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siaParticipantHi Rod,
I am a medical doctor.. I wanted to offer my two cents.. regarding energy during mornings hours.
Sometimes, taking care of everything and everyone around us, we tend to postpone self care. I want you to check whether you drink enough water during the day, have wholesome food with vegetables, greens, nuts and fruits in your diet.. do you maintain adequate amount of protein in diet? How are your appetite, bowel and bladder habits? Are you having rapid changes in weight? Do you experience any soreness in the spine, joints, etc. When was the last time your medical checkup including blood pressure was checked?
I wanted to suggest to look for low levels of hemoglobin, vitamin d, vitamin b12, thyroid levels.. which can be corrected easily by medication or life style modifications.
Please take good care of your health, by maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Good luck.
siaParticipantHi sapnap3,
Sia here. If you are the same person, We spoke on this website few years back. It was about your birthday.. and you planned to play music for some gathering and felt good about it.
I kept you in my prayers few times over all these years.. whenever i remembered your name.. hope you are doing well. I read your post today.
This situation you are going through… i would like to gently remind you that almost everyone goes through this once or more times in their life. Almost everyone makes it to the other end. I do not in any way mean to simplify the immense grief you are feeling now. I want to remind you that this is also a part of life and can be dealt with.
If i remember, you moved from another country to this place, and made it this far. You are a brave girl.
I want to ask you to take care of yourself, eat well, sleep well, be gentle with yourself till you feel ready to face everything. THIS TOO, SHALL PASS. till then, keep yourself warm, prioritise basic needs of life.. food, water, fresh air, good health, company.
A healthy mind, well nourished body would heal faster. Please take care of yourself. Keep your day scheduled in general, to keep you occupied. Make a routine for your day and follow it. Keep an hour or two for your favourite hobby – create something in that time. Mine was to crochet( it helped… really)… yours may be music.
Frame your self love into a simple sentence, and repeat it when you need it.. when sadness strikes again. Mine was – i love you more than anyone else in the world. I am always there for you. I repeated this thousands of times till i felt better. Till i trusted myself more.
I hope you feel better. I pray that you stay happy always.
Sia.
siaParticipantYou wrote that it has been only two days, i know that the feelings are really raw right now. .even if it feels too much to bear, i would suggest. . Keep breathing, keep taking care of yourself. Remember to shower, eat and sleep on time.slowly your normal routine will start feeling natural. It would take some time to feel better. If you can, take help of your parents/family / friends, etc.,take help from any known person who can give you some time, just stay around people. And again i repeat, please eat good (i mean fresh,nutritious or natural foods)food, on time. Keep reminding your heart,that in a week or a month, you won’t be feeling the same way.
Every day do go out even for few minutes.
In few days, you will feel better definitely.
Please keep posting here if you want to talk about your day or share your feelings.
Take care my friendsiaParticipantYes, anita i am where I am geographically and also in this place in life because i obey my parent’s orders.my parents fight a lot,my father is abusive physically and mentally. He has an affair,she keeps seeing her still, even when he is 60yrsold now,and fights with my mother whenever he comes back from there.my mother is struggling so much, she also has to go to work as he made her sign for bank loan worth a lot of money,which he gave to the other woman.so she juggles work, household work,she is searching for arranging alliance for me,and so at home she feels is not suitable for my stay.but she feels this city is safer for single women staying alone;also this is far away for anyone to know about our father. With so much on her plate, i feel guilty to go out with another outsider, but i was so lonely.at first i thought that it is normal to feel that way as i am in early 30s,due to some hormonal chNges..and now i feel like iam in love with him, i feel very very guilty to hurt him,i also hurt myself by not acknowledging my feelings.
I want to come out of all this and be like before – happy to be alone.
But my thoughts go to him every awake moment, now I see him in my dreams too.suddenly once he us gone,everything about him feels perfect, lovable.siaParticipantHi shadeinthesummer,
I have been through very similar conditions in my life..my mom takes it out in a similar way.i used to feel exhausted like you,i still do in some days.only i stay away from home and am exposed to this when i visit them or they visit me.
It feels like walking on eggshells,which is already exhausting; also it has some influence on almost everything i do.
For past few years, i remind myself everyday that no one deserves anger except themselves.
Here are what i tried, they help me temporarily for few days, till i leave my home.
Try to not listen to her spiteful words if any, whenever possible.. try to chant good words or gods name focussing on the meaningof what you chant.
Whenever you feel down because of her anger, tell yourselfthat she is like a child throwing a tantrum, you are not her aim of hurt. I understood that anger, hurtful words are the way my mother learnt to communicate her feelings with the world,because she was taught it that way by her parents and my father. I need not learn the same. Acknowledge that her anger is a language, not the very meaning/intention of her act.Also, i found that my mother gets really irritable /angry when her blood glucose levels are low- she is a diabetic on treatment, she becomes very very spiteful when a meal gets delayed or she does not consume enough carbs for her anti diabetic medicines. So, me and my brother offer her(yes, we can only offer as it is difficult to talk to her when she is mad like that) something with sugar to maintain blood glucose levels. So if possible please get a physical check up to rule out any physical cause for this.
