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silvery blueParticipantMaybe I can start…?
I’m not in the easiest situation. We have a functioning alcoholic and a schizophrenic in our family. They are an on and off couple. They have two boys. I am their aunt.
You can probably imagine that these people aren’t always the easiest to get along with. Too much damage took place. Physical and emotional. I understand. I really do have a lot compassion for both of them even though sometimes the pain is no longer bearable for me…
On the one hand, I don’t want to isolate myself from them. They are my family, but on the other hand, the depth of the problems is so great that sometimes I don’t have much strength left… and I just cry.
It’s like watching a tragedy and not being able to do anything.
I feel guilty for being happy and they are not.
The truth is, in a situation like that, you can’t be heard… because they don’t have the capacity to do so. They’re sick. I have to give up a lot and it just hurts… it is very hard for me to find some stability, solidity in me to cope with this. Let alone when the situation gets heated and I am in a conflict with the first one, the alcoholic… who used to be agressive and would lash out at me when I begged him to tell me what is happening and how I could help.
If something happens, something bad, I will never forgive myself.
Well, so this is, for example, my story from my real life. A conflict… a looong inner conflict… in which it’s hard to find compassion, respect, stability… because it’s so dark…
silvery blueParticipantEvFran, I will discuss privately my subjective feelings about the conflict and my concerns for which there is no more power here. People are too tired. And as you said… two people could come to a satisfying agreement. The problem is that it doesn’t include only two people. But it is enough for now. 🙏
But I am here for Brandy or others: silvery8blue@gmail.com
And of course, you can comment on these points. I would like to hear your ideas:
– how tactfully articulate our needs and boundaries without feeling like we are hurting others or ourselves
– how to learn how to remain compassionate and considerate when we feel hurt
– when we feel hurt, ignored, how properly work with these feelings (maybe tips, sources, …?)
– healthy boundaries which don’t isolate us from others (maybe try to formulate some of them?)
– any specific examples from your real lives, if you are willing to share them and want to discuss them and find some support🦋
silvery blueParticipantYes, I and Brandy expressed our concerns just a few posts back.
But I will go through it with someone who is willing to listen to me on email. ❤️ 😊
I would love to focus on interesting points which were made in the thread earlier from this point on, for example:
– how tactfully articulate our needs and boundaries without feeling like we are hurting others or ourselves
– how to learn how to remain compassionate and considerate when we feel hurt
– when we feel hurt, ignored, how properly work with these feelings (maybe tips, sources, …?)
– healthy boundaries which don’t isolate us from others (maybe try to formulate some of them?)
– any specific examples from your real lives, if you are willing to share them and want to discuss them and find some supportAnd if you have a source, please can you share Thich Nat Han’s guidelines May I have integrity in all my relationships & May I keep my judgement clear?
❤️
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silvery blueParticipantI am reading some buddhist texts. I hope I will find some useful advice and inspiration to share here.
If you are interested, there is a video on youtube “Protect Yourself And You will protect others…” by Buddhism in English. I am thinking about it a lot now. 😊
silvery blueParticipantI don’t feel comfortable that very important points and concerns of others have been totally ignored here. But what can I do?
Please, at least don’t make this thread a chat between only two members, because it is not the purpose of this thread. ❤️
Please, understand it. 🙏
I am here for anyone who needs to discuss something about conflicts. I am open to discuss anything with you and hear you out with support and peace. ❤️
silvery blueParticipantI live in an area that was once inhabited by Celts. People still keep this tradition today and during the summer you often meet enthusiasts dressed in typical Celtic clothing with weapons or musical instruments from that time. There is also a big Celtic festival in the summer, full of food, drink, traditions and music.
There are many places, for example a reconstructed Celtic town, but also a few “magical” places in nature… There is a place where people believe that the Druids performed blood sacrifices. It is an open place in nature, but when you walk through it, you feel sadness, pain, … Really, even people who are not very sensitive say about this place that there is great sadness “in the air”… It isn’t even recommended to visit this place alone!
I have my own personal place in the woods… There is a small moraine, a small hill from ancient stones and a little stream surrounded by very old trees. The place is very dark, damp and cold, but it radiates something beautiful… innocence, goodness, peace… when I rest there I always feel that I am in touch with my ancient ancestors, maybe not even humans… and it gives me a very special energy, very deep and peaceful feelings. ❤️
I’m going to visit it this weekend again. 😊
silvery blueParticipantRoberta,
thank you for sharing your beautiful days.
Thanks to you, I always realize how important it is to surround myself with kind and wise people. 🤗
May I ask – have you been a Buddhist nun?
