Thanks a lot, your answers gave me some new insights and I appreciate that.

All the best.

Thanks a lot for your reply and for reading my post Peter. I used the term “player” for lack of a better term but I never saw myself as a player. I was always honest in my connections and never lied to a woman, I was always open about having multiple partners at the time. It sure did teach me a lot to go on that journey.

where the experiences of a crush a experience of love?

Great question, I guess I didn’t use these words consciously. When I think about it, a crush for me was a type of obsessive attachment which was not usually not mutual, while love is the act of loving? The experience of crush didn’t go that deep, it was always a type of need for validation, wanting to get it back from that person which I want to be validated by. The love however was mutual in my relationship before things went south. We broke up a few days ago by the way. She said she loved me but she wasn’t in love anymore.

What would loving your self look like?  How would you know when you got their? If you did Love your self how would that influence your relating to others? What is the connection?

I guess loving myself would be caring about myself enough to leave when the relationship got abusive. But I just stood there taking it, sometimes not even saying anything because of some fear that she might leave me if I did (sounds unreasonable but it’s how I often felt). I was always very careful that her needs were being met, but she wasn’t as careful of mine. Even when I verbally expressed my boundaries, she wouldn’t be careful to not cross them. I reinforced those boundaries, we had several fights about that where I put my foot down. She would respect them for a few days or weeks, but would eventually cross the same boundaries again. Also I would sometimes ignore my own needs because I thought it might hurt her feelings. Co-dependence at it’s finest.

If I loved myself I would relate to others more like an equal I guess. Can you elaborate what you mean with the last question “what is the connection”?

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by siickkunt.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by siickkunt.