Thankyou so much for your reply. The example you gave of Thanksgiving is exactly how I would deal with a situation that would suit me but my boyfriend is telling me that because of this we are becoming 2 seperate people. We are becoming disjointed,I see his point but don’t know how to change that. I go to some things but not others,I see this as a compromise but he can see on my face,when I make that effort,that clearly shows I feel awkward and uncomfortable!
The final straw came over xmas when I made zero effort to spend time with his daughter who had come to visit him! I knew I’d feel left out,jealous,annoyed and they would sit and talk about shared memories that didn’t involve me! He spends so much time with me and my daughters,he was so hurt and angry.He also has a younger daughter who is hoping to start spending weekends with my boyfriend! How will I cope with that? I am so worried as I feel I have no control over my awful behaviour! I want to change so bad but just seem unable to! Xx

Wow,I really get that. I would always burden my boyfriend with what was bothering me because he is so supportive and easy to talk to. I guess I treated him like my best friend but also by doing this he felt I was making it his fault. Makes so much sense.I also expressed to him every detail of every awkward situation so therefore when I made the effort in situations he felt I wasn’t truelly happy,always uncomfortable etc etc. I see now I didn’t need to share EVERY detail with him.
Can I ask though,Anita, when you are overcome with these feelings of anger how do you diffuse the situation..do you walk away? Pretend all is okay with you ( but wouldn’t your husband tell you aren’t being truthful)?How do you deal with at that exact moment? I hope you get what I mean? Xx

Yeah Inky,thankyou I agree. I do feel that they have a meaningful relationship with my boyfriend that took years to establish. That defo makes me feel disconnected to the situtaion. X