Dear Anita,

It’s great to read back from you too! And thank you for clarifying the buddhist teachings as well, my knowledge is quite superficial at the moment only really garnering knowledge from youtube/google searches.

And yes I believe you’re correct, my parents put a lot of value on studies/achieving/succeeding and even when I would get good marks I would be happy with me, they would sometimes be upset if it was not up to their standards (particularly my mother) – i love my parents though and I understand where they were coming from, but yes it seems like there has been some unintended consequences on my mental health later down the road…

And yes I believe you are correct, the fact that I have only conditional love myself has very likely stemmed from my childhood and parental figures (something I never really considered) – and oh that’s also very interesting I would love to hear more about your experiences with body dysmorphia and OCD as well (or was it also related to your tall height which you mentioned previously?)

Ah, when you say healing on tiny buddha,  is that providing help and guidance to others? (i.e. giving to others helps your own mental health). Also that is great that you’re feeling less afraid, I hope this feeling becomes more regular for you. And thank you for sharing the meditation aspect as well – (I’ve been trying to meditate more frequently but find it so hard to slow down and do nothing). Sometimes I believe these negative thoughts of ours cant be ‘out-thunk’ and just need to exercise/meditate/see people.

Shoob

Hi Anita,

Thank you very much for the detailed response, I also just wanted to say I really appreciate your response and this discussion as I’ve always been too embarrassed to share this height insecurity in real life – so thank you.

And yes you make very good points about the studies – I should not take so much stock in them.

And yes also very good point on the themes of inferiority – I just need to learn to get better at accepting that I cannot change other’s perspective of me and to just go about my day. I will also try to stop this habit of comparison.

I’ll keep trying to work on this comparison habit and hopefully learn to not only accept my height but be proud of it as well. Hopefully one day…

And thank you for sharing as well Anita, I hope you feel better about your height now as well, societal expectations/valuations of our physical attributes can feel very frustrating/depressing at times.

I just wanted to finally say thank you so much for responding in such a caring and detailed fashion, you are a very kind soul and I really appreciate it 🙂

Shoob

Hi Anita,

Thank you for the response and I believe it’s my first true obsession, but previously it’s been my nature to identify lacking traits in myself and work hard at ‘fixing’/improving them (e.g. studies, sports, getting better at hobbies) – but I’m struggling to deal with this ‘lacking’ trait as it seems there is nothing I can do – I just feel less masculine/deserving of respect and love because of this trait and I don’t know how to get rid of it or stop believing it… literally looking up to people all the time is difficult for my mental as it feels like I am lesser than them in that moment.

Shoob