I would also suggest to remind her continously about practising forgiveness, and compassion till you notice a long lasting change.Hope this helps.
siaParticipantAlso I am scared that God almighty granted me the love of my life after such an intense prayer, but i pushed it away in foolishness and I won’t get another chance ever in life. .
I am scared that no one will ever shower this much of affection on me and i might carry this deficit ( i dont know the proper word here in place of deficit) for my life. My parents are searching for a groom for me but after realising that i love him, i don’t feel like seeing anyone else.
I feel angry towards him for giving in to social pressure and getting married to the other girl, when he loved me.
How could he stand beside another girl and participate in all marriage rituals if he really loved me?siaParticipanthi ivan
yes, practicing some types of meditation and watching bright lights does decrease melatonin secretion, and cause difficulties in falling asleep. i used to have such problems previously when i was learning “art of living” pranayam. it stopped when i stopped doing such things.such meditation, etc are meant to be done in the morning when u wake up. taper off slowly whatever doing and remove crystals from ur bedroom (temporarily) till u get back to ur normal sleep pattern.. also cut down on coffee tea from 4 pm onwards. you will get good sleep at night.
good luck.siaParticipanthi dude, how are you?i am a general physician.. would like to add a few words..
1. acne medicines such as retinoic acid derivatives, etc MAY cause depressive thoughts but the effect would not last 5 years after discontinuing them.(if i may ask were you having lot of acne that required you to take oral medications for that? were you bothered by acne? has it healed now? are u still using the medicine as a pill or for applying on your skin? are there any other medicine that have to use daily?)
2. if you have a gut feeling that your mood and thoughts are influenced by a physical cause i would like to suggest that you meet a primary physician; to look for and investigate for thyroid problems, blood sugar levels,and other hormonal levels. also, i have seen that certain nutritional deficiencies of vitamins (B, D,etc mostly) iron and other minerals may cause fatigue and depressive thoughts.. in any of the above cases, taking supplementation medicines would help you a lot. (i know we all try and eat right, but some times what we eat is just not enough..)
3. i would also suggest to get good exposure to sun light… morning sun between 11 am and 1 pm until we get slight amount of tan, would replenish vitamin d levels to the required amounts, which is important to give us the sense of well being besides making our body stronger.
4. it looks like you have a lot of energy to create things and care for people, things etc… can u keep pets, do gardening etc..?this would help too..
5.lastly, if no specific cause has been found, yet your daily living is being affected,i would suggest to consult a psychiatrist, and go for some medication..at least for some time.. this last point i am saying from personal experience… that i was extremely depressed at many times in my life.. sometimes with a cause and sometimes with no cause.. when meditation, therapy, nutrition, friendships, exercise – none of this was working, taking some medication in a small dose for say 2 – 4 weeks would bring me back to normal, and i used to taper and leave it. i hear a lot of people saying they don’t want to take any medication for depression or anxiety… but i would say,if our life style is affected by our mental health we should go for it after consulting psychiatrist.
6. all other aspects i wanted to tell u are already addressed by other people..
i would remember you in my prayers..
such a long long post… congratulations on making it till here.. good luck to you.siaParticipantDear yue and raven true,
Thanks a lot for your response. Yes, I did talk to her yesterday, she says to stay back for two more months and if nothing comes up, I shall shift if I would still want to. I too know the answer that all I want to do is escape from that place. ShAll stay and make another attempt on another day. But I wanted you to know that I am very much thankful to you people for your words. You gave me the affirmation I needed. ShAll try again.August 24, 2014 at 12:48 am in reply to: Need advice from someone with experience in anger/betrayal/need for revenge #63856siaParticipantDear Naomi, just like Samdlb says here, it is a normal reaction- your anger, disappointment, hatred towards his action. The very idea of you wanting to move on with your life is a progress in its own way. Those feelings which were there from all these years, are now growing old, they are saying it’s time for you to move on without them. Learn what you should from them, let them leave.
But, dear friend, to forgive yourself, your father and everyone else involved in this is the only proper way to do this, so that such things will not repeat again. A few lines for your consideration..
We often think that once our feelings change, and we find happiness, we shall change our actions. The truth is that only when we change our actions, do our feelings change, and WE START TO APPRECIATE OUR INNER HAPPINESS.
Forgiveness is a judgment of choice, to be willing to let go of something that brought hurt, to go unanswered, for our own well being. Like others in previous posts have said, we can’t change what has already happened and you can’t change the way how others think. All you can change is what you are doing to yourself, at this moment and in the future.
