiration is more in line with hope. I also see that with hope there is an element of trust, as in the definition you gave whereby you have trust that things will work out. I guess a key point here is whether you put that trust in external factors or put the trust in yourself amd empower yourself to take action to make it happen.

Just some thoughts. I’d be keen to hear what others think as I am trying to work out whether expectations are positive or negative things to have myself.

Simon

Hi Alby,
You say you love each other but are not in love with each other. Can you give your love to him or are you in love with the idea of being in love? Do you love yourself? Can you accept you as you are? Are you comfortable just being? Or do you feel you should be different or need to become someone better?
When we first meet someone things can seem great at the beginning but then the cracks start to show. It is easy to find ourselves wanting to believe that the other person completes us, that they meet all the needs that we had before we met them and initially you can be on a high as those needs appear to be fulfilled. But as the reality starts to dawn we can begin to feel empty again and it is easy to blame the other for not meeting our own needs. Is that fair?
I truly believe that you both have a lot of love to give, but how can you have the energy to love another if you can’t yet love yourself, accept yourself and accept that all your ‘baggage’ is in the past but does not define who you are in this moment. When you are able to be fully in the present you can be comfortable just being rather than feeling you need to assume an identity you have put upon yourself ( a good side or a bad side or a role) as a result of the expectations you have formed about yourself and others from pressures of society, other people and past events.
I am coming out of a divorce and am finally beginning to accept myself and feel comfortable to just be rather than feeling I need to be something or someone or with someone in order to feel complete. I have found mindfulness and therapy have really helped. When you start to have love for yourself you realise that when people seem to attack or defend it is because they feel vulnerable and they need to be able to love themselves. When you can finally accept you as you are then you can really start to accept others for who they are (if their opinions are different that’s ok, it doesn’t stop your opinions also being valid), and truly let your love flow from within.
It takes time and it is important not to force things but if you focus on healing yourself you will be able to help others heal themselves. You are already both perfect as you are, you just don’t believe it yet.