Hello there. I too am struggling with a similar thing. Moving on I have always found so hard. Even though I know there were things that I asked for, he said he could not give me. Kids-I still have thoughts I should have done this, and I should have done that…It sometimes take over and consumes me to the point I wish that I had never said anything. If I had kept quiet, he would still be with me. BUT, that would have meant I would hate myself for not being true to myself. The pain when you lose someone you love is strong. I have good moments and remind myself this is something I could not have if I was with him. Bad moments do not get better. It has been 4 months now.
We were speaking but now no longer. I told him to leave me alone as I hated the fact that still he would not change his mind and give me what I want. I feel at times that I would do anything to get him back. I have to remind myself this is not really true. I kid myself that I can be with him and be without children, but this would kill me and I would resent him forever and myself.
Accepting this is so hard, but I have no option. There can be someone else further down the line. Knowing what you know now, and I we can move forwards with more wisdom to avoid the same mistakes. I know the mistakes I made and it sounds like you do too. We can only learn from this.
Find a focus to spend your time. When the desperate painful feelings come on, be kind to yourself and do something nice for you. I need to put all the love I had for him back onto me so that I can feel loved again. If I can love myself more and more I will be able to love again. At least I fully know what I want. Before I met him I thought I did. Now I definitely do. Take care and allow yourself to heal. Just think about you and how you can be happy again xxx
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