There are many ways to do this – Meditation, Therapy, Prayer, Practice, Confessions.., choose what suits you. You might consider more than one like meditation, and practice mindful compassion. Your goal should be to clean all the unwanted feelings, and memories from your heart, and fill it with love, Grace, kindness and compassion, so that you are able to focus on your purpose in this life. Remind yourself about your goal everyday.
Also, I would like you to think, and acknowledge about any good things you have noticed your father( for real). My point is to see that no one or nothing is totally bad or good, to not deserve forgiveness and kindness. This may change the way how we approach people on the whole.
Such a long post… I guess it would take days/ weeks for you to read..
It might look like a long way ahead, but we have to start somewhere to get somewhere. Wish you love and Grace..siaParticipantDon’t you worry my friend, things will definitely get better. Keep an open mind for whatever comes your way, make new friends, visit new places. Try to keep yourself a bit busy, take good care of your health. Times will change, you will thank your self for keeping up. Try to meditate, keep reminding yourself that you want to feel better and are trying to do that. Shift your focus from thoughts that remind you of the past. One fine day, you Will see that it is time to move on, you will forgive him, yourself; and you will be done with that.
Lastly, maybe you already know about this but try- tell yourself as many times as possible that you love yourself more than anyone else in this world, and that you will stand up for yourself no matter what you do, and things turn out.siaParticipantAndre,I would like to tell you my favourite quote : “joy is love for what is,while sorrow is love for what is not.” Either way, it is love, an emotion. The key is to be present in the moment, whether your heart says this is joy or sorrow. My music teacher, elderly lady in her nineties, once told a fellow student who was neck deep in problems that – happiness is only the time gap between two sorrows. May be she meant that times keep changing and this is how life goes. I, very naively, thought to 9 year old self, why can’t the vice versa be true. But, as I grew up, I understood both may be right, depends on our perspective. To be in the moment and appreciate what life has in store for us, is THE way to live. If today something feels joyful, tomorrow something else would. If tomorrow, things don’t bring happiness, those moments would pass away too and good times may come. But, people don’t. Hold your dear ones who won t leave you when times change, very dearly to your heart. Happiness will definitely blossom from your heart, and this time you can make the spring last as long as you want it to.
I don’t know whether this is anywhere near to the answer you were seeking, but these words came to my heart.
Wishing you Grace and happiness..siaParticipantBy phone would be better, more caring and polite. When you call and ask them how they are doing, how things are in that place, you can roughly understand how they felt when you left without saying. I don’t know about the customs in your place but, if they sound offended by your leaving abruptly, then, you may apologize. That way, you can restart your previous friendship again. Also you can clear off any misunderstandings that arose after your leaving. Good luck.
siaParticipantHi Wayliin, as you said, 10months do sound like a long time to keep searching for a job. While I don’t know what place you are in or what kind of job you are searching for, I would like to present some things you can use.
Have you tried searching in different kinds of places, among different kinds of organizations? May be where you are searching for, the places are full of people but there may be a vacancy in a different place.
You also can try to review and brush up your resume in a different way ( may be more creative or formal way which might change the way people look at you), you can take help from someone for this.
I read somewhere that while it is true that things happen if they are meant to be, it is also true that right things happen when we do right things at the right time.
Contact someone you know who already has a job in a place where you want to apply, gather information about what is expected from your skills in that place, then decide. Do this well before you appear for interview, not on the day before.
Consider talking to someone else who is now in or who has been in similar situation, you may find some info on where you can still improve.
And lastly, if it is ok with you, write on a paper about all the mistakes that you think you have committed in the previous interviews or are guilty about, and what would have been the correct way.
These are few things that helped me when I screwed some interviews in past.
Good luck.siaParticipantDear sister, I feel sorry for you for all the pain. I came from a family where there is conflict, I kind of understand how you are feeling now. I want you to know that you sound like a brave person.( like those having a spine of steel kind of brave..) Vanessa, to let go of what happened may be difficult, but my advice would be this. It may not be as easy as it is to say that everything will be fine if you forgive. But, I would say, recover and refresh your thought process, take it one day at a time. Focus more on staying happy rather than thinking of not being sad. By thinking and entertaining thoughts of how he treated you that way and why he did again and again, will only make you more attached to the suffering, which will form a cycle of disappointment, pain and anger. This may become a habit and thus, will become a samskara, will gain power to change your inner self, to modify the way you will treat any other relationship later in life. Break it, come out of this with will power. Declare to yourself the lesson you learnt, and propose your love and respect to yourself. Thank god, yourself and lastly your friend for the good things and forshowing you what you would not want in life. Surround yourself with things and people that you are comfortable with. Eat to your content, and get good sleep. Once your body feels relaxed, your mind will follow too. Meditate. Meditate not on thoughts but on a happier and healthier yourself. You will come out of this. I see the desire in your words you wrote. Take care.
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