Kkasxo,

You’re right of course. I don’t seem to be able to accept that yet, as in, I must be clinging on to hope that I won’t have to do rubbish things in the future without him. At some point. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t bother doing anything at all.

Work was a reason for getting up in the morning but yesterday my boss, who has as much empathy as a stone, made me quite upset, which has never ever happened me in a professional capacity before. So now I feel a bit uneasy about work too.

I hope you manage to get through today, let the battle continue!

S x

I guess the only way to know how tomorrow will go is to wait and see. And trust me, I know how long 24hours can be when we feel like this!

I tend to occupy myself with cleaning, but women and multitaskers so I find I can still quite easily think about my situation while cleaning the toilet.

My sister has booked a treat for me later to get my nails done- a very thoughtful and kind gesture but the way I’m feeling at the moment, I feel like it’s a waste. I have nowhere to go and no reason to feel fab so I feel my new nails later will only remind me that I have no more evenings out or weekends away with the ex to get glammed up for. I’m aware that says a lot about me, but it is what it is.

S x

Morning folks,

Im having a bad morning. I have a day off and got some sleep at times last night but woke super early again and it hits me like a bus.

At this point I can’t tell if it’s anxiety/fear or heartbreak. This is the time of the day when I wonder if I’ll make it through the day at all, if I’m even able.

Does anyone else experience anything similar?

Anita,

You are correct, there were times with him I did not feel wonderful. I enjoyed my time with him, but not the overhanging constant need for more from him.

Genuinely I have not felt any joy since. It’s been a struggle to try and go through the motions of every day life. Things outside the relationship which one gave me joy, don’t evoke the same happiness now.

The times I have felt not as dreadful in the past couple of weeks may be just be moments I’m not thinking about it or in denial?

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

S

Anita,

Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it.

Im wondering how does one become less afraid? I would be interested in trying to get my rational brain thinking more consistently.

Thanks,

S

Kkasxo,

I think that’s what they call ‘progress’….oh that sweet sweet word! My therapist says I’m so keen on either feeling better instantly or retrieving what I can’t have, I’m just not willing to sit and be. Sometimes we just have to feel the emotion which is gross and uncomfortable and shakes us to our cores.

I’m not entirely convinced I can do that as I feel, work would be off the cards then and many other things and at least I have been able to function, in body, if not in spirit.

I know I haven’t accepted what has happened. I just know it. But apparently that’s normal. A friend told me this morning that time and distant cause you to accept it, without your knowledge in a way. It’s a subconscious thing. Every day that passes without contact, you start to sort of forget what it was like talking to them or doing things with them. It becomes a little fuzzier, not so high definition as it might be at the moment.

I hope you get through the 11th ok, my birthday and what would have been our anniversary are coming up in the next few months and I imagine it will be acute torture. But nobody who experiences heartbreak gets out of it unscathed. But forums like this demonstrate that there are millions who suffer like us and millions don’t die of a broken heart every day, so people must be getting through it.Somehow. Even if we don’t know how just yet.

It’s a great comfort having this forum to post on.

S x

Kkasxo,

Do you realise how well you are doing? I don’t think I’d have the resolve to manage that. Well done. That in itself is progress.

It’s not easy, but you’re getting there, bit by bit, inch by inch.

S x