Hi Konfused30 ,

I thought I was reading a post of my own then ! I totally understand where you are coming from –
you are indeed depressed and dissatisfied but that’s ok as from this dissatisfaction and negative thoughts you are recognising your unhappiness and therefore you can bring changes to your life , you are in fact at a turning point to make new changes and from these changes your own happiness will come and you will embrace life again and people .
I can imagine that your cooperative job and the people around you there must be spiritually lacking so meanwhile ( and this helps me ) watch and listen to Buddhism links and nurture yourself with wisdom and if I was you have a goal now to save some money and go travelling , it sounds like you need to take a break to nurture yourself with new experiences and a even a change of scenery will help , I am lucky in the fact that I have my own flat and rent it out and have travelled a lot and alone over the years , the longest i travelled around was the middle east on my own for 8 weeks and there is always plenty to do with exploring new places and you are ” forced ” to talk to people whether it is in your accommodation or finding places but that’s great as you are pushing your boundaries , I would indeed push everything to one side , save some money and go even if it is for a short time just to test the water to see if you like it – even that achievement I’m sure would make you feel better and travelling gives you ideas and inspiration and time to think about what comes next as you are in a fresh environment.
I live in central London and work from home and same as you my friends work or are in relationships and I do get very lonely and very dazed with depressed days , I’m so low ! but I have come to terms with that we are all alone at the end of the day and to embrace it and enjoy being alone and with yourself is fine , it doesn’t mean you are a bad person , i’m sure the problem with our society especially the Tv we are shown so much freedom and glamour and people happy and in perfect situations which only highlights our dissatisfaction more but yes life can be very boring at times and not high glamour that we see on Tv – magazines etc… but that’s ok – I have been miserable here for a long time and deeply depressed and have been waiting for an answer or calling and I think to myself ” what makes me really happy ” and then I try and follow that through ,I realised the depression and unhappiness was just a calling for new changes so don’t be to alarmed ! so I am indeed slowly selling everything and going to live in Asia for a while – so yes no books I would set a goal , save some money and go travelling and don’t let your insecurities talk you out of it – life is to short so just go for it , take a break ! push your boundaries , get out of your comfort zone and you will indeed be pleasantly surprised !