I’m a month in to this break up now but still feel bitter. This man said he would make me fall in love with him,did everything possible to be the best boyfriend. Met me after work,during my lunch hour,helped me with my house,with my daughters etc etc and I feel like he pushed me to rely on him. Even my daughter pointed out over xmas that he didn’t really allow me to have a voice or opinion. Was it my fault that I allowed this? Now he has disappeared from my life I am so lost and am struggling to get back my independance!I felt so smothered at the beginning and I guess I adjusted or just gave in.
Is it reasonable to give him some blame or is it all my own doing! I was doing so well before he came along,I didn’t rely on anyone for anything!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Shelly.

Anita,I forgot to say that I did speak to him about me wanting to be his number one and to be cared for.That I am possesive over him because I have had people leave me etc. To be honest,looking back,he couldn’t have done any more to make me feel his total priority,totally secure and loved. Moving into another relationship at some point I just don’t know how I can progress from that.I was told daily that I was attractive,that he was never going to leave,that there was nothing we couldn’t get through..he never left me when we were around people,he put me on a pedastal..I have totally abused his love and pushed him away.He deserved so much better than how I treated him xx

You are right,Anita,when I think of ‘outside’ our bubble I was really unhappy. I tried to end things many times because I just found his life too difficult to fit into( crazy as it was all nice things ie. Family events etc) but just not easy for me. Today his daughter phoned while he was with me,I just found that difficult…I have to be honest with myself.We were just not right for each other.That is what I will focus on now..thankyou for your support,I can’t tell you how much I have appreciated it x

Ps I am the sort of person who sorts everyone out,makes sure everyone has what they need. You are right,I want to be taken care of,I want someone to share theload,make decisions,take off the pressure! I do what my turn,I guess I always tested my boyfriend…to make sure he could fulfill these desires in me but ultimately I demanded too much!

It us true,Anita,what you advised someone else in this forum about getting attached to people. That is definitely my case. My parents and brothers have moved away over the past few years. I was going through my divorce and felt completely deserted and alone. That is a huge reason why I get attached to people,I know it.The thought of never seeing this man again destroys me,I have never felt so cared for and supported! X

I guess I’m feeling hurt and rejected. I know in past relationships on 2 occasions,he has given things another go but not with me. I left 2 people hurt in past relationships,so this is actually now me in that situation. It hurts like crazy.Being honest,I know in my heart,we are just too different and I really think trying to change myself would have been really tough. It’s like me expecting to change my personality! Isn’t that almost impossible! I wonder too if I wanted him to come round as I have never been rejected before.That sounds really awful but truthful.

Thankyou so much Anita for your response.My boyfriend has an 18 year old who lives 2 hours away and a 4 year old. The mum of the 4 year old is very volatile and has only recently allowed him to spend time with his daughter.
To be honest though,this is all out of my hands now. We mutually broke up after xmas but I have asked him to consider being together on a more casual basis for now. He hasn’t got back to me yet on his decision.
He has said his daughters come first and he feels tension between me and them.This isn’t good for us.
My favourite time is us together,just the two of us. My stress arises really quickly when we have to socialise,get together with family,friends etc…he has given up on me I can feel it.x