Sending ☀️
🦋
silvery blueParticipantAlessa,
the oldie song reminded me of my favourite one from Sinatra – That’s Life:
That’s life!
That’s what all the people say
You’re riding high in April, shot down in May
But I know I’m gonna change that tune
When I’m back on top, back on top in June
🤸
I said that’s life!
And as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stomping on a dream
But I don’t let it, let it get me down
‘Cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin’ around
🌍
I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet
A pawn and a king
I’ve been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing
Each time I find myself
Flat on my face
I pick myself up and get
Back in the race
💪
That’s life!
I tell you, I can’t deny it
I thought of quitting, baby
But my heart just ain’t gonna buy it
And if I didn’t think it was worth one single try
I’d jump right on a big bird and then I’d fly
🪁
I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet
A pawn and a king
I’ve been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing
Each time I find myself layin’
Flat on my face
I just pick myself up and get
Back in the race
😎
That’s life!
That’s life and I can’t deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out, but my heart won’t buy it
But if there’s nothing shaking, come this here July
I’m gonna roll myself up
In a big ball and die
😂It always makes my day. Or definitely:
Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry
Be happy
❤️
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry
Be happy, don’t worry, be happy now
❤️
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
❤️
Ain’t got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don’t worry
Be happy
❤️
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
But don’t worry
Be happy, look at me, I’m happy
❤️
Don’t worry, be happy (Hey, I’ll give you my phone number, when you worry, call me, I’ll make you happy)
Don’t worry, be happy
❤️
Ain’t got no cash, ain’t got no style
Ain’t got no gal to make you smile
But don’t worry
Be happy
❤️
‘Cause when you worry, your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don’t worry
Be happy, don’t worry, be happy now
❤️
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
❤️
Now there is the song I wrote
I hope you learned it note for note, like good little children
Don’t worry
Be happy
❤️
Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some trouble
But when you worry, you make it double
But don’t worry
Be happy, be happy now
❤️
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy
❤️
Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don’t bring everybody down like this
Don’t worry, it will soon pass, whatever it is
Don’t worry, be happy
I’m not worried
I’m happy❤️ 😊 ❤️
silvery blueParticipant❤️ 🫂 😙
silvery blueParticipant🙏🫂❤️😊
silvery blueParticipantYes, sometimes letting people go with respect and grace is just right… and just enough. ❤️
For me, holding people and their pain in my heart with compassion and love is important. No bad feelings… but sometimes it is just safer to do it from distance. Right?
I am really sorry that I may be seen now as someone without compassion and understandning, because I have been pretty straightforward here. I am learning to find balance in healthy assertiveness. I want everyone to be fairly heard here. And I want everyone, if they are ready and open, to self-reflect. I believe this way, we really can make the best of this thread…
It is a hard conflict. It is! But it can bear fruit, as well. 😊
🦋
silvery blueParticipantAlessa,
and what about your friend, the man with C-PTSD? How is he doing today? And are you still friends? Or in the end, the reason had a bigger word in this situation and you had to leave for your own well-being? And if so, what did you do with the ’empty space’ in the heart?
🦋
silvery blueParticipantHello Alessa,
but if heart and reason conflict, how can you tell which one is right and follow it?
❤️
🦋
silvery blueParticipantAnita,
you are not being abused by Brandy. You are confronted with your behavioural patterns, which make people around you hurt.
With all respect.
🙏
🦋
silvery blueParticipantHello Brandy,
I really do hear you. Thank you for being brave and expressing your deep concerns. I’m not going to lie that I feel very similar, and it is only deepen by time as my concerns are ignored here.
I don’t want you to feel being ignored or silenced. ❤️
I am not in my best… I am still thinking how to deal with the loneliness when we are not heard. I am trying to read some buddhist texts to get grounded again.
What do you usually do when you feel upset in conflicts?
🌼
Roberta,
thank you for your wisdom. I believe you can see that this is not easy. I wonder… how to follow Right Speech in difficult conflicts when we feel that we haven’t been heard… or how to cope with the feelings that we are overlooked in conflicts?
Do you have any wisdom to share?
🪷
To everyone:
It is very hard to remain calm, grounded and compassionate when we feel in danger, isn’t it?
Try to think about this: Defending isn’t understanding.
It is, however, difficult. I know… and I myself am stil processing a lot. I don’t want to be active much now, as I might fail the Right Speech again. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I am aware that we all must take responsibility for being more resilient in conflicts. Otherwise, we will keep hurting… again and again…
🦋
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